Hello Psych2Goers, and welcome back to another article. Have you felt as though you had some… serious thoughts or questions about your relationship? Maybe it feels like things aren’t lining up the right way, or almost as though you’re trying to force yourself to feel happier than you really are. Do you begin questioning what your relationship is really about, or feel a sense of unease or anxiety about your decisions you’ve made in your relationship? While some of these signs can just be growing pains, they can also be your brain or heart telling you that’s something wrong, and that maybe it’s time to stop and reflect.
With such a heavy topic, we here at Psych2Go want to make it 100% clear…
This article is for educational purposes and is based on personal opinions. This article is not a substitute for professional advice, but general guidance. We advise you to always listen to your intuition and always do what is right for you.
With that being said, Here are 6 signs it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.
1. You feel like you spend more time trying to enjoy yourself than you actually are
A harsh first indicator of a relationship that may need reevaluation is one where you feel the good times are far and few between, and come as a result of lots of arguing or disagreement. While occasional spats or disagreements can be normal and healthy within most relationships, if you find yourself feeling like you’re battling for just a few good moments amidst a bunch of bad ones, there may be some cause for alarm.
Having discourse in a relationship is to be expected, and in some regard by experts, even normal for revealing problems that you and your partner may have in your relationship. Being forgiving, understanding, and receptive to your loved one’s feelings and rooting out problems in your relationship is the most important takeaway from arguments (Chapman, 2009). If it’s common for you and your partner to be trying to enjoy your time, but old arguments keep resurfacing again and again with no resolution, it can come across as them constantly “ruining the moment” of peace the two of you may be settled in. This may be time to reevaluate your relationship if conversation and problem solving just… doesn’t seem to be working.
2. You aren’t attracted to them anymore
Yikes… this may be one of the hardest things to admit to someone that you truly feel for, or that you’re in a relationship in. While most people may initially think that finding someone attractive means admiring the way you look, there’s more to being attracted to someone than finding them handsome or beautiful. Admiring the small quirks they have, the silly mistakes they make, their talents, strengths, and the way they make that funny little joke or gag that you love so much… all of these things can be a part of why you’re attracted to someone, almost if by magic
But overtime, or after some of the bright flames of passion burn away, sometimes there are only small little embers of what we once thought we had. We can sometimes think that because we loved someone or were attracted to them once, that we will always see them that way (Borrenson, 2021). Struggling to find ways to be attracted to your partner, or finding yourself slowly repulsed away from them may be sign that it’s time to reevaluate.
3. Your relationship makes you feel bad about yourself
Be wary Psych2Goers, your feelings in a relationship matter just as much as the partner that you’re with. When we truly love someone, it can be so easy to give them the spotlight. Delivering them affection, gifts, attention, showering them with love… all of these things are very thoughtful and wonderful things to do for someone you love so truly. However, being too selfless in a relationship may bring you to notice that you’re neglecting yourself, or who you are. In some cases, you may notice that the closer you get to your partner, the more you dislike yourself, or become distrustful of who you are.
You may notice that your partner has been taking opportunities to make things all about themselves, or to forcibly steal your thunder or self esteem away to boost theirs. This type of behavior can leave one partner with all the power, and the other feeling as though they’re just along for the ride. Signs of feeling insecure, smaller than your partner, fearful, or even constantly doubting or upset about yourself is a sign that you may just need to reevaluate your relationship (Signs of a controlling relationship 2020).
4. You feel like your boundaries aren’t respected
Respecting and learning your partners’ boundaries is an incredibly important part of both long and short term relationships. Maybe you’ve had a conversation with someone you loved about you needing some space, some alone time, just a small little breather. Or maybe you feel as though your partner has been cold and distant, not willing to close the gap so you can hug them close in your arms. Both of these feelings are normal among couples, and simply depends on what kind of personality you have, and that your partner has, as these sorts of situations will be different for everyone depending on who you are (Can you be too close to your partner?).
Have you spoke about it with them? Ever tried to confront the issues to organize super close cuddly time, or the romantic equivalent of social distancing? If you feel like you or your partner just cannot respect or understand these sorts of boundaries, creating rifts or problems between the two of you, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship.
5. You just wish you could change so many things about them
“Of course I love my partner! I just wish there were like this… and that they wouldn’t do this thing, and that thing, and maybe if they changed these five other things…” Whoa, hold on a moment…!
While sometimes we can get frustrated with our partners from time to time of the bad habits they might have, or about some of the things that you just can’t understand about them, wishing that they would change so many things about themselves can lead to a slippery slope. Appreciating someone for their personality, who they are, and their shortcomings and wanting them to improve for their own happiness is a fantastic basis for a loving, happy, and healthy relationship.
But when you start wishing that you could change so many things about them instead of offering to help them work on their shortcomings for their sake, and helping support their goals and aspirations, you may just be trying to fit them into a mold of something that you want for them, not the true person that your partner wishes to become (Avanasa, 2020). It may be time to reevaluate your relationship with the type of person that you’re looking for.
6. You aren’t in love with them anymore
If reading this last piece made you feel a little sick to your stomach, then… that’s completely understandable. Loving someone and being in love with someone can be two completely different things. Maybe you love someone in the way that you want the best for them, you want them to be happy and successful, and you would never want to hurt them. But we aren’t always in love with the people that we love.
There can be a part of ourselves that we feel we can’t give to someone we love, because we just aren’t truly in love with them. If you feel this way, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship, and what love means to you.
Although the previous items on this list may lead you to believe that “Reevaluating” may be another term for “breaking up” with your partner, this isn’t always what it means. Taking time to reevaluate a relationship may be a sign that something needs to change, or that you and your partner may need to sit down and change how you look at your relationship, and at each other. Here at Psych2Go, we want to provide you with all the support that we possibly can for these sorts of difficult and tough conversations and decisions.
Did you find any of these signs helpful? Did it help you reevaluate the way you think about a relationship, or maybe one that you’re in right now? We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments, Psych2Goers. As always, thank you so much for tuning in to our content and our mission to make psychology free and accesible to everyone, all around the world!
Avanasa, C. (2020). 7 Signs of an Incompatible Relationship. YouTube. Psych2Go. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/qadSvKa2eHY.
Borresen, K. (2021, April 12). What to do if you’re no longer feeling attracted to your partner. Huffington Post. Retrieved from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/not-attracted-to-partner-advice_l_5d716d09e4b0fd4168e7a673
Can you be too close to your partner? Relate. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/arguing-and-conflict/can-you-be-too-close-your-partner
Chapman, G. D. (2009). Everybody wins: The Chapman Guide to solving conflicts without arguing. Jaico Pub. House.
Signs of a controlling relationship. Signs of a Controlling Relationship | Relationships Australia QLD. (2020, May 1). Retrieved from https://www.raq.org.au/blog/signs-controlling-relationship#:~:text=A%20controlling%20relationship%20is%20one,is%20a%20form%20of%20abuse.