This article is purely for educational purposes and is not designed to diagnose narcissism or suggest that if any of the things discussed in this article suggest that the person you know or have been involved with, is a narcissist. It is important that we don’t put labels on people unnecessarily. If you think that you may have been or currently are involved with somebody who has narcissist, then confide in somebody you trust or seek professional support.
Hello Psych2Goers! Are you ready for another article? Let’s get to it! As we know, narcissism is a buzz word used quite a lot in the modern day. It’s possible that we have all known or been involved with somebody who has narcissist traits at some point in our lives. It is even possible that some of you may had a narcissist as a romantic partner. If you have, then you may resonate with some of the points highlighted in this article. For those who don’t know much about narcissism, then this article will hopefully provide some insight, especially in regards to things which narcissists don’t do.
Here are 11 things which a narcissist will never do.
They will never apologise to you or admit they were wrong.
Since the narcissist never takes responsibility for their actions, words, or feelings, what is there to apologize for? Some of you may feel like you have had an apology, but you will never get a real apology from a narcissist. You might hear something along the lines of “I’m sorry that you feel that way” which puts the responsibility back onto you. It is more likely that the “I’m sorry” relates more to them being sorry that they got caught out and that this more of an issue for them than actually being sorry for whatever it is they did. Any apology will be rushed and the conversation changed so that the incident is brushed under the carpet.
They will never tell the truth.
There are two different types of truth when it comes to a narcissist; telling the truth (which they seldom do) and their truth (which is their version of the truth). Narcissists need to convince themselves of certain things and can get easily offended when they get knocked off their pedestal which exists in their dream world (Stanley, 2020). They will proclaim that they are so loved, so important and so special, so when a piece of reality reminds them of the ‘real truth’, this can be quite devastating for them. They will always have their own version of events.
They will never forgive or make peace.
For the same reason the narcissist does not apologize, they also never forgive. Any kind of hurt is a cause for retaliation and revenge. The narcissist is always fighting for his survival as life is a battle zone in their eyes where everybody is potentially out to attack them. If someone apologises to them, narcissists see it as proof of their superiority. Genuine forgiveness is not part of the narcissist’s emotional lexicon, fundamentally because the narcissist cannot forgive themselves. Needless to say, they will never win the noble peace prize in relationships. They thrive on ‘constant, chronic chaos’ (Stanley, 2020).
They will not listen to you.
Ever feel like you are not being listened to when you are talking about your day or when you are in an argument? Chances are, you are probably right! Narcissists tend to prefer the sound of their own voices so they don’t hear and probably won’t want to hear you either. They know that this will make you agitated and eventually, and inevitably, wear you down! Be mindful of circular conversations that you have with them as this will indicate that they have not listened to previous conversations with you.
They will not take responsibility.
Ever heard ‘It’s not my fault’, ‘You made me do this’ and ‘I would never do that’ ? Narcissists are particularly sensitive to shame and blame and their identities are built against fundamental feelings of invalidation. Accepting responsibility of any kind, triggers the narcissists threat of exposure to criticism (Hall, 2018). Narcissists prefer to play the victim and will instead project responsibilities onto others within their sphere of power, such as a partner or their children.
They will not seek help or professional support.
Have you ever worried about whether you’re a narcissist? Fret not! If you’re worried about this question, the answer is probably no. Self-reflection and introspection is something a narcissist wouldn’t do. Why? Well, it is possible that there is a little child hidden within them who is damaged and experiences feelings of inadequacy. This is where the narcissist overcompensates for them. They need this side of them in order to survive. For the narcissist, self-reflection is a dangerous territory to be avoided at all costs because it represents vulnerability. Seeking any kind of support suggests that they have a problem which is something they do not believe they have.
They don’t address the difficulties they have with emotional stability and manipulation.
There it no denying that they are clever, particularly at manipulating people and spotting their vulnerabilities. They tend to engage primarily in black-and-white thinking. They tend to either idealize or devalue others; this can lead to a pattern of codependency, especially within romantic relationships. They are not concerned with the emotional consequences of others due to impaired empathic traits. Emotionally healthy beings will experience emotions on a daily basis, whereas this is lost to the narcissist who are often trapped in their own lonely, self protective construction of reality.
They will not act selflessly.
Selflessness is the antithesis of narcissism; this is due to their lacking sense of empathy and inflated sense of entitlement. Narcissists by definition are locked in an inward spiral where they experience a grandiose sense of self putting themselves air the top of the emotional food chain. They will do things which from the outset look like they doing a good deed such as giving to charity, but they crave the admiration that is attached to doing that good deed. They want to be congratulated as this feeds their need for validation so won’t tend to do things which don’t offer them something in return.
They will not provide you with any sense of safety.
“Its me and you against the world.” – Famous last words! This is not how a narcissist operates. They need you scared and insecure at the prospect of losing them. They will also be using a lot of gaslighting to confuse you and make you question yourself. They will spark jealousy using triangulation (this means…..)
They may convince us that we cannot leave or that we cannot find anybody better. You won’t feel safe, and frankly, you’re not!
They will not let you go.
They will never stop thinking that they own you… until you’re replaced. In her YouTube video, Jessica Stanley (2020) used a powerful analogy to explain this:
Imagine that, to narcissist, we are a pair of shoes. They wear us when they want to, and when they don’t, we sit in the closet, waiting to be worn again. The narcissist will own many other types of shoes, and when we are worn, we get tossed out to make room for a brand new pair. A narcissist will not be done with you until you have served a purpose. It doesn’t matter if you feel like you are done with them.
The narcissist needs you as a planet circling their sun to feel good about themselves.
They will not change.
Change it possible for anybody, if they really want it. This is where it is difficult for the narcissist. Unless they are willing to accept there is a problem with their behaviour, they are never going to address it. Simple as that. It would take a miracle or major epiphany of near Biblical proportions, which, being realistic, is not likely. There has to be a genuine want to change. They get what they want without having to change, so why would they feel the need to change?
Thank you for taking the time to read this article. If you have been affected by any of the points discussed in this article and feel comfortable sharing, please leave a comment in the box below or confide in somebody you trust. It is also important to remember that narcissist traits can also be linked to personality disorders which may go undiagnosed for a long time, so if you feel like you identify with any of the points made in the article, seek support from a mental health professional.
If you have any feedback regarding the article, please feel free to comment below 🙂
Take care and watch this space for more articles!
Hall, J.L. (2017). 7 Things You’ll Never See a Narcissist Do. Psychcentral.com. https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-things-youll-never-see-a-narcissist-do/
Stanley, J. (2020). Things A Narcissist Will NEVER Do [YouTube Video]. In YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBiKY6FxYT0
Streep, L. (2017). 9 Things A Narcissist Will Never Do. Psych Central.com. https://blogs.psychcentral.com/knotted/2017/05/9-things-a-narcissist-will-never-do/