8 Signs You Have a Weak Sense of Self

How well do you know yourself? Besides your favorite color and food, do you know your own interests, hobbies, and strengths? Believe it or not, knowing or not knowing this information all ties back to your sense of self.

According to an article from Healthline, a sense of self refers to how well your perceives the characteristics that define you. Some people who can identify these characteristics confidently probably have a strong sense of self. Others who struggle with this may have a weak sense of self. But don’t worry, with some work and some mindfulness you can always make yours stronger!

Wondering where you fall? Here are 8 signs of a weak sense of self.

1. You have a hard time saying no

Have you ever been asked to do something that you didn’t want to do, but didn’t know how to say no? It happens to the best of us, but frequently biting your tongue in these situations could be a sign of a weak sense of self.

There could be some valid reasons to refrain from saying no in certain situations. However, it is likely to stem from an underdeveloped sense of self if your main reason for not saying ‘no’ has to do with people pleasing or making others happy.

According to Healthline, constantly feeling the need to agree and comply with others might mean that you put too much emphasis on what others think of you to determine your own happiness (Raypole 2020). Remember to prioritize what truly makes you happy, even if it means that you can’t please everyone all the time.

2. You lack self-confidence

You have probably heard the term self-confidence a few times. But what exactly is it? Well, someone who is self-confident believes in their abilities in a realistic and positive way. Confidence doesn’t make you arrogant or stuck up, it just implies that you know yourself well enough to firmly understand what you do well.

On the other hand, when you lack self-confidence, it can mean that you may not know yourself well enough to believe in your strengths. It’s almost like you always surprise yourself when you do something well or right. Having a realistic view of your abilities is so important in developing a strong sense of self because it gives you a solid foundation from which to continue to grow and feel like your best self.

Having confidence doesn’t always come easy, and it is something that so many people continue to struggle with. Some tried and true ways to develop self-confidence are working towards having a positive inner voice, practicing gratitude, and reflecting on what you do well each day (Selig 2018).

3. You struggle to define your interests and values

What do you like to do for fun? Which values do you hold closest? If these questions seem daunting or hard to answer, you might not have a strong sense of self.

According to an article from Better Help, developing your hobbies is not only a great way to know yourself, but to find other great friendships (Buckley 2020). Many of the strongest friendships are rooted in common interests and values, so that positive addition to your life might help your sense of self grow even more.

Hobbies can be something like singing, writing, or playing a sport, and values can encompass honesty, compassion, and empathy. In any case, clearly identifying what you hold close can help you discover your unique qualities and who you want to share them with!

4. You often seek validation from others

When you do well on a test, score the winning goal, or perform a piece of music, are you proud of yourself? Or, do you wait for others, like parents or friends, to be proud of you?

There’s nothing wrong with wanting recognition for your work, or with wanting to be praised, but if praise has enough power to change the way you feel, you may be relying on it a bit too much. Relying on praise may indicate that you haven’t fully accepted yourself for all that you are and try to fill that gap with others accepting you instead.

According to Harley Therapy, accepting yourself is crucial to developing a strong sense of self because it will help you gain an honest perspective about who you are. Instead of often feeling like you’re out of place and not good enough, you’ll be able to more naturally find your footing, both with hobbies and social circles (Harley Therapy 2014).

5. You don’t spend time alone

Does spending time alone make you nervous? Is it something you struggle with?

Many experts agree that spending time with yourself is so important for the development of a strong sense of self, because it gives you some much-needed time to get to know yourself without distractions. If you have just started spending more alone-time, and it’s slightly difficult or uncomfortable, don’t worry, you’re not alone! Like most things, enjoying some solitude throughout the day will come easier with time.

Want to start spending time with yourself but don’t know how? Look no further, we have some ideas. Some great activities to try are nature walks, yoga, doing a puzzle, watching tv, cooking, and so much more!

6. You are very indecisive

Do you struggle to make decisions about your own wants and needs? From time to time, it’s perfectly normal to be indecisive, but if you often struggle to define what you want or how you feel, you may not be as in tune with yourself as you would like.

Be sure though, not to confuse indecisiveness with being careful and thinking things through. Taking time to weigh options for important bad things is great. But when you are often faced with options and have a hard time deciding, it might mean that you don’t trust yourself enough to make decisions (Cohen 2017). Sometimes, indecisiveness can be rooted in insecurity and doubt, which can lead to a weaker sense of self.

7. You disregard your own needs

When it comes to happiness and needs, do you put yourself first? Or do you try to appease those around you?

Similar to a few other items on this list, disregarding your own needs suggests that you don’t value your own peace and happiness. It may mean that you aren’t living life on your own terms, and instead mainly looking to please those around you (Raypole 2020).

Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with compromising in group settings or when you’re with friends. But if it goes a step beyond compromising, and you find yourself dismissing the needs, values, and worries inside your head, that may be something to pay attention to.

8. You have codependent relationships

Have you heard of the term codependency? In the context of relationships or friendships, it refers to leaning too much on the other person to hold you afloat. Not only is this unhealthy for your relationship, it can cause you to lose your sense of who you are, regardless of who’s around you (Luna).

Codependency often points to a weaker sense of self, because it can very easily cause you to base your own self-perception on how others perceive you. Even if these people are very close to you, know one has the ability to know you better than you, and focusing too much on outside opinions can skew the way you see yourself. For more about codependent relationships, check out some of our other articles and videos!

We hope this helped you identify some of the signs of a weak sense of self. Could you relate? Did we miss any? Let us know. Thanks for reading!

References

• Buckley D (2020, July 16). “The Importance of A Strong Sense of Self and How To Gain It”. Better Help. Harell T, reviewed by. Retrieved from www.betterhelp.com/advice/general/the-importance-of-a-strong-sense-of-self-and-how-to-gain-it/
• Cohen IS (2017, November 05). “7 Tips on How to Kick the Habit of Indecisiveness”. Psychology Today. Your Emotional Meter. Retrieved from www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-emotional-meter/201711/7-tips-how-kick-the-habit-indecisiveness
• Luna A (N.d). “18 Signs You Have a Poorly Developed Sense of Self (+ What to Do)”. Lonerwolf. Retrieved from www.lonerwolf.com/sense-of-self/
• Raypole C (2020, June 18). “‘Who Am I?’ How to Find Your Sense of Self”. Healthline. Klein A, reviewed by. Retrieved from www.healthline.com/health/sense-of-self
• Selig M (2018, May 02). “How to Be More Self-Confident in Just 3 Minutes a Day”. Psychology Today. Changepower. Retrieved from www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201805/how-be-more-self-confident-in-just-3-minutes-day
• “7 Ways to Have a Stronger Sense of Self” (2014, May 15). Harley Therapy. Counselling Blog. Jacobson S, reviewed by. Retrieved from www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/7-ways-stronger-sense.htm