Don’t be a Victim of Revenge-Porn.

You’ve heard of it. Maybe even been a victim of it. Revenge Porn. Also called “sextortion” is at the very least embarrassing. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, revenge porn is the distribution of sexually explicit photo’s or videos, without the consent of the individuals depicted.

It has become widely used as a means to blackmail people into continuing to perform sex acts, into continuing a relationship, or into giving money. The blackmailer threatens to make the photos and videos public for the purpose of harming an individual’s reputation. Your reputation is the beliefs or opinions that are held about you, and social media is the first-place potential employers look when deciding whether to hire you. It is highly unlikely that you would get the job if after your interview a picture of you naked pops up on the internet when you leave.

Love and Sex on the Internet

We no longer have a society in which young men and women come together face to face and go through the process of learning about each on a first date. Today, when young people meet for the first time, they have likely already learned a lot about the other person. They are already involved in an intimate relationship long before they have even held hands.

Technology is a tool for flirtation, for finding love, for having virtual sex while building a relationship.  Young love is driven by the desire to please your partner, and it doesn’t matter if that is face to face or via the computer. The difference is when you are sharing an intimate moment while in the presence of another person, you are not potentially sharing that moment with the world. When you are online and share an intimate photo with your new love, you are potentially sharing it with anyone that may intercept it as well as anyone your partner chooses to share it with, then whoever they wish to share it with and so on. 

Whether these images are theirs to share or not is irrelevant when it comes to the damage that can be done. Something that is seen cannot be un-seen. It is going to be up to you to protect your reputation. Is that blaming the victim? No. That is warning a person to be cautious, so they do not become a victim.

Once the images are out there, they are out of your control. The images do not belong to the other person. They are not theirs to share, yet that seldom stops them from passing along the photo as though it were a trophy.

Revenge Porn and the Law

In January 2018, legislation was introduced that would make revenge porn or posting nudes without the owner’s consent a federal crime and punishable with up to five years in prison and an undisclosed fine.

The ENOUGH Act – Ending Nonconsensual Online User Graphic Harassment- gives the Department of Justice a tool to treat nonconsensual porn postings as a criminal offense. Enough blaming the victim and holding them responsible for another person’s unlawful actions. Perpetrators who exploit or seek to humiliate and shame their victims must be held accountable.

Companies like Facebook, Snapchat, and Twitter are on board with the movement to stop revenge porn. Exactly what they can do to stop it remains to be seen.

If you are a victim of revenge porn or having your photos posted online without your consent, here are a few things you should do.

• Report nonconsensual images to the social media platform where they are posted.
• Screenshot the images. This is useful if you decide to build a legal case.
• File a police report.
• Consider hiring a service to remove your images from the internet.

…and Here is Why You Should Just Say No

It may be hard to say no when the person you are involved with is begging you to send a shot of yourself nude, especially when he practically begs. You begin to think, “what harm can it do? He promises to delete it.” My first word of advice, don’t believe him. I have seen first hand what guys do with the naked pictures they receive. They laugh with their buddies as they pass it around. They forward it to the buddies who weren’t there for the show. They compare it with nude pictures from their buddies phone. That is all done within about 5 minutes. He may even keep his promise and delete the photo. Eventually.  By then it is too late. Your picture is out there forever.

There is no such thing as safe sexting. The chances of you facing long-term consequences are just as high as the chances of you getting pregnant when you don’t use birth-control.

Another reason to say no, if you need one, is because by sending that photo you have just handed the other person a grenade. When things in the relationship turn bad, or he gets pissed off at you, and threatens you with the photos what will you do? He has the power and can use it to bribe you into doing things you do not want to do. Never give someone that kind of power over you. Never ever.

Finally, care about your future and realize how much is at stake should your photos get leaked or posted. Current employment, future employment, any employment will not appreciate their worker representing the company while their nude body pops up on a Google search.

What about the children you will have someday? How could this impact them? No child I have ever met would be thrilled their mother (or father) became famous from a sex tape. I would be horrified to find out my mother had sex videos being played across the internet. I would have to find all new friends and not tell them who my mom was.

Guys will never be satisfied with just one picture. They will continue to ask and only get bolder about it. Remember, once you send it, you have no control over what happens to it or who sees it. The most well-intentioned guy will keep it private, but what happens when he shows a random picture of his dog to a friend who then goes through his gallery. There you are in all your naked glory being gawked at by someone who was never supposed to see it. Nope, it’s just never a good idea.