5 Habits That Block Intimacy

Are you afraid of intimacy? Intimacy is the foundation of any meaningful and fulfilling relationship. It allows individuals to connect deeply, share vulnerabilities, and cultivate a sense of trust and closeness. However, certain habits can unknowingly hinder intimacy, creating barriers that prevent relationships from thriving.  

So even if you answered no to our earlier question, there’s still a chance that some unhealed emotional wounds or past trauma has made you subconsciously afraid of it. With that said, let’s explore the 5 most common habits that block intimacy and what we can do to overcome them, according to experts:

1. Avoiding Important Conversations

One of the primary barriers to intimacy is the fear of vulnerability, says Dr. Emma Seppälä, an expert on emotional and social well-being, which leads us to avoiding and putting off important conversations. Opening up to someone requires courage and trust, but many individuals hesitate to reveal their true selves due to past hurts or a fear of rejection. Overcoming this habit involves acknowledging and addressing the underlying fears, gradually building trust with your partner, and creating a safe space for open and honest communication.

2. Lack of Active Listening

According to the interpersonal process model of intimacy, which was developed by psychologists Harry Reis, Brian Patrick, and Philip Shaver, intimacy flourishes when individuals feel heard and understood. However, a common habit that impedes intimacy is failing to practice active listening. This occurs when one person is physically present but mentally disengaged during conversations, leading to miscommunication and a lack of connection. To break this habit, Reis and his colleagues recommend practicing being fully present in conversations, focusing on your partner’s words, and demonstrating empathy and understanding. Reflecting on their thoughts and feelings and responding thoughtfully will foster a deeper sense of connection.

3. Failure to Express Needs

Healthy relationships thrive on meeting each other’s needs, says therapist Dr. Bethany Juby and counselor Marissa Moore. However, a habit that blocks intimacy is the failure to express one’s needs clearly. Expecting your partner to read your mind or assuming they should automatically understand your desires can lead to frustration and emotional distance. Breaking this habit involves developing assertiveness skills and learning to communicate your needs openly and honestly says Dr. Juby and Moore. By expressing your expectations and desires, you give your partner an opportunity to meet them, strengthening the bond between you.

4. Criticism and Judgment

Another barreir to intimacy, according to Dr. Juby and Moore, is the fear of what you share being used against you. When individuals habitually criticize their partner’s actions, appearance, or choices, it undermines trust and emotional connection. That’s why criticism and judgment erode intimacy and create an atmosphere of defensiveness. To foster intimacy, it is crucial to replace criticism with constructive feedback and focus on building each other up. Practicing empathy and compassion, and recognizing that everyone has flaws, can help create an environment of acceptance and understanding.

5. Neglecting Quality Time

Intimacy requires dedicated time and attention. However, the demands of modern life often lead to neglecting quality time with our partners. According to psychologist Howard Markman, the more you invest in fun and friendship and being there for your partner, the happier the relationship will get over time. That’s why neglecting quality time blocks intimacy in relationships, and eventually leads most of them to fall apart.  Habitually prioritizing work, social media, or personal pursuits over spending meaningful moments together can hinder intimacy. But setting aside regular uninterrupted time for shared activities, conversations, and consciously investing in your relationship, you strengthen the emotional bond and foster a deeper connection.

Intimacy is a vital aspect of any successful relationship, but certain habits can obstruct its growth. But by identifying and addressing these habits, you can break down barriers and create a deeper, more intimate, and more fulfilling connection with those around you. 

Investing in the quality of your relationships creates a foundation of trust, understanding, and emotional closeness that will not only improve your mental, emotional, and social well-being, but also strengthen your bond with others over time.

So, what are your thoughts on this video? Do you relate to any of the things we’ve mentioned here? What are some habits you’re guilty of practicing that may be a barrier to intimacy in your relationships? Are you ready to take the first step in overcoming it? Be sure to let us know in the comments down below!

Refences:

• Reis, H. T. (2017). The interpersonal process model of intimacy: Maintaining intimacy through self-disclosure and responsiveness. In Foundations for Couples’ Therapy (pp. 216-225). Routledge.
• Moore, M. & Juby, B. (2022, Oct 11). The Good Kind of Vulnerability. PsychCentral. https://psychcentral.com/relationships/the-good-kind-of-vulnerability
• Seppälä, E. (2012, Sept 5). The Real Secret To Intimacy (and Why It Scares Us). Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/feeling-it/201209/the-real-secret-intimacy-and-why-it-scares-us
• Sturiale, J. (2016, June 9). Create Quality Time With Your Partner. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/create-quality-time-with-your-partner