10 Things that Narcissists Think You Owe Them

Relationships, romantic or platonic involving a narcissist can be a difficult one. It comes as no surprise that narcissists attract empaths and vice versa; narcissists have superficial and alluring charm and feed the empath everything they want to hear and feel from that other person, without necessarily meaning what they say. This kind of behaviour can lead to an extremely toxic attraction as narcissists have a tendency to believe that other people owe them more than they are willing to offer themselves.

This article is designed for educational purposes and is not to be used as a self diagnosis tool for narcissism, narcissistic traits and narcissistic personality disorder. If you or somebody you know suspects that they have narcissistic traits  please seek support from you doctor or mental health professional.  

couple embracing on a set of stairs.

Here are 10 things that narcissists think you owe them. 

They think you owe them your time. A narcissist will often feel that all of your time belongs to them regardless of whatever plans you have in place with other people. They will believe that you are not treating them as a priority if you do not drop plans to meet their needs. However, they will not give you all of their time in return and will be selective about the time they chose to spend with you. They will expect you to feel grateful that they are giving you their time.

They think you owe them your kindness. Narcissists believe that no matter how mean they are to you, you should be kind and understanding towards them at all times. Narcissists are manipulative and will take advantage of your good nature.

They think you owe them your attention. As well as making you feel like you owe them your time, they will expect attention to be given to them at all times, no matter how busy you are. Narcissists will generally not care if they are reciprocating or not. If you do not give them attention, they may make accusations that you don’t care about them or that they are not important to you, making you question your priorities.

They think you owe them your companionship. Narcissists will want you to be with them when THEY want you to be with them. They will demand your company and often, have a tendency to isolate you from your family and friends. Even when you are not physically together, they will still expect you to message and call them throughout the day to maintain your attention.
They will make you believe that they are the most important thing in your life and push themselves onto you.

 

They think that you are responsible for everything, including their own wrongdoings. Narcissists appear to have a sense of entitlement which other people do not. They will expect you to take responsibility for their own wellbeing and for all the bad things which are happening to them. As narcissists do not accept responsibility for their actions, they will expect you take responsibility for that too! They will expect you to take care of them and if you are not doing that, then you are not acting in their best interests.

They think you owe them your guilt. This links to the previous point, however, it is important to note that narcissists will make you feel guilty of things you have not even done. Narcissists enjoy playing the victim and want people to feel sorry for them. This repetitive cycle of blaming and guilt can lead to you having a lower sense of self worth. The moment you start to feel like you have low levels of confidence, then this is the perfect gateway for a narcissist to manipulate you to do things that they want you to and develop a codependent relationship with you.

They think you owe them your ear to listen to them. Remember that narcissists are entitled and therefore, will have high expectations about what they want from you. They are not likely going to listen to your problems or troubles but if they do, there will be some kind of incentive in it for them. They will make you feel as though it is your duty to listen to their complaints all the time, with little chance of reciprocation. 

They will make you thing you are indebted to them. When you first encounter a narcissist, you won’t suspect that they are a narcissist (unless they tell you, which is unlikely). Usually, narcissists are covert (hidden) and they begin a bonding with you by being a very nice and kind person. They will make you believe that they are the only person who has ever done good to you and that you won’t find somebody who treats you as well as they do. No matter how much they have hurt you, they feel that they are doing you a favour by being nice to you.

 

They think you owe them your freedom. Controlling behaviour is associated with narcissism which means that there is a chance that they will make decisions for you both. This may include what you wear, where you go, what you do etc. They will not give up their freedom or make compromises for you but will dictate your life. This can have so many negative effects on you; it can ruin your self esteem, destroy confidence and make you question yourself (this can also be classed as ‘gaslighting’). Essentially, what the narcissist wants is for you to be completely dependent and sucked into a relationship where you will believe that you need to stay with that person in order to survive.

They think they own you. As a result of all the the previous points, this is the end game and a harsh truth. The narcissist wants to feel like they own you and can do whatever you want. This makes it harder for you to break free.

Thank you for reading this article. If you have affected by this article in anyway, please make sure you confide in somebody you trust. Being a victim of narcissism or in fact, having narcissistic traits can be extremely difficult. This article is not designed to depict narcissists as bad people but rather, to give an insight into their behaviours may manifest to others. If you have found this article useful, leave a comment in the box below.

Keep safe and watch for more updates coming soon!

J 🙂

References / Reading List 

10 Things A Narcissist Believes All Empaths Owe Them. (2018, May 22). Mind Journal. https://themindsjournal.com/10-things-narcissist-thinks-the-empath-owes-them/

Narcissists Think Every Empath Should Owe Them These 8 Things. (2018, September 22). Relationship Rules. https://www.relrules.com/narcissists-think-every-empath-should-owe-them-these-8-things/

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