6 Things Parents Should Never Say To A Child

Do you recall being chastised in public by your parent? Or commended for a job well done? Which one has stuck with you the longest?

Oftentimes, you may repeat the negative memories more than the positives.

These words carry weight since there’s a greater cellular activity in the brain when negative memories are formed.

While it can be hard raising a child, it’s important to communicate with them with empathy and kindness.

Here are some phrases parents should avoid saying to children:

1) You can’t do anything right.

Have you ever been told this in the midst of doing something wrong?

Patience is a trait that not everyone naturally possesses, but it’s important for parents to cut down on these sorts of remarks whenever your child isn’t performing up to caliber.

It serves no purpose other than belittling your child, which can discourage them and do more harm than good to their growth. This phrase can also send them unrealistically high expectations of themselves, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment later in life.

2) I’m disappointed in you.

This is often something you say when your child has failed to meet your expectations, but it’s also damaging to hear especially for younger children.

According to Dr. Lim Boon Leng from Psychological Wellness in Singapore, young children are more susceptible to their parents’ moods than older ones. Thus, it’s important to tone down on statements like this since it can bruise a child’s self-esteem and confidence.

3) You should be like your brother/sister.

Have you ever been compared by your siblings before?

It’s crucial to recognize that children are individuals with their own personalities and traits that make them unique. Instead of telling your little girl, she should be more like her sister (who excels in sports), praise her for her strength in literature or the arts instead. There’s no one perfect role model – and needlessly comparing your child to someone else’s or their sibling can make them feel inadequate.

4) It’s your fault that (something bad) happened.

It can be easy for parents to express their frustrations and anger at the child, but it’s important to understand that children, especially younger ones, may not be able to differentiate your anger from their self-worth.

For example, if an emotionally taxing event like the death of a pet occurs because of negligence of a child, it can be a burden for everyone. Take the time to educate them on how to deal with sadness with compassion rather than assigning blame. This will help them understand how to navigate emotional turmoil – which is something they can carry for the rest of their lives.

5) Don’t cry.

Does one or more of your parents get uncomfortable at an outburst of emotions, and tell you to stop?

Telling a child not to cry can cause them to conceal their emotions. This makes it more likely for them to develop mental health issues in both the short and long term.

Similarly, phrases like “don’t be sad” or “calm down” also are things parents should avoid saying. Research published in Washington State University shows that being able to openly acknowledge how you’re feeling, no matter how negative it is, can help improve mental health for both parents and children.

6) You’re the best at everything you do, remember that!

While warranted praise is healthy, did you know that giving undue credit can be bad as well?

Some children who are praised too frequently can develop a sense of entitlement and become overconfident in their abilities. Another group of children, on the other hand, may feel immense pressure from the expectations that their parents set on them, causing them to fail to act and be unwilling to try new things.

The best approach is to give specific and honest feedback. For example, instead of saying your child is the best at soccer – be specific about their positive traits like how they’re an excellent leader who motivates their teammates during games.

Closing Thoughts

Did we miss any statements? Do you relate to any of the signs above?

Let us know in the comments below. That’s all for now, Psych2Goers!

References

Gonzales, S. (May 29, 2019) How children pick up on parents’ anxiety and anger and why we should be mindful of how we act. SCMP. Retrieved at https://www.scmp.com/lifestyle/health-wellness/article/3012143/how-children-pick-parents-anxiety-and-anger-and-why-we.

NA. (Nov 26, 2018) Emotional suppression has negative outcomes on children. Science Daily. Retrieved at https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/11/181126093158.htm

Crow, S. (Apr 2020). 25 Things Parents Should Never Say to Their Kids. BestLife Retrieved at  https://bestlifeonline.com/phrases-no-parent-should-use/