7 Signs of a Sexual Manipulator

Imagine this: You’re out on a date with someone you’ve been seeing for a while. Things have been going well, but tonight, you just aren’t feeling it, so you politely decline their advances. End of story, right?

Well, not always. Sometimes, what comes next is a subtle form of manipulation called sexual coercion. It’s when someone tries to pressure or deceive you into getting intimate with them, even if you don’t want to. But because they don’t use physical force, most people might experience this and not even realize the lasting emotional and psychological damage it could bring.

With that said, here are 7 warning signs of a sexual manipulator you need to watch out for:

Over-the-Top Gifts & Compliments

Sexual manipulators know just the right things to say to make you feel special and desired, but don’t be fooled — they always have an ulterior motive. They might take you to dinner at a fancy restaurant, send you flowers at work, or give you expensive gifts, all with the expectation that you’ll reward their generosity with sex. And while these things alone aren’t necessarily coercive, take a good look at what happens when you turn them down. Do they respect your boundaries? Or keep pressuring you with more gifts and compliments?

Non-Physical Threatening

Another red flag for a sexual manipulator is if they threaten you in non-physical ways, like implying repercussions if you resist their advances. For example, if you’re dating them and they threaten to dump you; or if they’re a co-worker threatening to ruin your reputation. These subtle threats create an atmosphere of fear and coercion, making it challenging for you to assert your autonomy and resist their manipulative tactics. To protect yourself, trust your instincts and assert your boundaries firmly. Seek support from trusted friends or authorities if you feel unsafe.

Guilt Tripping

Guilt is another common tactic of sexual manipulators. They excel at making you feel responsible for their emotions and actions, even when you’ve done nothing wrong. They might say things like, “I thought you loved me, I guess I was wrong” or “I’m so stressed, I need this!” to make you feel selfish or unreasonable for asserting your own needs and desires. But notice their responses only reflect what they want and not any concern for how you feel? You shouldn’t feel obligated to have sex with someone just because they guilt you into it.

Gaslighting

Sexual manipulators are adept at twisting the truth and making you question your sanity. For example, say you’re somewhere public and your partner gropes you or puts on too much PDA. When you confront them about it, they accuse you of overreacting and insisting that nothing happened. Or they might lie to trick you into having sex with them by saying things like, “You actually already consented earlier, you just don’t remember.”

Punishment When Rejected

When faced with rejection, sexual manipulators often resort to sulking and passive-aggressive behavior to punish you, making you feel bad so that you’ll change your mind or agree next time. They might give you the cold shoulder and sulk for the rest of the week; stop being affectionate with you; or even turn harsh, rude, and hurtful. And then you’ll probably start to question if you did something wrong or if you should have just gone along with it. See that? That’s sexual manipulation at work.

Manipulative Language

Have you ever heard lines like these before?

“We’ve gone on three dates! Don’t you think it’s time?”
“Don’t you trust me?”
“What are you waiting for? It’s just sex. You don’t have to treat it like such a big deal.”
“You sure you want to waste this opportunity? Someone who looks like you might not get many.”

Manipulative language like this is a glaring red flag for sexual manipulation. Some might even make false promises (e.g. lying that they love you) or prey on your insecurities to get you to have sex with them (e.g. insulting your sexual performance to get you to do it again).

Unequal Power Dynamics

Now, imagine if someone who had rank or authority over you came on to you. For example, if your boss touches you inappropriately, it would make you feel uncomfortable, right? Not only that, you might worry that you’d be jeopardizing your career if you outright objected or refused, right? Sexual manipulators thrive on unequal power dynamics like this, exploiting situations where speaking out feels risky. But your well-being matters and no one has the right to make you feel powerless.

If you find yourself in a situation where you feel manipulated or coerced, don’t hesitate to speak out. Recognizing these signs is the first step towards reclaiming your agency and setting healthy boundaries in your relationships.

So, does this video emotionally resonate with you? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Your voice matters, and you are not alone.

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