How to convince an extrovert to date you (for introverts)

My college friend Lisa is an introvert (guess that explains why we bond so well). Her love life is also as blissful. But what got me curious is that she is dating an extrovert. Until then, I never thought a bold outspoken guy would want to date a shy soft-spoken girl like her.  But watching them together feels like watching a fairy tale. They seem to connect very well despite their huge personality gap. I wanted some dating tips, so she fed me in on how she convinced an extrovert to date her. These are her reasons:

  1. She always offers a listening ear. As a good listener, her boyfriend can count on her every time he needs to get something off his chest. Hans Eysenck, a leading researcher in the field of personality has conducted several studies to prove that introverts tend to mull things over before reacting (Eysenck,1985). So as a typical introvert, my friend will just sit there and listen without interruptions or judgment, and her boyfriend really appreciates that. As an introvert, she is not quick to offer “words of wisdom” and this really helps when her boyfriend is having a bad day and just needs solace.
  2. She enjoys real face to face communication.  Introverts appreciate intellectual conversations more than just superficial texting or chatting. My friends can just sit with her hubby for a few drinks and talk about life. He just feels blessed to be dating an introvert.
  3. She is not a drama queen. Oh yes, men are tired, and I mean real tired, of loud women. So, for her, being an introvert is an actual blessing to their relationship. He does not have to worry about being embarrassed in public or having to endure nagging arguments/ whining.
  4. She knows how to balance socializing and need for solitude. Most people think that dating an introvert means they will always enjoy solitude. Former corporate attorney Susan Cain talks about this misconception in her book Quiet; The power of Introverts in a world that can’t stop talking.  So again, my friend’s personality here comes in handy. She knows where to draw the line. When her boyfriend has friends over, she will interact with them. When he needs some quality time alone, she will be there for him.
  5. She loves him unconditionally. This is another great advantage of dating an introvert. She tells me that the thought of cheating never crosses her mind. She gives him full attention, heart, and soul. What man would pass up such love and loyalty while dating an introvert?
  6. She is honest with her feelings. A great way to convince an extrovert to date you according to my pal is to be clear on how you feel. She does not play mind games like the silent treatment.  Intellectual honesty is something very rare to find in most relationships.


Are you an introvert in a great relationship with an extrovert? Would you like to share your own piece of advice? Leave a comment below!






Edited by Viveca Shearin








  1. Eysenck, Hans J. et  Michael Eysenck. Personality and Individual Differences. New York: Plenum Press, 1985.”Introversion.” Gale Encyclopedia of Psychology. Retrieved May 04, 2017 from
  2. Cain, S. ( 2012) Quiet; The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking. New York: Crown Publishers.

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