6 signs of Obsessive Love

Healthy love feels like a breath of fresh air. It feels safe and comfortable. You feel like you can talk about anything and be your own self. But when this love is obsessive, it always feels like you are walking on eggshells. You never feel right about it. You feel like you are just one step away from making it worse. 

 Here are 6 signs of obsessive love:

1. Loving the idea of the person

A person who is obsessed with you would only focus on your positives. They would refuse to see your negative side. For them, you can do nothing wrong. You would be put up on a pedestal. And your behavior would be withheld to a higher standard. But when your love is healthy, your partner sees your imperfections and accepts both good and bad sides of you. 

2. Being possessive

In obsessive love, there is a clear lack of any boundary. They don’t respect your privacy or space. And are repeatedly texting you or calling you to know about your whereabouts. They always want to know who you are spending time with or talking to. They feel jealous if you spend time with someone other than them. But in healthy love, they understand that they don’t possess you. They don’t feel insecure when you spend time with someone else other than them.

3. Making sure they are your number one priority

When you are in a relationship, it is very normal to want to spend your time with your partner. But you also realize that you both have other things to do and people in your life that you also want to spend time with. But when someone is obsessed with you, they make sure that they are the only priority in your life. You feel suffocated. You feel like you never get any time for yourself or to work on your hobbies or be with your family or friends. 

4. Doing things for gaining your approval 

An obsessive partner would shower you with gifts and compliments to be in your good books. They will use love bombing in order to win your approval. And when they believe they have finally got you, all the compliments and gifts would stop. They would start acting distant and mean in order to have you in their control. It is one of the signs of a narcissistic partner. They want you to work for gaining their attention and affection. But in a healthy relationship, your partner would not withhold their attention and affection. They don’t play games with you to have you in their lives.

5. Not allowing you to change

Healthy love would allow you to evolve and grow as a person. A good partner will support you through your transition. They would celebrate your achievements. They want you to be the best version of yourself. They understand that your career is also important and that you are an independent person. But obsessive love would promote co-dependency. They would blame you for changing. They would argue with you if you do anything out of the ordinary. If you get a chance to pursue your dream job then instead of supporting you, they will make you feel guilty for changing everything. 

6. They want you around them all the time

A person who is obsessed with you will make sure you are with them all the time.  When they call you or meet you they feel excessively joyful to the point of feeling relieved that they are with you. They don’t care about your needs and would do anything to keep you in their lives. And if you want to walk away from the relationship they would do anything to not let you go. In most cases, it is done by controlling the finances of the person, by isolating them from their friends and family, and by making sure you are dependent upon them.

In order to have a healthy relationship, you need to focus on yourself too. You have to become an emotionally self-reliant person so you don’t depend on someone else for most of your needs. If you are self-reliant then you won’t feel the need to jump in toxic relationships to feel less lonely.

 References

1.  Bogerts,B. (2005). Delusional Jealousy and obsessive love – causes and forms. MMW Fortschritte der Medizin, 147 (6), 26, 28-9.

2., Strutzenberg, C.(2016). Love-Bombing: A Narcissistic Approach to Relationship Formation. Human Development, Family
Sciences and Rural Sociology Undergraduate , 1 , 1-41.

3. Vallerand, R.J. (2015). The Psychology of Passion: A Dualistic Model. Oxford University Press.

4. Edwards, R.D. Obsessive Love disorder: Behaviour, Symptoms and Treatment. Retrieved on 31 March 2020 from https://www.medicinenet.com/confusing_love_with_obsession/views.htm#