6 Types of Emotional Abuse

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), emotional abuse is intentional, repeated nonphysical actions that negatively affect someone’s mental health (n.d). But while emotional abuse consistently wears down victims’ mental health and self-esteem, not all types of emotional abuse look the same. Different actions fall under the category of emotional abuse but look different in practice. Here are 6 types of emotional abuse:

1: Corrupting

One type of emotional abuse is corruption, where the abuser uses their emotional hold over you to make you do things you don’t want to. This is different from making sacrifices in a relationship or giving in to peer pressure. In an abusive relationship, the abuser will likely threaten negative consequences — more on that at the end of this article — if you don’t do what they want you to. Corruption might start with smaller things like asking you to skip work or school without warning and lead to larger corruptions, like unwanted alcohol or substance use, gambling, or theft (Types of Emotional Abuse, n.d.).

2: Using

When someone takes more from you than they plan to give in return and only cares about the favors you can do for them, they are using you. Using, or exploiting, is a type of emotional abuse that may be hard to spot because it can manifest as several small requests and that go unnoticed by the victim (Francis & Pearson, 2019). But if you draw clear boundaries with someone and they still ask you for money, connections, or things, they could be emotionally abusing you. If someone is emotionally abusing you like this, they might have a harder time empathizing with you and will focus on manipulating you into getting what they want rather than having honest conversations about how this makes you feel.

3: Lashing Out Verbally/Emotionally

Frequent emotional outbursts: yelling or swearing, insulting, or humiliating, are another type of emotional abuse. For example, someone berating you and degrading your actions is emotional abuse because it can negatively affect your self-esteem and mental health (Francis & Pearson, 2019). Lashing out verbally could also be a sign of verbal abuse. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), verbal abuse is using harsh words to “belittle or frighten” (n.d.) Verbal abuse is a type of emotional abuse when an abuser uses it to control your emotions. They might use verbal abuse to deflect your attention from the conversation topic or the state of the relationship.

4: Shunning

It’s normal to distance yourself from someone after you argue with them so you can calm down before working through the argument’s cause. But if someone regularly gives you the silent treatment, even when you haven’t just had a fight with them, this could be a type of emotional abuse. Shunning, or ignoring, is emotionally abusive if someone repeatedly and deliberately uses it to manipulate your feelings (Dubrow-Marshall, 2017). When someone ignores you, it makes you question your behavior and whether you did something to make them act this way. This shifts your attention from their abusive behavior to yourself, and might cause you to apologize to them just so they will start acknowledging your presence again. If shunning ends with this reaction, an emotional abuser will likely continue to manipulate people by ignoring them when they want something or to deflect blame from them.

5: Isolating

Another type of emotional abuse is isolation. When an abuser isolates someone, they cut them off from seeing their friends and family or doing activities without them. This type of abuse is different from the others because it masquerades as positive. An abuser might argue they’re isolating you to protect you from getting hurt by other people or try to convince you that spending even a little time with others will take away from bonding time with them. If someone repeatedly talks negatively about your family and friends or is overprotective in a way that stifles your ability to grow as a person, they may be trying to isolate you (Dubrow-Marshall, 2017). Isolation can lead to complete dependence on the abuser, which gives them more power over you and can lead to the other types of emotional abuse.

6: Threatening

Threats are another type of emotional abuse. An emotional abuser may threaten to physically harm you, and even if they don’t follow through with actions, these threats can have a serious impact on your mental health (Crisis Text Line, n.d.). Emotional abusers may also threaten to abandon, blackmail, or get mad at you if you don’t do what they want. If you try to leave the relationship, they may emotionally manipulate you by threatening that you will never find someone who loves you the way they do or play the victim and make you feel guilty for leaving them. In extreme cases, they may even threaten to commit suicide (National Domestic Violence Hotline, 2014). It’s important to remember that as much as you care about someone and their mental health, if they threaten you and constantly play with your emotions so you neglect your own mental health, this is unhealthy and likely a sign of emotional abuse.

Abusers may use one type of emotional abuse on this list or all six. Emotional abuse can also occur alongside other forms of abuse — physical, verbal, or financial (Holt, 2013). When you love someone, it can be hard to step back and realize the relationship is abusive or toxic, and it can be even harder to leave. If you or someone you love is in an emotionally abusive relationship, remember that there are resources available to help you. You can find some of them linked below.

References:

• American Psychological Association (n.d.). Emotional abuse. In APA Dictionary of Psychology. Retrieved 11 June from https://dictionary.apa.org/emotional-abuse.
• –(n.d.). Verbal abuse. In APA Dictionary of Psychology. Retrieved 11 June from https://dictionary.apa.org/verbal-abuse.
• Crisis Text Line (n.d.). How to Deal with Emotional Abuse. Retrieved 11 June from https://www.crisistextline.org/topics/emotional-abuse/#myths-about-emotional-abuse-2.
• Dubrow-Marshall, L., & Dubrow-Marshall, R. (2017). When your life is not your own. Therapy Today, 28(9), 24–27.
• Francis, L., & Pearson, D. (2019). The recognition of emotional abuse: Adolescents’ responses to warning signs in romantic relationships. Journal of Interpersonal Violence. https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260519850537.
• Holt, A. (2013). Abuse in families: Commonalities, connections and contexts. In Adolescent-to-parent abuse: Current understandings in research, policy and practice, 15-36. Bristol University Press. DOI: 10.2307/j.ctt1t6p748.6.
• National Domestic Violence Hotline (2014, August). When Your Partner Threatens Suicide. 

Resources:

• National Child Abuse Hotline (US and Canada): 800-4-A-CHILD (800-422-4453)
• National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233)
  TTY: 800-787-3224
  Video Phone for Deaf Callers: 206-518-9361
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255)
  TTY: 800-799-4TTY (800-799-4889)
• Crisis Text Line: Text HELLO to 741741 (US and Canada) or 85258 (UK)
• National Runaway Switchboard: 800-RUNAWAY (800-786-2929)