Exposing The Dark Empath

Have you ever felt that you’ve been taken advantage of? That someone has purposely manipulated you emotionally, even though they may not have done so overtly? If so, you may be the target of a dark empath.

A dark empath is a person who exhibits two opposite traits—an uncanny ability to recognize and sympathize with other people’s emotions, and a simultaneous self-serving tendency to use that knowledge to take advantage of others.

If you think you’re dealing with a dark empath, here are some signs to watch out for.

1) They exhibit “Dark Triad” traits

Let’s be honest: does the term “Dark Empath” sound even remotely sensational to you?

While it’s not a diagnosable condition, this term is scientifically supported. According to one 2021 study led by Nadja Heym, it’s even considered to be one of the most dangerous personality profiles out there.

The Dark Empath is characterized by three personality traits known as the Dark Triad: narcissism (an inflated sense of entitlement), Machiavellianism (an indifference to morality), and psychopathy (an inability to empathize with others).

So if you’re interacting with someone who’s showing signs of all three of these traits, there’s a good chance you’re dealing with a dark empath.

2) They’re self-critical

Dark empaths can oftentimes find themselves at the junction between being narcissistic and having low self-esteem.

Yes, they’re entitled and manipulative. But at the core of things, they’re still empaths. They’re attuned to other people’s emotions and can feel their pain.

One 2020 profile analysis led by Daniel Spurk unveiled a fascinating finding: that dark empaths score a little higher in neuroticism compared to the typical control group, despite their traits overlapping with narcissism and psychopathy. Neuroticism is defined as a vulnerability to negative emotions like anxiety, depression, and guilt.

However, it should be said that the dark empaths in the study didn’t score higher in depression or anxiety. Rather, the heightened neuroticism may reflect on their self-doubt and hostility. This suggests that they do have a conscience, despite their selfish motives. There may even be a window of opportunity for them to feel bad and repulsed about their own actions.

Does that excuse them from being manipulative? Not at all. But it does show that they’re not entirely void of a moral compass.

3) They can be extremely charming

Have you ever met someone who was so effortlessly charming, but after spending more time with them, you realized that there was something just… off?

Dark empaths know how to read people and quickly learn what makes them tick. They use this information to their advantage by mirroring others’ behaviors and emotions. In front of a crowd, they may look affectionate, sweet, and composed—perhaps that’s what drew you to them in the first place.

But in private, their true colors may start to show. They may suddenly start to act cold, disinterested, or even aggressive. Definitely not like the person you first met.

Worst of all? The dark empaths may be conniving enough to shower their partner with just a smidge of empathy to string them along and keep them around. This gives a false glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, they’re still good deep inside.

But in reality, that sweet persona they fabricated had already disappeared long ago.

4) They are emotionally distant

While they can be effortlessly charming, they can also be emotionally distant.

Their priority is always themselves, first and foremost. They have mastered the ability to be indirect and manipulative so they can get what they want without having to show any sort of emotional vulnerability.

They can give an entire speech about how much they care for you, how much you mean to them – but their words are always half-baked and rarely ever meant.

5) They use manipulation tactics subtly

Love bombing, gaslighting, ghosting, playing the victim—any of these sound familiar?

These are all manipulation tactics that dark empaths use to control and take advantage of their victims. Dark empaths are cunning and manipulative, and they do know not to reveal too much of themselves at the start.

However, as mentioned earlier, it’s possible for some dark empaths to feel repulsed by the thought of doing something bad and the aftermath of their actions. This may lead them to rationalize their bad behavior by making up scenarios in their head that put them in a more favorable light (e.g. “I only did it because I was hurt”).

And even then, some dark empaths truly believe that their manipulative tactics are a means to an end—and that’s the most frightening thing about them.

Closing Thoughts

It’s not easy to deal with a dark empath—but it’s important to be aware of their existence.

They are often charming, yet emotionally distant. Sweet, yet manipulative. They can make you feel like the most special person in the world—and then turn around and use you for selfish gain.

If you think you may be dealing with a dark empath, it’s important to take measures to protect yourself. Set boundaries, don’t let them control you, and as much as possible, keep them out of your life.

That’s all for now, Psych2Goers!

References:

• Daniel Spurk, Andreas Hirschi, Mo Wang, Domingo Valero, Simone Kauffeld (2020) Latent profile analysis: A review and “how to” guide of its application within vocational behavior research, Journal of Vocational Behavior, Volume 120. Retrieved at https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jvb.2020.103445.
• Nadja Heym, Fraenze Kibowski, Claire A.J. Bloxsom, Alyson Blanchard, Alexandra Harper, Louise Wallace, Jennifer Firth, Alexander Sumich (2021) The Dark Empath: Characterising dark traits in the presence of empathy, Personality, and Individual Differences. Retrieved at https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2020.110172.
• Jackson, C. (April 27, 2022) 9 Warning Signs of a Dark Empath. Retrieved at https://thetrulycharming.com/signs-dark-empath/
• Lawrenz, L. (Feb 8, 2022) How to Spot a Dark Empath. Psychcentral. Retrieved at https://psychcentral.com/health/what-is-a-dark-empath
• Brie (May 2, 2022). 5 Signs You’re Dealing with a Dark Empath. Psych2Go. Retrieved at https://psych2go.net/5-signs-youre-dealing-with-a-dark-empath/