Having a crush can be exciting and overwhelming. Some crushes fail, while others succeed. Unfortunately, the stories that we hear the most are about crushes failing in the worst ways.
So we get scared when we get a crush, without knowing that most of these crushes fail due to insecurities and unseized opportunities. It is truly the fears of rejection, getting hurt, or even acceptance that holds us back from pursuing these potential relationships. What these insecurities do instead, is to shut us down and hurt the other person.
But, how do you know if your insecurities are creating these hurtful scenarios? It can be difficult to realize, especially if you’re in the moment, and for that reason, we have compiled a list of ways that you may be creating distance between you and your crush.
This article is for information and educational purposes only. It is not meant to diagnose or treat anything. If you need advice or help please contact a mental health or relationship professional near you.
Keep reading to see the 5 ways your insecurities are pushing your crush away.
1- Ignoring them
Ignoring or giving silent treatment is something that many people use when they feel threatened, they want to teach the other person a lesson, or they don’t want to hurt another person’s feelings. Zaytun Ahmed, a member of the Quora platform, said that she had ignored some of her crushes in the past due to her inability to realize and deal with her feelings.
“I saw any chance of liking someone as a threat and that I would immediately be hurt”, Ahmed said in a post, “So I would go out of my way to not talk to, to ignore, and avoid one crush. I went as far as to go another way to class because I would always bump into them”.
Ahmed continued, “Sometimes I avoided their calls or texts because I felt hopeless and anxiety-ridden. I felt like I could never open up to or be genuine to them”.
At the time, it may seem that ignoring someone may be the best option but it creates more harm than good. According to LovePanky, a love and relationship education website, ignoring someone can lead to bigger issues in the future for the person who was ignored.
“Slowly backing out or flat out ignoring someone will not make them less hurt about you ending things”, says the article on LovePanky, “In fact, it is a type of abuse and can be a lot more harmful to their psyche than you can even imagine”.
For the ignored, not giving them a straight answer and leaving them in the air can lead to emotional and mental distress. An example of a future issue created by ignoring is that your crush will have trouble trusting or getting close to others later on.
“Without that [closure or reason], they can wander nonstop and get down on themselves because they don’t know what they did wrong”, the article continues.
The only way to fix this problem is to gather your courage and tell them what you feel directly. It is scary, but talking to them about how you feel and/or what your thoughts are is much better than ignoring someone.
2- Insulting them
If you have never ignored a crush, maybe you have insulted them? Insulting can be a form of deflection to protect yourself or the other person. It can also be a way to put distance between you two by making yourself seem bad. No matter the reason though, insulting your crush will not achieve whatever it is that you want to achieve.
It will most likely have the exact opposite effect from making that other person not talk with you anymore to deeply scarring them emotionally and mentally. Maybe insulting someone you like is what you have seen others around you do and you think it’s what you’re supposed to do. But the excuse that it’s always been done this way does not make it right.
By engaging in insults you are most likely perpetuating patterns of abuse that continue to hurt other people, including yourself.
If you want to fix this, learn how to not insult someone when you feel under duress or you think it might be a joke. Remember that people have different ways of thinking and different perspectives so they may not think the way you do or get humor the way you do. Treat your crush with kindness and respect, and communicate to develop strong bonds.
3- Deflecting their advances
Maybe you don’t know how to act around your crush, are scared, or nervous so you deflect their advances to get closer to you. Unfortunately, they may feel hurt by this. Depending on the way that you usually deflect situations or advances the other person can be made to feel belittled, and as you are not taking them seriously, says an article on MCMNT an African news website.
MCMNT also suggests that in the process, you may come off as condescending or an unkind person. So, instead of deflecting try to acknowledge their feelings, give your perspective, and make clear what your intentions or feelings are.
4- Avoiding them
Do you avoid your crushes? Sometimes, when we feel overwhelmed by our crush we tend to avoid them. Maybe you don’t know how they feel about you and that creates anxiety. You may know how they feel about you and you like them back, but it is still stressful. Maybe you need your space to process some things or you are upset with them. Or you could be playing hard to get.
The problem is that your crush can’t read your mind. You may think that by acting this way you are sending a certain message, but in reality, you are leaving them to wonder what is going on. In turn, they can get confused, hurt, or upset with you because you weren’t forthcoming.
Stop avoiding your crush and have a conversation with them. You owe it to them and to yourself to explore this. This way you can test whether or not this relationship can develop into something more and it will help lower your stress or anxiety.
5- Teasing too much
Do you like to tease people especially those you like? Teasing can play a plethora of positive roles when in relationships. According to an article in Cosmopolitan, teasing can help relieve tension, soften the blow if you get rejected, prove that you’re comfortable with your crush, move the relationship to a non-physical aspect, and help you see if your crush has a sense of humor among others.
This is all well and good until it isn’t. Too much teasing can become annoying to your crush and overdoing it will turn into bullying. You may risk saying or doing something that offends the person or breaches their boundaries and gets them hurt. Maybe you end up drawing attention to their insecurity without meaning to.
If you’re the type to hide behind your jokes or teasing, then it can make it difficult for the other person to figure you out. That doesn’t mean you should stop teasing if that’s what works for you but try to be more mindful and aware of the other person before cracking a certain joke or pointing out something on them or about them.
Before getting into any relationship, experts always advise that you work on yourself and your insecurities so that you don’t project or reflect them onto your partner at any stage of the relationship. Of course, working on yourself means that you are aware of yourself, and sometimes it’s hard to become aware of your patterns.
For this reason, take is slow. Try observing and becoming more aware of your surroundings, ask questions, and communicate to get to know your crush better. Communicating leads to spending time with them, spending time with them will create the bonds of intimacy that you’re probably craving already. And even if it doesn’t work out, it’s ok which means that there is someone more suited to you in the future.
Do you agree with the list above? Let us know in the comments if you have done any of this or have experienced it due to another person’s actions. Don’t forget to check out our YouTube channel for more about relationships and psychology.
Ahmed, Z. (2017, April 2). Inability to Realize Feelings [Comment on the article “Have you ever treated your crush poorly by ignoring him or her, pushing him or her away, or even insulting him or her? Why?”]. Quora. https://www.quora.com/Have-you-ever-treated-your-crush-poorly-by-ignoring-him-or-her-pushing-him-or-her-away-or-even-insulting-him-or-her-Why
Herrin, T. (2021, March 23). How To Get Rid Of A Crush And Stop Obsessing – Learn To Navigate How To Get Over A Crush| BetterHelp. BetterHelp. https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/how-to-get-rid-of-a-crush-and-stop-obsessing/
LovePanky, T. (2022, January 3). How to Stop Being Codependent: 17 Steps to Finding Yourself Again. LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships. https://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch/better-love/how-to-stop-being-codependent
McArthur, A. (2018, June 27). 9 Reasons Your Crush Might Be Avoiding You. Sweety High. https://www.sweetyhigh.com/read/reasons-crush-avoids-you-062718
Pugachevsky, J. (2018, June 27). Why Can’t I Stop Teasing My Crush? Cosmopolitan. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a21238909/teasing-crush/
S. (2021, June 22). 9 ways to deal with an unwanted crush. MCMNT. https://mcmnt.com/9-ways-to-deal-with-an-unwanted-crush/