6 Ways Toxic Positivity Harms Our Mental Health

Have you ever used positive thinking as a strategy to overcome a challenge in your life? The messages of positive thinking are everywhere and its applications are used by many. While the call for “good vibes!” can be motivating, we can also reach a point where using positivity as the blanket solution for every problem becomes toxic.

By definition, toxic positivity involves the overgeneralization of a happy or optimistic state which can minimize or invalidate real human emotions. Saying “don’t worry, be happy” may spring from good intentions but it also communicates that expressing emotion that does not resemble happiness is unacceptable.

Toxic positivity is a far cry from the radical hope that once inspired the model of positive psychology. Following World War II, psychology was a science dedicated to understanding pathology and promoting healing. This exclusive focus on human dysfunction left gaps in our knowledge about what makes life meaningful and positive personal traits like creativity or wisdom that enhance our experiences (Seligman & Csikszentmihalyi, 2014). On the other hand, toxic positivity tends to over-exaggerate the human potential for optimism while rejecting the unpleasant emotions and experiences that can add value to our lives.

Here are 6 ways ‘toxic positivity’ impacts our emotional and relational health:

1. Encourages us to suppress our emotions

If someone has ever told you “don’t think about it, just stay positive!” you probably understand how intangible the urging to feel or think positively can be. Toxic platitudes like this can not only invalidate what you are feeling, but they discourage us from further processing our feelings. We may begin to tell ourselves that our emotional states are overreactions or we may even suppress our emotions altogether.

Multiple psychological studies show us that expressing our emotions is important in regulating our stress response. Unsurprisingly, hiding or denying emotions can lead to stress which can manifest as anxiety, depression or even physical illness in the future (Quintero & Long, 2019). While offering toxic positivity may seem like a quick and easy solution, it can prevent us from verbalizing our emotions with others in meaningful ways.

2. Engages all-or-nothing thinking

Statements of toxic positivity reinforce the idea that positivity is the only solution. When people proclaim, “positive vibes only!” they create a space in which those that may be feeling despondent, pessimistic, or hopeless are no longer welcome.

By claiming that positivity is the only mood we expect, we are engaging in all-or-nothing thinking. All-or-nothing or polarized thinking is a common cognitive distortion covered in psychological literature. All-or-nothing thinking can create an unwillingness to see alternatives (Ackerman, 2020). For example, understanding that negative vibes are just as important to express and share could be a healthy alternative to “positive vibes only!”

Life is filled with unpleasant emotions and experiences and expecting us to keep those hidden is unrealistic, if not dangerous.

3. Changes how we share or relate to others

 If you recognize these examples of toxic positivity, you have likely taken the chance and shared a serious concern with someone you trusted. Maybe the experience only intensified your fears when you were met with words like, “It could be worse” or “At least…”

Statements of toxic positivity can seem unforgivable, especially in a context where you felt vulnerable. Sometimes all we need in those moments is to be heard or to be asked questions like “Can you describe what that feels like?” so that you feel comfortable to further unpack what you are going through.

Just as toxic positivity can lead us to suppress our emotions, it can also alter our willingness to share with others. Maybe you no longer share with a person who endlessly uses toxic positivity to motivate themselves or others. Maybe you also adopt sentiments of toxic positivity to continue to relate to those around you, even if it feels superficial.

4. Leads to isolation and internalization

 The more we hear toxic positivity, the more likely we are to perceive its messages as reliable. But when we internalize our emotions or force ourselves into a persona of optimism, we can also lose connection with ourselves. This can make it difficult to empathize and support others. According to therapists of “The Psychology Group of Fort Lauderdale,” the relationship you have with yourself often mirrors the relationship you have with others (Quintero & Long, 2019).

If you have a friend that invalidates or denies your feelings, they likely do the same thing to cope with their emotions. When we reject our emotions, we attract more surface-level connections. This can be isolating as we lose opportunities for true connection and emotional intimacy with others.

5. Intensifies feelings of shame

If “good vibes” are the only acceptable way to present ourselves to the world, we may resort to suffering in silence. We may also accept the belief that we are the problem rather than challenging the impossible standards of eternal optimism.

Author and researcher, Brene Brown, explains that silence and secrecy can fuel feelings of shame. Shame can be one of the most crippling emotions and it can impact us without us realizing it (Quintero & Long, 2019). We can experience shame when we disappoint others or when others condemn us, but it can also emerge when we fail to live up to the expectations of dominant societal demands such as:

“You must delete all negativity from our life.”

“There is always a silver lining.”

“You can only attract positivity by being happy yourself”

These are all messages we accept as the standard and shame is the result when we inevitably struggle to measure up.

6. We feel pressure to only portray positivity

 Toxic positivity is not just a misguided attempt at making ourselves, friends, and family feel better, it is also a cultural trend. Look at almost any social media account. There is pressure to only share our happiest moments with the world, rather than the more mundane or darker shades of our lives. When we idealize the psychological state of happiness or positivity, we may also obsessively curate an image of ourselves as perfectly happy to others.

Social media allows us to filter what we post and experience. However, our complex emotional and social lives have no filters to escape the many highs and lows we can face.

While we want to encourage our friends and family to experience joy in their lives, there is often a fine line between offering support and encouraging an impossible standard. There is a healthier alternative to toxic positivity and that is embracing the many colors of human emotion and experience. In the end, this is what makes life meaningful and worth living, which is what positive psychology is all about.

References

Ackerman, E. C. (2020, Apr 15). Cognitive distortions: When your brain lies to you. Positive Psychology.com. Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-distortions/

Soen, Hayley. (2020). Welcome to the world of toxic positivity: The trend which is ruining our lives. The Tab. Retrieved from https://thetab.com/uk/2020/02/19/toxic-positivity-culture-meaning-140567

Martin, E. P., & Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2014). Positive psychology: An introduction. Flow and the Foundations of Positive Psychology, 55(1), 5-14.

Quintero, S., & Long, J. (2020). Toxic positivity: The dark side of positive vibes. The Psychology Group of Fort Lauderdale. Retrieved from  https://thepsychologygroup.com/toxic-positivity/