Stages of gaslighting you need to beware of

The American Psychological Association (APA), “the term gaslight once referred to manipulation so extreme as to induce mental illness or to justify commitment of the gaslighted person to a psychiatric institution but is now used more generally.”

Over the years, more and more people are coming in contact with individuals who gaslight them. But because of the creative ways in which the individuals gaslight you, it may be hard to understand what exactly is happening.

In today’s article, let us take a look at some stages of gaslighting that you need to be aware of.

Disclaimer: This article is meant for educational purposes only. Do not use information in this or any other article to self-diagnose or diagnose other people. If you feel that you or someone close to you may possess some of the characteristics mentioned in this or any other article on our blog and need help then please, consult a licensed mental health professional. This article is not a substitute for professional advice, but for general guidance.

1. Lie and Exaggerate.

The professional gaslighter isn’t someone who starts behaving badly right away.

The gaslighter constructs a negative narrative about the gaslightee based on broad erroneous assumptions and allegations rather than specific, independently verifiable facts, putting the gaslightee on the defensive.

In general, gaslighters are astute individuals who understand the importance of preparing the ground before digging in and establishing their roots. This begins with a string of fabrications and exaggerations. They must develop a story in which you are unstable or untrustworthy in order to separate you from your self-confidence. They gradually instil in you the notion that you are a flawed individual, a narrative that they will later exploit against you.

2. Repetition.

Make no mistake: the goal of the gaslighter’s campaign is to seize control of the relationship. They’ll need to establish some efforts to do so, which will take time and effort. As a result, they’ve progressed to stage 2.

They prepare to instil self-doubt within you. To accomplish this, they increase the intensity and frequency of the lies and exaggeration until you become perplexed about the authenticity of your own emotions and experiences.

diverse angry women quarreling in kitchen — Photo by Liza Summer on Pexels.com

3. Escalating the build up.

The gaslighter will use more manipulative tactics at this point. You become more aware of their bad behaviour and how it affects you by this third stage. Instead of admitting their deception and manipulation, the gaslighter ups the ante. They’ll tell greater lies, deny situations outright, and even shift blame to make you look terrible. You provide them with more fuel the more you try to argue.

4. Wear Out the Victim.

Gaslighting isn’t just done by narcissists. It’s actually quite the opposite. Gaslighting is used all the time by ordinary people. Consistency is far more important than anything else. The gaslighter must wear you down and disconnect you from yourself in order to keep their campaign going. They work their angles to the point of exhaustion, never missing an opportunity to blame you anytime you call them out or question their motives. When you’ve had enough of fighting them, you’ll find it easier to control and separate yourself from your sense of self.

5. Establish codependency.

Gaslighting relationships are characterised by uneasiness and anxiety. The gaslighter keeps you in a state of perpetual doubt. You begin to distrust your own thoughts, feelings, and even your own experiences. This contributes to the development of codependency in the relationship. As you begin to doubt yourself, you begin to rely on your partner’s perspective and what they tell you is true. It’s a terrible way of life that utterly isolates you from yourself.

man and woman having an arguement — Photo by Diva Plavalaguna on Pexels.com

6. Give False Hope.

To give the gaslightee false hope, the gaslighter will periodically treat the victim with warmth, moderation, and even fake sympathy or remorse as a manipulative ploy.

But watch out! The victim’s brief mildness is frequently a premeditated ruse designed to induce complacency and lower the victim’s guard before the next act of gaslighting occurs.

7. Dominate and control.

The gaslighter’s siege has reached its conclusion. When the gaslighter takes control of your life by forcing you into a corner, this is called coercion. At this point, you have no control. You believe the lies they tell you, and you’ve internalised the notion that you’re in many ways inferior to them. At this point, they maintain you in a perpetual state of uneasiness and anxiety, allowing them to dominate and overwhelm you in any way that suits their needs.