It goes without saying that any relationship has its difficulties, especially relationships involving affairs of the heart. Relationships tend to go through stages; the first stage is often referred to as the ‘Honeymoon Stage’. During this time, people get to know each other, get comfortable being around each other and start to pick ups on each others’ habits. Some habits are endearing and make that person unique, however others can cause issues between people and cause the relationship to break down.
This article is designed for educational purposes only and is not implying that these are habits that determine whether you should or shouldn’t end your relationship. If you are recognise any of these habits in your relationship and feel like it is causing you distress, talk to somebody you trust to get some support.
Here are habits that can kill a relationship.
Constantly comparing to other people including exes.
People come in and out of your life; that’s just how it is. Some breakups can be painful and hard to get over, but make sure you are over your ex-partner before you enter a new relationship. Having a new person in your life means stepping out of the old and being open to the new. While your ex may have done things differently, reminding your partner about it doesn’t really help. Having three people in a relationship will not work and could lead to unrealistic expectations (VAV Healthy Relationships, n.d.) You should treat your partner as an individual and accept them for who they are. If your new partner feels like a constant disappointment, eventually they will stop trying which may mean that the continuation of the relationship to fall into question.
Allowing jealousy to take over.
The green eyed monster is not uncommon in relationships, however, doubting your partner may end up being on the onset of a larger problem: relationship insecurity. Research has shown that women who feel insecure in their relationships, may be at greater risk of health issues such as weakened immune system (Picardi et al., 2007). Social media sites can be ‘the snake in the garden of Eden’ when it comes to testing fidelity and challenging insecurity; and could be something which causes friction in relationships and eventually a break down of the relationship entirely.
Not being in the present moment.
Feel like your partner is distracted when you are spending quality time together? The fast pace of life, particularly when we have to balance home and work roles, can lead couples to get into the habits such as catching their meals on the go. If you’re not living with your partner, it may seem impossible to schedule a time to go out or cook a meal together. Yet, having that meal together may remedy some of the other bad habits, such as taking each other for granted or being too serious (Krauss-Whitbourne, 2015). To break this habit, commit to at least one shared meal per week if possible. During that meal, get rid of your phone, play some relaxing music, and just enjoy each other’s company. Having distractions and not immersing into that present moment could cause relationship drift.
Lying to your partner.
Ever heard the saying ‘A little white lie doesn’t harm anybody’? Or ‘What they don’t know can’t hurt them’? While it is understandable that not wanting to hurt somebody or acting in their best interest may involve a degree of censorship, little white lies can soon add up and ruin a relationship that should be built on honesty.
Timing discussions badly.
Ever had an argument which happened at the wrong place and time? Conversations about important issues such as relationship or financial issues, all have their time and place. Bringing up serious topics when someone’s stressed, at end of a stressful workday or in the presence of other people, can make partners’ feel undermined and embarrassed. If this becomes more frequent, this could lead to further unresolved arguments which is not the basis for a relationship to continue.
Taking your partner for granted.
Feel like your partner doesn’t say thank you for the things you do for them or that they don’t consider you in situations? This is a very easy habit to slide into if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time. Taking someone for granted also includes maybe not saying “thank you” as much as you should because you’ve come to expect favourable treatment. If you continue to not acknowledge each other, then this could have an impact on how you view the relationship and each other long term.
Commenting on how you look in a negative way.
It is possible that you may look different than you did when you first met; this can be for a number of factors including dieting, exercising (or lack of), pregnancies, medical conditions and even, just being comfortable around each other. Making comments about how each other look in a way which is offensive or mean, can have a serious impact on self-esteem. In turn will impact the relationship negatively. Two people do not need to make hurtful comments to each other. If you aren’t attracted to you each other in the way you once were, then perhaps it is time to call it a day and find somebody who will adore you just the way you are, regardless of your ‘flaws’.
Thank you for taking the time to read this article. I hope you have found it interesting and useful. If you have any feedback or if you have experienced any of these habits in your relationship, leave a comment in the box below. Look forward to writing my next article. Look after yourselves!
6 Awful Relationship Habits, and How You Can Break Them. (n.d.). Psychology Today. Retrieved October 22, 2020, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201510/6-awful-relationship-habits-and-how-you-can-break-them
10 bad habits that can kill your relationship. (n.d.). Femina.In. Retrieved October 22, 2020, from https://www.femina.in/relationships/love-sex/10-bad-habits-that-can-kill-your-relationship-101797-4.html
20 Bad Habits That Could Hurt Your Relationship. (2013, August 15). Greatist. https://greatist.com/happiness/20-bad-habits-could-hurt-your-relationship#5
Anger | Psychology Today UK. (2019). Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/anger
Krauss-Whitbourne.(2015).The Simplest Way for a Couple to Boost Intimacy. (n.d.). Psychology Today. Retrieved October 22, 2020, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201509/the-simplest-way-couple-boost-intimacy
Picardi, A., Battisti, F., Tarsitani, L., Baldassari, M., Copertaro, A., Mocchegiani, E., & Biondi, M. (2007). Attachment security and immunity in healthy women. Psychosomatic medicine, 69(1), 40–46. https://doi.org/10.1097/PSY.0b013e31802dd777
VAV Healthy Relationships. (n.d.). Www.Cmhc.Utexas.Edu. Retrieved October 22, 2020, from https://www.cmhc.utexas.edu/vav/vav_healthyrelationships.html#3