DISCLAIMER: This article is for educational purposes and is based on personal opinions. It is not a substitute for professional advice, but general guidance. We advise you to always listen to your intuition and always do what is right for you.
“Should I stay or should I go?”
An answer to that question rarely comes easy, especially when it comes to relationships. Breaking up with someone is hard, and you might feel like you just can’t decide what to do. What if you make the wrong decision? What if you’re overreacting?
If you’re feeling unsure about your relationship and feel like you need some advice on breaking up or staying together, read these signs that could help you make that big decision.
1. You fight all the time
How often do you fight with your partner? And what is it about?
It’s not unusual to fight about stuff like dirty dishes every once in a while. Also, sometimes small arguments can get a little heated, and that’s completely okay. But if you can’t remember the last time you didn’t have an argument with your partner, and if you have a major fight to the point of almost breaking up every other week, maybe it’s time to take it as a sign you might not work together as a couple. If you feel you can’t work it out with good communication, the fights probably won’t end any time soon.
2. You feel controlled
Even if you’re a part of a serious (or not so serious) relationship, you have a right for your own privacy. And your other half has the obligation to respect that privacy. If they don’t, you may end up feeling controlled. Maybe they check your phone, pay close attention to who you’re talking to, try to dictate who you can hang out with… They could go so far to even try to get you away from your family, just so you could stay near them at all costs. This is a major red flag, and if you’re finding yourself in a situation like this, you should dump them before they get a chance to control you even further.
3. You have no time for yourself
It’s important to find time for what makes you happy as a person to keep a sense of individuality and identity. But sometimes your partner stays so close all the time, you feel almost like you’re glued to each other. You don’t have time to read a chapter of your favorite book or play your newest video game for half an hour, or can’t hang out with friends without them being around. No matter how you want to spend it, you deserve some time for yourself, and they shouldn’t be here to take it away from you.
4. They avoid communication
Without proper communication, it is hard to overcome the obstacle life puts in front you. You need to be heard, and you need to be ready to listen. And of course, the same goes for the other part of the equation. If your partner happens to have more important things to do than listen to what you have to say, if they don’t seem to be taking you seriously, or if they roll their eyes everytime you try to sit them down and talk about stuff that’s important to you, it’s hard to imagine that relationship getting any stronger and heathier.
5. You’re not a priority to them
You had a terrible day at work, and you can’t wait to come home, tell your partner about it and get a long, warm hug. But when you come home, you have to wait for them to finish watching that Netflix show. Or, you plan an exciting dinner date, you prepare the food, music, candles… and then, they don’t show up because they changed their mind and went out with their friends instead. Situations like these show you’re not really a priority to your partner, even in times you need them the most, and they are a sign you should maybe rethink your relationship with them.
6. You see no future together
When you think about the future with your partner, what do you see? A nice house, nice kids, stable and happy marriage until “death do you part”? Or do you see an unstable future filled with mistrust, misunderstandings, fights and uncertainties? Of course, not all relationships end in a nice and long marriage, and that doesn’t mean the relationship was bad. But if you just don’t see yourself spending your life with them, why would you stay?
7. They aren’t making any effort
Healthy relationships require effort from both sides. If something about you is bothering your partner, you listen to what they have to say and you work on getting those problems fixed. For example, maybe you need to work on opening up, or dividing chores if you live together, or putting more time into planning date nights. But that, of course, goes for both sides. You do 50% of the work, and they do 50% of the work. If they always say they will put more effort in your relationship but they never do, it might be a sign they just don’t find it that important.
8. You’re unhappy
Is your relationship going the way you imagined it? Do you feel fulfilled and happy when you’re with your partner?
Oftentimes when we’re not happy in a relationship, we tend to deny it, even to ourselves. We fear change and new life without our partner, and we tell ourselves “it’s not actually that bad” or “maybe in some time it will get better”. But do you think it really will get better? If you’re unhappy, deep down you know it. And being unhappy is not what relationships are about.
9. You think about breaking up all the time
If you’re reading this article, maybe you already feel like something is wrong in your relationship. Maybe you’re unsure if you’ll be able to fix the problems that you have, or you’re just unsure if you’re a good fit. You might also be thinking about your future without them, or imagining scenarios in which you’re breaking up. If that happens often, your intuition is most likely right, and maybe it’s time to end things.
10. They are abusive
Last, but certainly not least, abuse is a clear sign you should have already broken up with them, like yesterday. Even if they are (hopefully) not being physically abusive, verbal and emotional abuse counts as well and it’s just as serious. If they keep bringing you down, humiliate you, talk badly about you behind your back, or even in front of your friends or family, they are nothing more than abusers. You deserve someone who will love you and take care of you, and treat you like their whole world. If they do any less than that, you be the one to take care of yourself and give them a one-way ticket away from you!
Of course, most of these signs, like bad communication or lack of time for yourself, can be fixed if both sides really try. Sometimes partners just have some bad periods and neglect their relationship for some time, but when they find it important enough, they manage to overcome that time. But also, sometimes the signs are clear as day, and it’s better to spend your time looking for someone else. If that happens, it’s important to know you’re going to be okay. Even if it feels unbearable at the moment, time is here to help you heal, until you find comfort in another pair of arms. Good luck!
Thank you for reading!
Written by: Stela Košić
If you wish to find out more about topics on breakups, feel free to check out some of the videos from Psych2Go’s YouTube channel:
- 8 Reasons To Break Up With Someone
- 6 Signs Your Relationship Is Over
- 7 Signs You’re Ready for a Closure From a Relationship
- 6 Reasons People Leave The One They Love
- 5 Signs to Leave a Relationship
- Brown, L. (2021, November 17). When is it time to break up? 19 signs you need to end the relationship. Hack Spirit. https://hackspirit.com/when-is-it-time-to-break-up-15-signs-to-the-end-the-relationship/
- Lamothe, C. (2019, July 30). When (and How) to Break Up with Someone You Love. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/when-to-break-up-with-someone-you-love#signs