7 Signs You Found A Real Friend

There are so few words a person can conjure up to properly capture how special friends are. They aren’t just ordinary people. They’re the people we enjoy spending time with, who we choose to go on adventures with, who we talk about life with, who we trust to share our problems with, and the ones who feel that same way about us. Friends are the ones we choose to be around because we share a mutual bond. They enhance our lives and make them more fun.

That alone is important (because what would life be like without having fun?), but friendship is also necessary for our survival. In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, which explains human behavior by saying we’re focused on achieving happiness to become our best selves, friendship plays a key role. It falls into the middle of the pyramid where the bottom levels are most the most basic and the more complex ones are at the top. According to Maslow, you can’t reach the top of the pyramid and be who you were meant to be without having met each of your lower-level needs. Meaning, without the love, acceptance, and belonging that comes from friendship, you would not be able to thrive. This theory also says that acceptance allows people to avoid problems such as loneliness, depression, and anxiety. (Very Well Mind)

Some people make friends easily while others have trouble, but regardless of which category you fall into, making a real friend is about connecting on a deep and special level. Real friends are the ones who know who fully who we are as people and have particular importance in our lives.

Here are seven ways to know if you’ve found a real friend:

1. You laugh together often

All best friends find ways to laugh, whether it be watching funny movies together or creating inside jokes with each other. It would be pretty difficult to maintain a friendship where you couldn’t laugh together, but more than that, it wouldn’t be good for you. When people say “laughter is the best medicine,” it’s based in actual science; laughing releases endorphins, which are the chemicals in our brains that produce positive feelings and even reduce pain. So needless to say, having someone who knows how to make you laugh is crucial to your health. Laughter is also important because of the way it bonds true friends together. That’s also the result of a brain chemical, this one a hormone called oxytocin most known for creating feelings of affection. So not only is laughing together a sign of real friendship but it’s something that fosters the growth of real friendship.

2. They encourage you to work hard and reach your goals

It’s always nice to simply goof off with other people, and although that certainly has its benefits, a truly good friend is also someone who encourages you to do your best so you can be all you can be. They know how much you are capable of and they inspire you to achieve it all, reminding you of your abilities and acting as a cheerleader when you need one. Real friends offer a balance of fun and motivation because they care about all parts of you as a whole person. Life is about more than just entertainment and a true friend knows when to be serious for the sake of your personal growth.

3. They’re completely honest 

Have you ever been about to make a decision only to have a friend stop you, telling you it was a bad idea or that you should think things through better? Chances are, that friend is a keeper. Good friends don’t lie to you or ignore your flaws just because it’s easier. They point out when you’re wrong, because that’s more beneficial to you in the long run, but they do so without being harsh or insulting. It might seem like being overly honest is a bad trait for a friend to have, but friendship isn’t just about what’s easy. Friends do what’s hard because they care about you and want the best for you. But thankfully, a real friend is aware of your feelings all the while.

4. They make time for you

People make time for what’s important by prioritizing the things in their lives and carving out time in their schedules. If someone is a true friend to you, they make it so they can be there for you when you need them. Have you ever had a rough day and just felt like hearing your best friend’s voice? A true friend recognizes your needs and cares enough to make time for you. In other words, they’re reliable. They make you one of their priorities so you never question that you’re valued.

5. They’re supportive

Life is hard and we can’t always get by on our own. We need friends to lean on, to understand us, to guide us if they’re able, to give you an ear to listen, an encouraging smile, and a lot of love. Basically, we need people in our lives who help us and build us up. Furthermore, real friendship remains constant throughout life’s ups and downs. It’s easy to stand by someone during the good times, when life is easy and things are going smoothly. The measure of a true friend, however, is in the support they give to you during times of struggle. Overall, true friends are there to offer support no matter what.

6. They put effort into understanding how you feel

You know you’ve found the right kind of friendship when he or she always seems to know what to say to make you feel better. This means they know which words get through to you, and how to get through to you, not necessarily that they tell you whatever you want to hear. The British Psychological Society actually discusses research in this area in an article from their Research Digest. It details a study done where children rate the supportiveness of six different statements that all approach trying to help a friend in different ways. The study found that there was no agreement about which statements and approaches were best, concluding that “comfort is in the ear of the listener, not the words themselves.”

7. They accept you for who you are

Acceptance has always been “absolutely fundamental to humans,” says Nathan DeWall in an article for the Association for Psychological Science. We feel safe when we’re close to people, and it’s because it’s a throwback to how our ancestors felt safe in the groups that allowed them to survive harsh environments. In modern times, acceptance is equally important. It makes us feel less alone in a world that’s often harsh and unforgiving. Acceptance can even help a person manage stress better because being around people who understand your struggles alleviates some of the burdens in a society where mental health problems are so heavily stigmatized. Real friends approve of you as you are right now. After all, they chose you as their friend. They want you to be in their life just as you are. You’ll also find that real friends want you to accept and be proud of yourself! They want the best for you so they don’t let you hate yourself.

Real friendship is a treasure. The company of someone like a real friend ensures that our lives have meaning and happiness and beauty. I interpret a quote from Leo Buscaglia, a well-known author and speaker, to summarize this eloquently. He said: “a single rose can be my garden…a single friend, my world.” One true friend makes a world of difference. 

Citations

Cherry, Kendra. “How Maslow’s Famous Hierarchy of Needs Explains Human Motivation.” Verywell Mind, Verywell Mind, 3 Dec. 2019, www.verywellmind.com/what-is-maslows-hierarchy-of-needs-4136760.

“New Research Finds There Is No ‘Right Thing’ to Say When You Want to Be Supportive.” Research Digest, 4 Dec. 2018, digest.bps.org.uk/2018/11/28/new-research-finds-there-is-no-right-thing-to-say-when-you-want-to-be-supportive/.

“Social Acceptance and Rejection: The Sweet and the Bitter.” Association for Psychological Science – APS, www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/social-acceptance-and-rejection-the-sweet-and-the-bitter.html.