5 Signs you have NO REAL friends

Humans by nature are social creatures, we thrive by interacting with people in our daily lives. We greet our neighbors good morning, speak to the barista at our local coffee shop, welcome a colleague at work, and chat with friends and family.

Every individual has a specific social circle that consists of many friends. But how do you really know if your friend is the real deal or if they are toxic?

It’s important to determine whether your friends are fake or not because a fake friend only brings more trouble. Therefore, in this article, I will list 5 signs that your friends are not real.

Number 1, They are not genuinely happy about your success.

You have finally landed your dream job at a good company; it calls for a celebration, doesn’t it?  You excitedly text your friends and round them up for an impromptu dinner, eager to share your happiness with them. You are greeted by lots of “congratulations!” and you start chatting away; however, you notice that the smile on one of your friend’s faces doesn’t quite reach their eyes. They will act friendly on the outside, but they are more likely jealous of your accomplishment deep inside. They will most likely excuse themselves early on and drop contact with you for a while.

Real friends stick with you through thick and thin; they are happy when you are happy and sad when you are sad.

Number 2, They contact you only when they need something from you.

Has it been a while since you last contacted your friend and then suddenly you receive a call that goes like this:

“Hey, Jasmine, how are you?”

“Hi, I’m well, what about you?”

“I’m good, it’s just that … I have been really busy with my essay, and I haven’t gotten time to complete it yet, can you read it for me and tell me what I can do to improve it?”

There is no doubt that between friends these requests are simple, and you will be glad to be of help. However, if you remember the other person has coincidentally been missing to an important event you had or they refused to help you because of a crafty excuse, yeah, it’s most likely that they are just using you and they are not your real friend.

Number 3, They will not have your back.

We have all been in a situation where the teacher mistakes us for causing trouble in class, real friends will jump to your side, arguing that it wasn’t you and presenting facts of your innocence. But a fake friend will look away when you glance their way for a plea for help. They will shrug and say, “ I don’t want to get in trouble with the teacher as well.”

Real friends have your back, they rather you are scolded together than leave you alone to fend for yourself. As Martin Luther King. Jr said: “ In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.”

Number 4, They put the blame on you.

Have you ever been crying to your friend, and they respond with “aren’t you too sentimental?” It’s not only shocking but heart-breaking times two. You consider that friend trusted, and you were confining them with your troubles but there is a lack of empathy from the other side. It just adds up to your misery and makes you realize how fake your friendship is.  

Real friends will take the time to understand what you are going through and will offer words of comfort. Even if you were the one in the wrong, they will point it out gently and provide solutions to set things better, assuring you all the while that mistakes happen, and things are going to be okay.

Number 5, They lie to you.

Lying is never tolerated, whether among friends, colleagues, or family. A relationship built on lies is like a house built on a cliff. Any minor trouble will threaten the foundation of that relationship. If you have friends whom you caught lying to you about a subject, even minor details like how they spent their weekend, then they are likely to be fake friends. If your friend does not share with you truthful aspects of their life, then that means that they do not want you to know them.

A study published in 2020 by Evans, Willoughby, and Dykstra, revealed that increasing lies told over time leads to poor friendship quality.

In conclusion, a true friend should possess qualities of honesty, truth, empathy, and sincerity.  A true friend will be akin to a family member, they will be the ground onto which you stand, the blanket you need during tough times, and the source of happiness in your day.

If your friend is not genuinely happy about your success, contacts you only when they need something from you, will not have your back in an argument, puts the blame on you, and lies to you, then they are most likely toxic friends.

References:

Dykstra, V. W., Willoughby, T., & Evans, A. D. (2020). Lying to friends: Examining lie-telling, friendship quality, and depressive symptoms over time during late childhood and adolescence. Journal of adolescence, 84, 123–135. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2020.08.003

Winter, C. (2022, March 28). If you spot these 14 signs in your friend, they are a fake friend. A Conscious Rethink. Retrieved July 6, 2022, from https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/6197/signs-fake-friends/

Emma. (2021, February 25). 9 signs of fake friends: How to tell if you should cut them off. Our Mindful Life. Retrieved July 6, 2022, from https://www.ourmindfullife.com/fake-friends-signs/