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Have you ever been in a relationship and thought that it’s good to be true? Have you ever wondered if your partner truly means it when they say they love you? These are normal things to wonder when you’re in a relationship, especially when you’re starting out in a brand-new one, but how do you know when those thoughts are your subconscious trying to tell you something is wrong? Let’s take a peek at 6 signs someone is faking their love for you.
Side note: This article is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional advice, just general guidance. We advise you to always listen to your intuition, consult a trusted mental health professional for advice, and always do what is right for you.
#1: They don’t talk about or plan a future with you.
When you’re in a relationship, you are with that person because this might be your person. This is someone you can see yourself committing to. When you find that person, you want them to be a part of everything, especially big events. When these types of plans are made, your partner is telling you they like having you around. When they start to make plans about the future that include you, they’re really showing their love for you. A partner that may be faking love may not plan to include you in events, plan future events, or even include you in their day to day. These actions show a clear boundary being made in the relationship to keep the two partners separate. This may be a sign that the love isn’t genuine.
#2: They can talk the talk, but they won’t ever walk the walk.
How do you know your partner loves you? I’m someone who believes in the age-old saying “Actions speak louder than words.” You don’t have to say you love me, just show me. The words are bonus points. In my relationship, my fiancé and I don’t really say the words “I love you” often. However, we do a lot for each other to let the other know we love them. Simple example: I’ve been learning how to bake bread, but we didn’t have a bread knife to slice loaves. The next time my fiancé went to the store, he came back with one, even though I didn’t ask him for one. Small, I know, but that made me feel loved and heard. Now, think about your partner. What was the last thing they did to SHOW you they cared? If all you can think about is a time they told you (or maybe even TEXTED you) a quick ily, this may be a sign that your partner is faking their love for you.
#3: You’re feeling a lot of negative feelings from the relationship.
When you’re in love and feeling loved by your partner, your brain is going crazy with dopamine. This is the neurotransmitter than assists in feeling pleasure. Because your brain is increasing the amount of dopamine created, you feel happier, more satisfied, and content in your relationships. However, when you are not receiving that true love from your partner, you may not feel in love and may not be on that Cloud 9 vibe. You may begin feeling insecure, unhappy, and like you’re walking on eggshells trying to do the “right thing” to get your partner to like you. Relationships should never feel this way, and you should never have to do things or be a certain way to earn a partner’s love, care, or affection.
If you’re noticing more negative feelings than positive ones around your relationship, please reach out to a trusted counselor or therapist to discuss these feelings more in depth.
#4: Your partner thinks “love” is an emotion.
Most of us grew up on Disney movies then graduated to rom coms, and this is where we got our ideas on love. It’s this magical thing that feels like a warm hug that never lets go. However, that’s not what love is at all. In a study done at the University of La Laguna in Tenerife, Spain, Enrique Burunat explained that “Love is a complex mental function, which has been found to interact with other mental functions, such as memory, attention, perception to taste, and reasoning; it even has been shown to affect health,” (2016). Love in entangled in every other function of our brains. When you’re in love, your whole body and brain knows it. If your partner thinks that love is an emotion and isn’t feeling anything, they may try the fake it ‘til you make it method. This may be a sign it’s time to talk to your partner about the relationship and how love is shown.
#5: They don’t make an effort.
Relationships are 100/100. (I don’t like saying they’re 50/50, because no relationship would ever last if both partners only gave 50% effort.) Each partner needs to put in effort to show that they care about the other person, but they also need to show effort that they are growing as a person independent of the relationship. If your partner doesn’t show any effort to try in the relationship nor any effort to better themselves or their situation, this could be a sign of them faking their love for you. This can also be a sign of their negative feelings towards themselves manifesting into self-sabotage.
#6: There’s either no PDA or all the PDA.
When you’re alone with your partner, what is your body language like? Are you guys all cuddles all the time, or are you always sitting on different sides of the room? What about when you’re in front of people? Chances are it’s all or nothing. No PDA alone, paired with no PDA in front of people usually points to there being little or no feeling in the relationship. Another common reaction to being around people is showing increased amount of PDA. This is to convince themselves and their audience that the love is actually there.
Another example of this would be how you’re treated alone versus how you’re treated in public. A partner who isn’t being totally genuine might be loving, caring, and attentive to you while you’re around people. However, once you’re alone, they may begin arguing with you, degrading you, or being rude in other ways.
Phew! We made it! That was a tough one to get through, but we did it. Did any of these points remind you of your partner? Do you relate to any of these points yourself? What are some things you like to do to show your partner they’re loved? Let us know if the comments below! And as always, keep your eye on Psi for more Psych2Go content. See ya next time!
Want more signs on spotting fake love? Check out our video 8 Signs of Fake Love.
The references and studies used in and to compose this article are referenced below.
Burunat, E. (2016). Love is not an emotion. Psychology, 07(14), 1883–1910. https://doi.org/10.4236/psych.2016.714173
Pace, R. (2021, July 7). 20 signs you’re in a “fake relationship”. Marriage Advice – Expert Marriage Tips & Advice. Retrieved April 18, 2022, from https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/fake-relationship/
PsychAlive. (2016, December 13). True love: What love is and what it is not. PsychAlive. Retrieved April 18, 2022, from https://www.psychalive.org/true-love/
Raypole, C., & Litner, J. (2020, October 28). 12 signs that show someone loves you. Healthline. Retrieved April 18, 2022, from https://www.healthline.com/health/relationships/when-someone-loves-you#effort
Sharma, D. (2021, December 11). 9 definite signs his love is not real 9 definite signs his love is not real. Bonobology.com. Retrieved April 18, 2022, from https://www.bonobology.com/signs-love-not-real/
Wick, G. (2018, March 22). 10 ways to determine it’s Not real love. MeetMindful. Retrieved April 18, 2022, from https://www.meetmindful.com/its-not-real-love/