The whole point of being with someone is establishing a sense of closeness that is beneficial to the growth and well-being of the both of you. If you and your romantic partner are constantly putting your walls up and avoiding the difficult conversations, because subject matters are too awkward to approach, then you’re allowing fear to hold you back from forming a deep and meaningful relationship. Although hook-up culture has liberated what dating entails by providing ample opportunities for casual sex, it has also made it incredibly challenging for people to communicate openly about what is bothering them. Push through those struggles anyway, because anything worth having in the end takes a great amount of courage and self-respect. Psych2Go shares with you 10 relationship situations you should never put up with:
Your health is all that you have to sustain you. If you’re hiding secrets about the health issues you’re facing, whether it be a physical ailment or a psychological disorder, then you’re not allowing your partner to be there for you when you’re facing problems that are difficult to deal with alone. Part of what it means to get better and heal properly is letting people in to provide the support you can lean on when you are feeling at your weakest.
When I first started dating the person I’m currently with, I remember touching his forehead and asked him if he often gets fevers. He told me he doesn’t, but it was my way of letting him know that if he ever came down with a terrible flu or a dizzying fever, then I would be willing to go out of my way to take care of him. It’s good to build a foundation of trust by letting your partner know they can lean on you during tough times and vice versa.
As you and your partner know each other longer, things may grow stagnant and fall into a predictable routine. While it’s great that the both of you grew comfortable around each other over time, the two of you might fall into a spell of laziness and stop working on the relationship. You may find it boring to be with your partner or that the sex isn’t as fulfilling anymore.
Don’t be hesitant about the situation and talk about these concerns with your partner. Chances are, they might be feeling the same way, too. If you’re afraid that bringing this up will offend your partner and choose to let it fester inside, hoping that your partner will read your mind, then you’re taking an unfair approach to the situation and it won’t change anything. Take the initiative and talk about the unfavorable direction your relationship is moving towards.
3. Your quirks
Everyone has a set of weird habits or tendencies they lean towards. Don’t deny that part of yourself and allow your partner in on it. It’s a waste of time being with someone you can’t fully be yourself around. It’s natural to be a little nervous to show your wacky side to someone, especially if you’re still in the initial stage of dating them, but if you find that you can’t reveal all your quirks over time without being afraid that your partner will judge you, then are you really with the right person?
I love being weird with the person I’m currently dating. We’ve developed strange nicknames for each other and instead of letting our quirks drive us apart, they’ve only helped us grow closer. He and I have a similar sense of humor, and when we combine that weirdness, amazing things happen. Chemistry happens. I’ve joked with him that we’re like oil and water, but he told me that it doesn’t matter. What matters is the emulsifier that brings those two components together. In this case, I believe our mutual fascination towards each other’s weirdness acts as our emulsifier.
4. Reaction towards children
Children is a topic that is going to be brought up into the discussion one way or another. Why people often avoid the subject is because it’s a common factor that either makes or breaks relationships. If you find that you have a strong desire to build a family one day, but your partner is indifferent towards the idea, is it really fair for your needs to be denied because your partner wants something different? That’s why this conversation is so important to have.
I’m thankful that the person I’m currently with doesn’t feel strongly towards having kids, because those are my exact feelings, too. The last person I dated, however, was always adamant about being a dad. I flat out told him on our first date that I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to have kids. It bothered him when I told him, but he didn’t communicate those feelings with me and stuck around for a while, probably hoping that I’d eventually change my mind.
He didn’t tell me how much it bothered him until a couple months down the road. It made me feel insecure when I didn’t have those same desires, but I told myself that if I ever change my mind when it’s too late for me to get pregnant, then I’d resort to adoption. There’s really no need to put pressure on myself to be a mother if that was always a low priority on my list. You shouldn’t either if you feel the same, but if your partner feels the opposite, then you might want to think about whether or not your relationship can sustain.
5. Financial problems
In a perfect world, people wouldn’t have to worry about money, but unfortunately, that world doesn’t exist. If you’re concerned about the way your partner has been spending money, you shouldn’t have to worry about addressing the issue. After all, part of what it means to grow together means sharing the same space and learning to get along with each other. But, if your partner decides to be reckless with their spending habits that make it hard to pay rent, then there won’t even be a shared space to grow together. This discussion shouldn’t be avoided, because you want to make sure your partner is reliable. If they aren’t, you might want to ask yourself if you’re with the right person.
6. Your partner’s drawbacks and failures
Part of being in a relationship means constantly taking in and accepting your partner’s flaws and failures. It means being able to look through their habits that may be difficult to deal with and putting up with them on the bad days, but remember that you are a valid person, too. And if something your partner did really hurt or offended you, don’t sweep that underneath the rug and pretend like everything is okay. While it’s great to play the supportive role, make sure that you’re not being a doormat and speak up if you feel as if your partner did something wrong. A healthy relationship means sustaining the happiness of both partners, not just one.
7. Space and alone time
Although it’s great that you found someone you like spending time with, that doesn’t mean you don’t occasionally need space or alone time to re-charge, especially if you’re an introvert. Don’t hesitate to let your partner know that sometimes, you need to be off on your own. It’s important to set healthy boundaries, but if your partner doesn’t respect them by crossing them often, then that may be a sign you’re in a toxic relationship. Let your partner know that needing space doesn’t translate to “I don’t love you anymore.”
The person I’m currently with values his alone time just as much as me. When we need time to ourselves after having a bad day, we provide each other that necessary space to feel better. But, we do it in a manner in which we let each other know that we’re here for one another when the other person has cooled off and is ready to talk about their problems.
8. Personal problems
If you’re going through some personal issues, it’s not a good idea to pretend like everything is copacetic when it feels like the whole world is collapsing. You should never feel like you have to go through something alone, because you’re worried about bringing your problems to your partner that may be burdensome. The whole point of having a relationship is being able to open up and communicate honestly with your partner without having to worry about being judged.
The person I’m dating knows a lot about the unhappy details of my life. We can sit and eat dinner together, and I’ll find myself spilling my guts to him. He’s someone who is easy to talk to for me. I never have to worry about coming off too sad, too weird, too stupid, or too much of anything.
9. Plans for the future
Ask yourself if you see a future with your partner and then have that discussion. People are often scared to have this conversation because they may realize they want different things. For instance, your partner may want to move to a new city to pursue more schooling or a job promotion that’s calling their name. But, you may want to settle down where you are and start a family. That’s why it’s so important to talk about the future. Events like these can’t be avoided and putting them off only hurts you and your partner more in the long run.
The person I’m dating doesn’t mind long distance relationships. That provides me with some flexibility if I ever decide to pursue a career that translates to more miles between us. He’s not the type of person to be overbearing or controlling in that sense, which makes being with him a breath of fresh air.
We all have insecurities and sooner or later, we make it obvious to our partners. Perhaps you feel ugly without makeup on or you’re insecure about your weight. Let your partner know that you love them just the way they are. A healthy relationship isn’t about maintaining the superficialities. Instead, it’s about creating a safe space in which both you and your partner’s insecurities can be talked about and overcome together.
My partner and I often reveal and talk about our insecurities. We reassure each other how we feel towards one another. During the times when we build each other up, our relationship strengthens more. Those moments always make me feel incredibly lucky that I met someone like him.
What are your experiences in dealing with these uncomfortable situations? Psych2Go would love to hear your thoughts! Leave a comment down below!
11 Relationship Situations You Should Never Put up With. (2017). Retrieved October 10, 2017, from brightside.me