5 Signs Your Crush Doesn’t Want a Relationship

The Greeks had different names for each kind of love. Storge refers to the love shared between family members. Philia describes a platonic love shared between friends. The Greeks used agape to describe a divine selfless kind of love and used eros to describe romantic love– the love each of us hopes to receive.  

Some of us are fortunate to give and receive love. But, love renders us all fools. Sometimes, we are too blind to see that the other person does not like us in the same way we do them.

The person may be blunt and tell you directly, which in that case it is a small mercy. So, if a person explicitly tells you they are not interested, do not pursue them. Do not misconstrue their feelings and take it as an invitation to seduce or win them over through harassment. Forcing your feelings on someone else is not sexy or romantic. It is rude. 

However, sometimes, it may be difficult to gauge whether the love you give is unrequited. Hence, here are a few signs that they are not interested in a relationship. 

  • Your crush does not make an effort.

Establishing a relationship means that both parties need to invest effort. You need to communicate, figure out each other’s interests and hobbies, and remember small details about each other. 

In the early stages, a romantic relationship may begin as a friendship. However, the relationship changes when both people pay more attention to the small things about each other. Interest in each other starts with simple questions such as “will they like this?” This question unravels a slew of questions, which all point to one fact– you want to know more about them because you have developed feelings. 

Keen attention to small and insignificant details means that you care about someone’s well-being, comfort, and opinion. If your crush does not make an effort to know more or engage in opportunities that can reveal more about who you are, then they are not interested. 

  • They talk about their love life. 

This sign is difficult to gauge because it all depends on the tone. If you are interested in someone, you probably will not divulge your love life to them. However, there are rare cases where someone clumsily talks about their love life to someone they are interested in.  

However, if your crush approaches you with a desire to treat you as a wingman or wingwoman, there is a slim chance that they are interested in you romantically. 

  • They keep you at arm’s length.

When people fall in love, they tend to reveal secrets that they don’t tell others. They seek to establish emotional intimacy and welcome the other person into their inner world. However, someone who is not interested will not do that. 

They may tell you things, but they do not welcome you into their private emotional life. 

  • They flake out on plans.

Another sign that someone is not interested in a romantic relationship is flaking out on plans. While, this point specifically states flaking out, and flaking out implies not attending, I will extend the definition and say that flaking out involves more than being absent. Flaking out refers to lacking commitment. 

When someone is in love, or at least interested, they will try to spend as much time as they can near the person they like. Hence, if your crush abruptly cancels plans, consistently shows up late, and actively avoids plans making with you, then it is safe to say that they are not interested. 

  • They flirt with other people. 

This is an obvious sign that they are not interested. Some people may think that the other person is playing hard to get. And, that may be the case.  

People play hard to get to see if others are interested. But, why would you chase after someone who lures you in to play around with your feelings if it is obvious you are interested. If your crush is constantly elusive, then maybe they are not that interested in you. 

Figuring out whether someone is interested in you is difficult. People resort to lies and omissions to build intrigue and appear more interesting, so it is difficult to figure out a person’s true intentions. However, if someone has the decency to explicitly tell you they are not interested, thank you. They don’t want to waste your time. If you are in an early phase of a relationship and are not sure if the other person is interested, observe. Eventually, things will become clear. 


Meanley, E. (2009, December 15). 6 signs your crush is not ready for a relationship. Glamour. Retrieved December 20, 2021, from https://www.glamour.com/story/6-signs-your-crush-is-not-read 

Mitrokostas, S. (2018, October 22). 10 subtle signs your crush just wants to be friends. Insider. Retrieved December 20, 2021, from https://www.insider.com/does-my-crush-think-of-me-as-just-a-friend-2018-10 

Nicholson, J. (2016, June 29). How (and why) to play hard to get | psychology Today. Psychology Today. Retrieved December 20, 2021, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201606/how-and-why-play-hard-get 

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