7 Subtle Signs Someone Is Uncomfortable Around You

When conversing with someone you care about, you might hope that the discussion goes smoothly and that you’ll connect with them. And when you discuss sensitive topics, you may instinctively be aware of their reactions and steer away from touchy subjects. Regardless of your efforts, it can be difficult to read what the other person is thinking, whether they’re happy, sad, or uneasy around you. From body language to their verbal reactions, here are 7 subtle signs someone is uncomfortable around you.

1 – Their feet are pointed away from you

You might not be analyzing their feet unless they have some eye-catching shoes, but the direction in which their feet are pointing might shed light on how they feel around you. Social psychologist Viktor Sander observes that “this is a sign that someone consciously or subconsciously wants to get going.” In another case, their entire body might be facing away from you. This may indicate that they are feeling uncomfortable around you or about the conversation topic.

2 – Unsteady eye contact

Breaking eye contact can be a sign of fear, nervousness, or shyness, but oftentimes, a person may look away from the speaker when they feel uncomfortable. Think about the latest deep conversation you’ve had with someone; chances are, the other person was listening intently and staring right into your eyes when you speak so that they don’t miss any detail. When someone starts to drift away, looking at every corner of the room but at you, they might be feeling an urge to leave the conversation. Instead of continuing your speech, perhaps ask if anything is bothering them, whether it be the topic at hand, something you’ve said, or anything around them.

3 – They give one-worded answers

There are a few reasons why someone would give short, nonchalant answers. They might feel embarrassed about the topic at hand. Or maybe they don’t know enough about the topic to contribute wholeheartedly. Another possibility, a painful reality, is that they simply don’t care. If it’s the last answer, perhaps it’s good to re-evaluate your connection with this person. If you’ve already made the effort to engage with this person, it might be time to drop the conversation and move on to someone who cares about you. A person feeling uncomfortable around you may also give one-worded answers to end the conversation as soon as possible. With that said, try to discern which situation is making them act this way before jumping to any conclusions.

4 – They fiddle a lot

This is another important body language that hints at someone feeling uncomfortable. Whether they’re constantly shifting their hips, fiddling with their phone, or excessively tapping their toes, they release their pent-up energy and nervousness through physical exertion. Here, it may be a good opportunity to say things like “I don’t want to waste your time,” or “it’s okay if you have other things to do.” If they truly feel uncomfortable in the moment, they can take the offer to leave and meet with you at a later time, when they are in a better headspace. Or, they could dismiss the offer and assure you that they enjoy hanging out with you. 

5 – They cross their arms around you

Blocking techniques like these are used when an individual feels uncomfortable about the situation they are in. They may also block themselves with pillows, books, a bag, or whatever else they are holding. This defense technique creates a physical barrier between you and them, giving them an artificial sense of security. Try to take note of their reactions, making small adjustments to help them feel at ease. At the same time, remember that it’s not easy to control what other people feel and think; all that matters is that you’ve tried your best.

6 – They seem forced

Perhaps they decide to laugh louder than they usually do at a joke that’s not even that funny. They may also nod at everything you say, even though you know that some points you’ve brought up are controversial. Again, this may be a sign that they are trying to expedite the conversation. “We’ve all been the recipient of a forced or phony smile or laugh at some time or another,” says international consultant Ali Craig, “this is another key indicator that someone is simply going through the motions and is not wanting to ‘connect’ with you.”

7 – They look tired after spending time with you

Fatigue can be a clear indicator of stress and anxiety. If someone seems physically and mentally tired after conversing with you, it might be a sign that you are evoking negative emotions like stress from them. Similar to the analogy of “the social battery”, a person who feels truly comfortable will want to spend all the time with you, feeling increasingly engaged as you two hang out. Conversely, a person who feels uncomfortable around you will feel that their “social battery” is being drained each minute with you. Try not to take it personally; maybe their personality simply doesn’t mix well with yours.

Conclusion

Though creating bonds with new people is often beneficial to your social life, it’s equally important to monitor those connections. It would be unfortunate to spend time and effort on a one-sided relationship, only to find out that the other person was never interested. It’s amazing if you’re actively trying to lead the relationship in a good direction — this shows that you care. However, it might be out of your hands to really determine another person’s opinions and emotions. Ultimately, it may be beneficial for both sides to sit back and let fate do its thing.

Works Cited

“10 Subtle Signs Someone Is Uncomfortable Around You.” YouTube, YouTube, 25 Feb. 2021, www.youtube.com/watch?v=baSU2uY_unE.

Kali Coleman, September 29, 2019. “23 Signs You’re Stressing People Out Without Realizing It.” Best Life, 10 Jan. 2020, bestlifeonline.com/signs-stressing-people-out/.

Pannell, Ni’Kesia. “10 Subtle Signs Someone Doesn’t like You.” Insider, Insider, 27 June 2018, www.insider.com/body-language-signs-that-someone-doesnt-like-you-2018-6.Steber, Carolyn. “11 Subtle Signs Someone May Be Uncomfortable Around You.” Bustle, Bustle, 26 Dec. 2017, www.bustle.com/p/11-subtle-signs-someone-may-be-uncomfortable-around-you-7662695.