6 Reasons Why Highly Intelligent People Struggle With LOVE

The aloof intelligent person who unwittingly captivates the hearts of people around them is a popular trope in romantic comedies. Films and series show them as fools blundering their way through love– helplessly trying to rationalize their feelings while falling in love. It’s such a common trope that these characters are called tsundere. 

At times, these characters seem to avoid relationships all together. It is almost as if their intelligence makes them less human. I’m against these tropes. Intelligence does not make a person less romantic. It can, however, make you less susceptible to overly saccharine manipulations of romanticism. 

Perhaps, that is why it may be difficult for an intelligent person to fall in love. Generally, intelligent people do not fall into anything. They slowly walk into it. 

Below are a few reasons why it may be difficult for intelligent individuals to fall in love. 

  • They overthink.

A trait that most intelligent individuals possess is being analytical. Many of them love analyzing details and comparing information before making a decision. While this trait is fantastic when applied to data, it’s not great when it comes to love. 

It can take some time for a highly analytical person to choose you as their love interest because, chances are, they are assessing every detail before jumping into the relationship. For some, it can be exasperating. You might feel that they are not interested in you. It’s the opposite. It means that they respect your time and want to ensure the success of the relationship. An intelligent person wouldn’t jump into a relationship they do not think will work.  

  • They love their independence.

Most independent people enjoy independence. It is a source of strength for them. However, this trait can make it difficult for intelligent people to fall in love. 

Since they are incredibly independent, they see a partner not as someone who “completes” them but rather as a person to share moments with. They feel secure in who they are. 

  • They prioritize their goals. 

Many intelligent people prioritize their goals in life, so it may take them some time to reach that stage in life where they feel ready for a relationship. 

At times, their ambitious goals may be the thing that keeps them out of relationships, especially if they have an unsupportive partner. 

  • They have high standards.

Intelligent individuals, not all, are demanding. They are more demanding on themselves than on others, but this trait can sometimes apply to their relationships. 

This trait can reflect itself in the high standards they have for a prospective or current partner. An intelligent person’s perspective towards a relationship is that they would rather grow old alone than settle. 

  • They think with their heads.

Colloquially, there are three centers from where we make choices: heart, head, and guts. An intelligent person always uses their head. They logically work through their options before making a move. 

When you are in love, your heart and your gut are usually guiding you. This is a pretty obvious trait for intelligent individuals; however, it can sometimes make it difficult for them to fall in love. To fall in love, you need to allow yourself to be romantic– to believe in the impossible and magic. This might be difficult for someone who sees things logically. 

  • They are single by choice. 

The last reason why an intelligent person may be single is that they want to. They relish the freedom that comes with singledom. 

Not everyone ends up in a relationship. For some, developing a relationship with themselves is the greatest love they will experience. 


Caerlang, A. (2020, November 27). 10 reasons why intelligent people have a rough time finding love. Thought Catalog. Retrieved April 16, 2022, from https://thoughtcatalog.com/angelo-caerlang/2017/06/10-reasons-why-intelligent-people-have-a-rough-time-finding-love/ 

Krauss Whitbourne, S. (2017, May 30). The compelling link between love and Intelligence. Psychology Today. Retrieved April 16, 2022, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201705/the-compelling-link-between-love-and-intelligence 

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