Diary of an Introvert with Cabin Fever: 4/18/2017

Where does the time go?

It seems like only yesterday that this semester has started. Now, I’m three weeks away from finals… and I have two ten page papers to write, one giant dramaturgy project, one undetermined project, one directing scene, and one cabaret performance to get ready for in that time.

If you’ve, read some of my past articles, you will remember that I said I sometimes have emotional meltdowns. Every single time a meltdown has happened, it was because stress built up over time and one bad day ignited the flame. When I have a meltdown, I’m useless for at least twenty-four hours. I will consider myself so lucky if that’s as bad as it gets. I’m planning on this meltdown forcing me to take three days off. Three days off that I just don’t have.

I don’t know what grace has allowed me to survive to this point without having a meltdown. If it’s still going to happen, it will happen in the next three or four weeks and it’s gonna be big and bad.

If it doesn’t happen, I will rejoice like never before.The beer will be gone in one night and all the greasy food will be eaten.

The thing I hate the most is that I am unable to do the things I love.

This hit me hard because I went to an Q & A event for the author, Timothy Egan.

After he told us all about his latest book, The Immortal Irishman, Mr. Egan took questions, so I went up and asked him:

“You say that you fall in love with your subjects. How do you keep from falling out of love with them after spending so much time with them?”

“The not so lovable things about these people or characters is what makes them human. So in all the books that I’m sure you will eventually write, don’t be afraid to make them human.”

I bought a copy of one of his books and got in line to get it signed. He recognized me instantly.

“You asked the really good question!”

“Yep.”

“Do you wanna be a writer?”

“Yes. I’m on the second draft of my first book… I’ve been working on if for five years.”

“Hey, that’s okay. You need to take the time to find your voice.”

In my book copy, he wrote, “I look forward to your book. Timothy Egan.”

It makes me want to buckle down and start writing some more… and I just don’t have the time.

It really sucks on the artistic end of things too. Mom got me a pack of Prismacolor Brush Markers for Easter. New art supplies are one of the few things that get me excited, and I won’t be able to play with them until the semester is over.

I need more time. I need a lot more time. A 48-hour day to do all the work I need to do, to play, relax, recharge, and catch up on sleep. A 48-hour day would be perfect for situations like this. I’m seriously considering pulling all-nighters until the end of the semester. Not because I need the time for homework, but because I need the time for me.

Why do I need so much time that I don’t have for me? I wish all of my time could be for me and I wouldn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to. Then again, I suppose that is something we all wish once we reach adulthood, and rarely does that wish ever come true.

School is so demanding and, unfortunately, so am I.

Edited by Viveca Shearin

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