6 Most Effective Ways To Attract Anyone You Want

Have you ever been afraid of romantic rejection? Or worried you weren’t attractive enough for someone? No matter what you may look like, how confident and popular you may be, we’ve all been there. And we can all certainly agree that if there was a foolproof way to attract anyone we wanted, our romantic lives would be a lot easier.

Attracting someone is a complex and subjective process that depends on a lot of factors, like personal compatibility, communication skills, and mutual interests. And while there is no guaranteed method to attract anyone, there are certain strategies that can increase your chances and have proven to be quite effective, according to experts. 

With that said, here are 5 of the most effective, psychology-backed ways to attract anyone you want:

1. Confidence

While this probably isn’t the first time you’re hearing this, confidence really is key to making yourself more attractive. According to Dr. Helen Fisher, relationship expert and psychologist, self-confidence makes you more desirable because it makes you seem more assertive, self-assured, and charismatic.  So work on building your self-esteem by doing things that boost your confidence, like showcasing your talents, developing your personal style, taking care of your appearance, or surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. 

2. Authenticity

Trying to be someone you’re not can lead to disappointment later on, says psychologist Dr. Lawrence Josephs, so it’s always best to just be yourself and let your true personality shine if you want to attract people. Pursuing your hobbies and interests enthusiastically, for example, will naturally make people gravitate towards your passion and excitement. Similarly, embracing all the things that make you unique instead of seeing them as flaws or trying to hide them will make you seem braver, more genuine, and more likeable.

3. A sense of humor

Did you know that in a 2020 study by researchers Menelaos Apostolou and Christoforos Christoforou, good looks was only ranked the 8th most important characteristic in successful flirting and attraction? Pretty high up on that list in 2nd place, however, was having a good sense of humor. Why? Because it shows off not only your fun and playful attitude, but also your intelligence and wit. It also helps build connections with others by making them feel more comfortable around you. 

4. Good communication skills

According to Dr. Josephs, having good communication skills makes you more attractive for many different reasons. First, it makes you a better conversationalist and makes people want to talk to you more. Second, it makes you seem more open, approachable, and most importantly, more mature. Why? Because when you’re good at communicating your feelings and intentions with someone, it makes you an ideal partner to pursue a romantic relationship with. They’d never have to play childish mind games with you or feel insecure second guessing your feelings for them.

5. Kindness and empathy

Going back to the research we cited earlier by Apostolou and Christoforou, another high-ranking and widely successful strategy to flirting and attraction was found to be kindness and empathy. Taking a gentler approach, the researchers explained, showed that you were respectful, mature, and well-mannered. So don’t listen to the misguided advice that you should act rude and standoffish (also called negging) to make someone like you more. Instead, treat others with politeness and compassion, as these qualities can be very appealing and never fail to make a good impression on someone.

6. Being your own person

Finally but perhaps most importantly, if you want to attract anyone you want, be your own person. Know who you are and continuously strive to grow and improve. Set goals for yourself, work on your personal development, and have other important relationships in your life. According to Dr. Josephs, this strategy can make you more appealing to others because you don’t come off as desperate, pushy, or overwhelming, but rather, well-rounded, intelligent, and attractive. So give the other person time and space to reciprocate, but don’t just wait around for them either. Expand your knowledge, learn new skills, and live your life being your own independent person. 

Outro:

So, what are your thoughts on this video? Do you agree with any of the tips and tricks we’ve talked about here? Remember, the key is to focus on building a genuine connection rather than manipulating or trying to force attraction. It’s essential to respect the other person’s feelings and choices throughout the process.

What’s a way to attract anyone you want that you’ve found to be effective? Let us know in the comments down below! ‘Til next time, Psych2Goers!

References:

• Apostolou, M., & Christoforou, C. (2020). The art of flirting: What are the traits that make it effective? Personality and Individual Differences, 158, 109866.
• Ben-Zeév, A. (2021, Mar 23). What Makes a Good Flirt? Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-the-name-love/202103/what-makes-good-flirt
• Josephs, L. (2020, Oct 3). How to Make Yourself More Attractive. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-the-sheets/202010/how-make-yourself-more-attractive
• Wu, K. (2017, Feb 14). Love, Actually: The science behind lust, attraction, and companionship. Harvard University. https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2017/love-actually-science-behind-lust-attraction-companionship/