INFJ: 7 Reasons Why You’re Still Single

Have you ever heard of Myers-Briggs Type Indicator? Do you know what the INFJ personality type is? INFJ is the rarest of the Myers-Briggs personalities and stands for Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, and Judging. INFJs are mostly known for their introverted behaviour and their idealistic approach towards life, amongst other features (Cherry, 2020). Of course, the behavioural traits that INFJs possess can make them very valuable for society. After all, if you are an INFJ, you are part of the rarest personality type that only consists of 1–3% of the population (Cherry, 2020). But like everyone else, these same traits that INFJs have can have negative effects. In this article, I will be addressing one specific issue that INFJs tend to have, which is finding a romantic partner. I will be describing 7 reasons why this happens.

You won’t settle for anyone other than your dream person

Would you end romantic relationships even when you feel physical attraction and have shared goals and interests with your partner? This is one of the main reasons why INFJs are still single. As an INFJ, you are always striving to find someone who can connect with you mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually to a very intimate degree (Granneman, 2019). You’re always looking for someone who truly understands you and someone who you can really share everything from your inner world. But that’s where the problem is. You won’t settle for anyone and look for someone who you can share everything with. At the same time, the selectiveness that you have when forming relationships presents itself as a barrier for people who are interested and want to know you better.

You stress over small things

Are you someone who always needs things to be perfect to be satisfied? Wanting everything to be perfect can lead to you constantly stressing over small things. As an INFJ, you will always develop deeper ideas than the usual person. And although this is an incredible skill to have, it can also make you paranoid of things that are not even happening (Delovska, 2020). Would you like to be with someone who is constantly stressed about insignificant things? Imagine being with someone who focuses too much of their attention on trivial things, instead of focusing on you as their partner. This could be one of the reasons why you, as an INFJ, are still single.

You wait for others to make the first move

Have you ever felt like you starting a conversation with someone could be a burden for them? This is a common thought that INFJs have. As an introverted person, you usually wait for others to make the first move. You wait for others to text you first, or to invite you to a date. This happens because, like I mentioned earlier, you tend to have thoughts regarding how bothersome it would be for the other person if you texted them or invited them for dinner, especially when you yourself value alone time so much (Granneman, 2019). This will result in you missing opportunities when they present themselves, and not acting when you should act.

You can be very stubborn

Stubbornness is a common trait that everyone has to a certain degree. After all, it is important to defend your values and beliefs. But how strongly do you defend yours? One of your main personality traits as an INFJ is that you tend to stick very closely to your values, beliefs, and ideas (Cherry, 2020). This can make you an overly stubborn person and annoy those around because you might give the impression that you’re not willing to change your opinion even when proven wrong. This can be a very important factor for potential romantic partner who are deciding whether they want to stick around you all the time.

You see past fake acts

Have you ever gotten into a fight with someone because you found them faking something? Although people can tell you that you’re just assuming things, as an INFJ, you have that ability to see past the surface of things, and notice things that other people don’t. Unlike other people, you are very observant of things like body language, voice tone, and facial expressions (Granneman, 2019). Let’s be honest, being able to see past fake acts can disqualify more people than you might think when considering who you want to form a romantic relationship with.

You don’t do casual

Do you commit to relationships very fast because you don’t want it to be a waste of time? If your answer is yes, then this might be a reason that you, as an INFJ, are still single. One of your personality traits is that you don’t like wasting time and effort on things that are not going to work out. This is also why you are so selective about who you form relationships with. However, when looking at romantic relationships, this trait might scare people off, as most people usually prefer to start casually and not commit too much too soon (Delovska, 2020).

Dating is a pain for you

Do you have a positive or a negative impression of the dating experience? Although a lot of people find “dating” as bothersome, INFJs can feel overwhelmed by this. As an INFJ, one of your inferior functions is extroverted sensing (James, 2019). This means that you don’t like it when a lot of sensory information is being thrown your way. You don’t like having to put yourself out there and sorting all the information that is available. You find constantly meeting new people exhausting. All of these factored together result in you avoiding dates as much as possible.

To conclude, and just as a friendly reminder, there is nothing wrong with being single. But it is important to remember that being an INFJ does not only come with benefits. The challenges that you have to face when looking for a romantic partner could be considered to be harder than others. You have to overcome personality traits that you might not even notice. As such, it is important that you consider the points that have been addressed above and reflect on them. Small changes in these can lead to great results on your search for a romantic partner.