8 Signs He’s Only Pretending To Like You

It’s no secret that navigating love and relationships can certainly be a tricky business. And wanting to learn more about how it works — how we fall in love, why we’re attracted to certain people, the secret to making relationships last — is one of the biggest reasons why more and more people nowadays are becoming more interested in psychology.

The science of human behavior, psychology can tell us a lot about how to decipher a person’s words and actions to uncover their true feelings, and love is no exception to this. So if you’re someone who’s been worried or wanting to know your partner’s true intentions, then put your mind at ease by learning more about these 8 psychology-backed ways you can tell if a man’s love for you is genuine or not:

1. He’s only affectionate in public.

Think about how your partner shows you affection, be it through a touch, a kiss, or a hug. Now think about when they like to do this. Is it usually when you’re alone or with other people? While it’s certainly nice to be with someone who isn’t afraid to display their love for you in public, it’s another thing entirely when it’s done only in public. Because they might just be doing it to keep up appearances that everything is fine in your relationship, to keep other men from making a move on you, or to make someone else jealous (Sailor, 2013).

2. He prefers to spend his time with friends.

Does your boyfriend spend more time with his friends than with you? Does he often cancel plans with you to be with them? Or prefer to keep you and his friends separate? If the answer is yes, then this is unfortunately a very telling sign that while you and him might connect romantically, he doesn’t enjoy spending time with you as much as he does with his friends. And that shows he is already having doubts and might just be pretending to like you (Dunlop, Hanley & McCoy, 2019).

3. He doesn’t prioritize your relationship.

It should go without saying that you should never settle for someone who doesn’t make you a priority, who puts everything else before you and your relationship. Does he not make time for you? Is he not as dependable as you want him to be? Does he often break his promises or cancel your plans at the last minute? Does he act like his life — his job and his family and his friends — are more important than yours? No matter how much they might say they love and care about you, it’s all just empty words when they can’t show up for you and be there when you need them.

4. He doesn’t give you his full attention.

Similar to the last point, even if your boyfriend finds the time to see you and be with you, he’s still not giving you his full attention. His mind might still be at work, distracted by his friends’ drama, or constantly checking his phone. His body language could be closed off and disinterested (like crossed arms, crossed legs, or facing away from you) and he might not be making eye contact for long. He’s probably going to be doing most of the talking and not really listening to anything you have to say. Now, does that sound like someone who really loves you?

5. He tries to change things about you.

When someone really loves you, they’ll accept you for the person you really are, flaws and all. That’s not to say that they would willingly turn a blind eye to all your faults, but they certainly wouldn’t force you to change, either. But someone who’s only pretending to love you will most likely try to change the things about you they don’t like so you can better accommodate their tastes and their preferences, whether it’s the way you look, what you do, or how you act (Sailor, 2006).

6. He doesn’t open up to you.

Have you been dating this guy for a while now and still know nothing about him? Do you ever get the feeling there might be a lot of things he keeps from you or holds back from telling you? Achieving emotional intimacy is one of the greatest milestones we can have in a relationship, so if your partner doesn’t want to open up to you (but does so with other people), then that’s as clear a sign as any that it’s probably not true love (Johnson, 1983).

7. He doesn’t ask for your opinion.

When someone asks for your opinion, especially when it comes to making important decisions, it means that they truly care about what you think and care about how their actions might affect you. They value your opinion and want to see things from your point of view because they respect you and view you as an equal (Sailor, 2006).

8. He doesn’t make you feel loved.

Finally, but perhaps most importantly, always listen to your intuition. Does your gut feeling tell you that something’s not right in your relationship, even if everything might seem fine at first glance? Listen to that feeling. If your significant other isn’t making you feel loved, if their words don’t align with their actions, then it’s going to bring about a lot of confusion and insecurity from you. As best-selling author and relationship expert Charles Orlando once said, “It’s really simple: If they love you, you’ll know it. And if they don’t, you’ll constantly wonder if they do.”

So, do you relate to any of the things we’ve mentioned here? Did reading this list help you see more clearly how your partner really feels about you? If you’ve (unfortunately) found yourself in a relationship where your significant other isn’t being honest about their feelings with you, then the best thing for you to do would be to talk to them about it and work out how to move forward from there. 

References:

• Johnson, R. A. (1983). We: Understanding the psychology of romantic love. Harper & Row Publishers.
• Dunlop, W. L., Hanley, G. E., & McCoy, T. P. (2019). The narrative psychology of love lives. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(3), 761-784.
• Sailor, J. L. (2013). A Phenomenological Study of Falling Out of Romantic Love. Qualitative Report, 18, 37.
• Sailor, J. L. (2006). A phenomenological study of falling out of romantic love as seen in married couples (Doctoral dissertation, Capella University).