Five signs someone isn’t ready for a relationship

Starting a courtship with someone can be extremely exciting.

There’s oftentimes butterflies involved. The surge of excitement when you see a text from him or her light up across your screen. The unearthing of who someone is as he or she shows you parts of their innermost world. 

But how do you know if this person is really ready be in a committed relationship with you? How do you know if and when that person is on the same page you are if you do want a relationship?

Here are some signs someone isn’t ready for a relationship that could give you greater clarity: 

1. He or she is going out on many dates. 

Have you ever been in a situation where you’re getting to know someone and starting to develop feelings, only to find out that he or she is going on multiple dates with other people? 

It can be jarring and disheartening to find out the person you like is seeing other people. According to Globalnews.com, this is a common scenario because of how common dating apps are. Applications like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge — among countless others — have vastly widened the pool of potential partners.

Online dating expert Julie Spira, who advocates for casting this wide net, also explained its long-term pitfalls. 

“If someone continues to play the field, and doesn’t take a digital leap of faith with one person, they may end up on a merry-go-round and end up in a series of one-and-done dates, or dates that don’t go past a few weeks,” she says.

If this is happening to you and you’re not seeing anyone else, Elite Daily notes that having a straightforward conversation about where the two of you are could be helpful in establishing what the dynamic will be moving forward.

2. He or she brings up an ex often.

Have you ever wondered if the the reason why person you’re seeing keeps bringing up their ex means something deeper or if it’s inconsequential? 

A lingering ex could also look like mentioning him or her out of nowhere, reaching out on their birthday or keeping in touch with their family. 

An almost-relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable due to unresolved feelings for someone else could result in a connection with someone who has difficulty receiving love and other deep emotions. To give more context, if you’re trying to foster a deeper connection, this an unemotionally available person who still has feelings for an ex could feel an inability to go deeper with you.

It could also look like someone who can’t go beyond the formalities or niceties in a conversation — pushing you away if you get close to an emotional boundary. This could leave you feeling like something is off about the dynamic, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. 

3. They don’t know what they want. 

Have you ever expressed exactly what you need from someone, only to be met with an “I don’t know” from the other person? 

It’s hard for someone to be all in — and ready for a relationship with you — if he or she is unsure of what they want.

4. He or she is flaky.

Do you find yourself Googling why the person you’re interested in will text you last minute and bail on plans yet again? 

This can also look like failing being on time when you two do meet. A person’s ability or inability to follow through on plans that are made and arrive on time is telling of where he or she is mentally. Put simply, a committed person will make that abundantly clear with his or her actions.  

It can be telling of how ready someone is if he or she is unable to stick with a plan you’ve made together. 

5. There’s a lack of progression in the relationship. 

Ever feel like the two of you are at a standstill? There’s just too much time between dates or it just feels like there aren’t many steps taken forward in the relationship, ever? 

A lack of progression can also look like there never being a mention of your future together, a lack of immediate plans or you just don’t feel emotionally fulfilled. 

According to Lifestyle.com, the progression of relationships typically occurs in five stages: attraction and romance, reality setting in, disappointment (the stage in which conflicts get resolved and there is growth in a healthy partnership), stability and commitment. 

If it feels like this dynamic is in limbo and isn’t headed toward the next category, it could very well mean he or she simply isn’t ready to make the plunge and be in a relationship. 

What are some more signs of this you’ve picked up on? 

A. (2018, January 4). Dating multiple people at once is the norm — here’s how to do it right. Global News. https://globalnews.ca/news/3943295/dating-more-than-one-person/

E. (2015, June 24). 12 Obvious Signs You’re Dating Someone Who Isn’t Ready For A Real Relationship. Thought Catalog. https://thoughtcatalog.com/elizabeth-stone/2015/06/12-obvious-signs-youre-dating-someone-who-isnt-ready-for-a-real-relationship/

Fellizar, K. (2018, February 15). 9 Signs Your Relationship Isn’t Moving At A Healthy Pace. Bustle. https://www.bustle.com/p/9-signs-your-relationship-isnt-moving-at-a-healthy-pace-8235212

Fulks, R. (n.d.). Recognizing the Five Stages in a Relationship. LoveToKnow. https://dating.lovetoknow.com/Five_Stages_in_a_Relationship

Muska, S. (2017, March 10). 7 Things Guys Do When They’re Not Over Their Exes. Women’s Health. https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a19961231/not-over-his-ex/