7 Ways Birth Order Affects Your Romantic Relationships

Research has been done in determining how birth order affects one’s personality. While there is no actual scientific evidence that directly links birth order as a causation to how one’s personality develops, the patterns discovered are still an interesting find that makes for a riveting theory. William Cane, author of The Birth Order Book of Love, states that birth order also affects your romantic relationships. This is because the behaviors, habits, and tendencies we adapt over time that are affected by the roles we play based on our birth order may determine who we are compatible with and choose to love. Psych2Go shares with you 7 ways birth order affects your romantic relationships:

1. First born with first born

There are typically two types of first borns: the compliant and the aggressive. The compliant first borns are known as the caregivers, people pleasers, and team players. The aggressive first borns, on the other hand, like to be in charge and have perfectionistic tendencies. Whereas compliant first borns are flexible and adaptable to different situations, aggressive first borns are rigid and have a harder time accepting change if it doesn’t match up to how they think things should be run.

When two first borns come together and form a relationship, there is often power struggle involved. Bill and Hilary Clinton are a classic example of two first borns. Bill comes off as a compliant first born while Hilary displays traits of being an aggressive first born. Two first borns may fight over small matters, such as which restaurant to eat at or what movie to watch. In order for a relationship to last between two first borns, it is important to learn this word: compromise. While both may feel strongly towards a situation with clashing perspectives, two first borns should ask themselves if keeping their pride and standing their ground is worth the headaches and heartache.

2. First born with middle born

Although this looks like the perfect match on the surface, it’s far from being so. This is because the middle born will have an inclination to follow the first born’s lead. Of course, this will depend on whether the first born identifies as an aggressive or compliant first born. But, if the middle born finds themselves molding and centering their life around the first born, then their own needs, wants, and dreams may be put on hold. In order for this relationship to work, it’s important for the first born to monitor how dominant they’re being and for the middle born to establish a healthy form of self within the relationship, so that it’s not one-sided.

3. First born with last born

This can be a classic case of opposites attracting and is often seen as the most ideal relationship. The first born is used to taking care of matters and getting things done while the last born is used to being taken care of. They will complement one another as the first born teaches the last born how to be more responsible while the last born teaches the first born how to loosen up once in a while and have fun. Of course, no relationship is perfect and there’s bound to be some conflict that arises. In order for a relationship between a first born and last born to work, they should emphasize each other’s strengths and learn to be open-minded about one another.

4. Middle born with middle born

There are two types of middle borns: the outgoing and the loner. Regardless of which type two middle borns identify with, both middle borns are classic “O” types, which means they are good at compromising. When two middle borns come together in a relationship, both may be afraid of conflict, so they’ll try to avoid it at all costs. If both choose not to talk honestly about how they feel and let things build up and fester inside, neither partner will be able to learn and grow from each other. In order for a relationship between two middle borns to work, both individuals have to be open about communication and see conflict not as the end of something, but as an opportunity to grow.

5. Middle born with last born

The middle born with the last born is not a bad match. This can be especially true if the middle born identifies as a loner type and the last born is a social butterfly who can complement one another. Due to the middle born’s compromising nature, they can be compatible with just about anyone, regardless of birth order. However, if the middle born has a big age gap in their birth order with a much younger sibling, the middle born may have traits a last born typically possesses. This is because when the sibling age gap is 5 years or more, the cycle starts all over again. If the middle born does exhibit traits similar to the last born, then there will be power struggles. For this relationship to work, both partners have to be willing to compromise.

6. Last born with last born

When two last borns come together in a relationship, it can seem fun and exhilarating, because both are carefree, happy-go-lucky risk takers. However, this can also easily translate into a disaster. Similar to how quickly the sparks can fly between these two lovers, a head-on collision can happen just as fast. Both may avoid taking any responsibilities when reality sets in because they care more about playing than the work component. In order for this relationship to work, both partners have to step up to the plate and make decisions together.

7. Only children with anyone

Many people think that only children often exhibit the responsible, go-getter traits of a first born. However, only children can take on the attention-seeking traits of a last born, too. Depending on which only born you’re dealing with, this will help you determine how the relationship will work. Typically, they are compatible with anyone, regardless of birth order.

Do you agree? Leave a comment below!



Santos, A. (2015, June 10). How Your Birth Order Affects Your Romantic Relationships. Thought Catalog. Retrieved September 28, 2017.

Schipani, D. (2010, May 28). How Does Birth Order Affect Relationships? Woman’s Day. Retrieved September 28, 2017.

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  1. what if you have siblings, but were raised separately? I have older and younger siblings, but I’m a bastard child so wasn’t raised with them. I knew about them and my other family my whole life, but I didn’t meet any members of that family until middle school. would I be an only child since I was raised without them or since I’m technically in the middle and were aware of having siblings would I be a middle child? psych2go please explain.


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