7 Signs Someone is TOO Into You (Limerence)

Ever found yourself in a situation where someone seemed to be more into you than you were into them? It can be flattering at first, but sometimes it can get a little intense, right? Well, psychology actually has a term for this, and it’s called “limerence.” 

Limerence is an intense, unhealthy infatuation that differs from genuine love because it’s focused more on idealization and obsession rather than mutual respect and understanding. When someone is experiencing limerence, they’re totally obsessed with the object of their affection. 

Now, being the object of someone’s affection can feel pretty good, but it’s important to recognize when things might be getting out of hand. Here are some signs that someone might be a little too into you or becoming limerent with you:

Constant Contact

Do they text you constantly, bombard you with messages, or call you non-stop? Sure, it’s nice to hear from someone you like, but if this person is blowing up your phone every five minutes, needing constant contact from you, it could very well be a sign they’re crossing the line from interested to obsessed. 

Physical Clinginess

While physical affection is a normal part of any relationship, someone who is limerent might take it to the extreme. They might insist on physical contact, invade your personal space, or become overly possessive in public. So, does this person respect your personal space, or do they constantly invade it? No matter who this person is or what kind of relationship you have with them, it’s important to establish boundaries when it comes to physical intimacy.

Grand Gestures

Sure, grand romantic gestures can be sweet, but when they start to feel more like something out of a rom-com than real life, it might be a sign of limerence. Think, Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother. Are they constantly showering you with extravagant gifts or planning elaborate surprises without considering whether you actually want them? While it’s nice to feel appreciated, it’s also important for gestures to feel genuine and thoughtful, not forced or over-the-top. These acts or gifts are supposed to make you feel loved, not overwhelmed.

Idealizing You

It’s one thing to admire someone’s qualities, but it’s another thing entirely to put them on a pedestal. For example, they might be quick to dismiss any  negative qualities or mistakes you have, believing you can do no wrong. You get the sense that they believe being with you will solve all of their problems and make their life complete. This is a sign they’re more infatuated with the idea of you rather than who you actually are.

Loss of Identity

Have you noticed that this person seems to have lost sight of who they are outside of their feelings for you? Did they stop talking to other people in their life and only seem to want to spend time with you? Maybe they’ve started adopting your interests, hobbies, and even mannerisms as their own? While it’s flattering to have someone admire you, it’s also important for them to maintain their own sense of self. 

Can’t Take No for an Answer

This is a big one. No means no, right? But someone who is too limerent might have a hard time accepting rejection. Do they respect your decisions, or do they try to override them? They might try to manipulate or guilt-trip you into changing your mind, or even resort to more extreme measures to try to win you over. It’s important to stand firm in your boundaries and not let anyone pressure you into something you’re not comfortable with. 

Extreme Jealousy

A little jealousy is natural in any relationship, but if someone is overly possessive or jealous of any attention you give to others, it could be a red flag. Do they closely monitor your interactions with friends or get upset when you talk about other people in your life? Do they police your other relationships and dictate who you can and can’t spend time with? Do they seem paranoid about your friends or even strangers being friendly with you? Healthy relationships are built on trust and mutual respect, not possessiveness and jealousy. So if this person is crossing the line from caring to controlling, it may be a sign of a deeper issue like limerence.

It’s important to remember that most people who experience limerence aren’t dangerous or malicious; they’re just caught up in the whirlwind of intense emotions. This is common for people who grew up emotionally neglected. Still, that doesn’t mean you should tolerate this behavior, especially if you’re uncomfortable.

It’s natural to feel conflicted, especially if the person experiencing limerence is a friend or someone you care about deeply. But tolerating this behavior is only going to keep this cycle of unhealthy feelings and attachment unchecked. 

By setting some boundaries, talking openly, and making sure you’re taking care of yourself, you’re not only keeping yourself safe but also helping both of you grow. In the end, dealing with limerence isn’t just about looking out for yourself, but making things better for both of you. It might be tough to let go, but in the end, it’s the only way for the two of you to feel respected and understood. 

And to anyone on the other end experiencing limerence, maybe it’s time to stop seeing love where there is none and move on to find real happiness and real love. So, how do you differentiate between genuine feelings of love and unhealthy infatuation? Share your insights in the comments down below.

References:

• Crappy Childhood Fairy. (2024 March 9). The Icky Feeling When Someone is Limerent on YOU [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=is8ahALwHzM