Best-selling author Susan Cain once wrote, “In a culture that praises the “Extrovert Ideal,” introverts are dramatically undervalued — and because of this, society is losing out.” That quote can be found in her hit novel, “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.”
And as the title states, it can be a struggle for introverts to stay true to their quieter and more reserved nature when surrounded by people who just don’t seem to get it. But there’s power and beauty to be found in being an introvert, too; a mystery that only unfolds to a few. As author and comedian Micahela Chung once said, “Don’t underestimate me because I’m quiet. I know more than I say, think more than I speak and observe more than you know.”
With that said, here are 5 things that make introverts incredibly attractive:
1. They are hard to get.
While plenty of people will give you dating advice saying that playing hard to get will make you more attractive, for introverts, it’s not an act. They really are hard to get. That’s why it’s so rewarding when you finally do win one over and get them to open up to you, because it’s not something that they do for just anyone. A 2018 article from Time Magazine written by journalist Carly Breit states that introverts are attractive because they make you work for their attention, but once you succeed, you will find that it often leads to lasting loyalty, deep friendship, and a loving romantic relationship.
2. They have impeccable composure.
Psychologists define introversion and extraversion as a personality preference, as Heide Eve-Cahoon wrote in her research article, “Understanding the Introvert Preference.” And because introverts prefer their inner world to their external one, they often process things internally. They keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves and only share it with others when they’re ready. This means that while others might immediately have an emotional outburst, introverts do a good job of maintaining their composure. They seem more calm and thoughtful than most because they rarely ever lose their cool, which only serves to make them more attractive.
3. They are intellectually stimulating.
Again, because introverts prefer interacting with their inner world more than their external one, this makes them great at deep, intellectual conversations. Incredibly creative and self-reflective, they are often fascinated by a lot of things and want to learn about their interests deeply. In fact, one study by researchers Batey and Furnham found that introverted art students excelled more than their extraverted classmates because they spent more time on their own, mastering their craft. And the same can be said for many common introverted hobbies like reading, writing, music, and film. So you’d be hard-pressed to find someone more interesting to talk to — once they get used to you, of course!
4. They are self-sufficient.
In an article written by behavioral health expert Dr. Natalie Frank, another quality that makes introverts uniquely attractive to many is their strong sense of autonomy and self-sufficiency. Their desire for privacy makes them more independent, which in turn makes them better able to take care of and make decisions for themselves. And there are fewer things more admirable than someone who knows who they are and what they want. They don’t need to look to anyone else to decide that for them or tell them what to do to get it done; they can handle a lot of things just on their own.
5. People’s validation isn’t one of their priorities.
Last but certainly not the least, there’s something to be said about an introvert’s lesser need for social validation. Because according to Dr. Natalie Frank, it’s this desire for personal validation over social validation that makes them more authentic than most. Introverts choose to be guided by their morals, passions, and goals rather than the opinions and expectations of others. And sure, some people might judge them for it, saying they’re “weird” or “hard to get along with” just because they don’t try to fit in as much as everyone else. But to an introvert, that doesn’t matter more than being who they really are.
So, do you agree with the things we’ve mentioned here? Are you an introvert wondering about what traits of yours make you more attractive? Or maybe just an extravert appreciating the other type? Either way, it’s important that we celebrate and appreciate ourselves and others, no matter our differences. With that said, what are some traits you think make introverts more attractive? Let us know in the comments below and thanks for watching!
- Cain, S. (2013). Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking. Broadway Books.
- Breit, C. (2018). “The Surprising Benefits of Being an Introvert.” Time Magazine. Retrieved from https://time.com/5373403/surprising-benefits-introvert/
- Eve-Cahoon, H. (2003). Understanding the introvert preference. Journal of Nursing Education, 42(5), 191-193.
- Batey, M. & Furnham, A. (2006). Creativity, Intelligence, and Personality: A Critical Review of the Scattered Literature. Genetic, Social, and General Psychology Monographs, 132(4), 355–429. doi:10.3200/MONO.132.4.355-430
- Frank, N. (2020). “What Makes Introverts So Attractive?” Medium. Retrieved from https://medium.com/mental-gecko/what-makes-introverts-so-attractive-705c5ff22967