Simple Tips to Gain a Courageous (But Subtle) Flirting Style

flirtingHair twirling, playful game of back and forth eye tagging, a subtle stroke on the back…what’s your style of flirting? The art of flirting involves a combo of gestures which advertise interest in a potential suitor.

I was shown this humorous video by the admin of titled: You’ll Never Flirt the Same After Watching This. After our minor discussion about the video, I started closely analyzing my flirting techniques (lol…what flirting style do I have…nada), as well as the flirting styles of those around me.

I wouldn’t throw myself into the bad flirters category…I can say i’m knowledgeable about flirting; I just find it uncomfortable doing so with a guy I barely know. You would NEVER find me approaching a guy (in a romantic light) anywhere…that’s when the 10% shyness component of me takes over the 90% outgoing Christina. I’m ALWAYS friendly, but flirtatious? Eh, not so much.

Short Anecdote: I started getting playfully teased by a classmate a few weeks ago; I always reciprocated with friendliness but never did I flirt with him. I’m NOT playing a game nor would I say i’m not interested…I’m honestly just not a flirty person (with strangers). We sit on completely opposite sides of lab and yesterday he called me “boo” numerous times and playfully mouthed: “I love you” with his hands as the professor was lecturing. He asked for my Facebook URL a few weeks ago but for some odd reason…he never added me (but openly admitted to checking out my Facebook, anyway). Guess what? I found out he’s been with this girl for the past four years…no wonder he never added me because if he did, I would’ve known!

With all this said, I’m on a journey: I need to gain a courageous attitude to flirt or, at least, show that i’m available (i’ve been told that I seem intimidating and “taken”?)  (I started conducting a social experiment at a lounge I went to yesterday; details and results will further be revealed in a future article so stay tune!)

Let’s start with a few beginner flirting tips:

1) Make Steady Eye Contact

eye contactEye contact accounts for 43.4% of our attention when communicating interpersonally.

Western culture is known for doing the copulatory gaze, the 2-3 second intense staring in which pupils usually dilate. After the 2-3  seconds, the initiator usually looks away or down; if the target is still interested, he/she will try to regain their attention with a return gaze.

Notice how it’s 2-3 seconds; let’s not get creeper status and stare at your prey for more than 30 seconds max at a given time. No one can enjoy themselves if they know someone across the room is intensely gazing at them in a stalker-like manner.

Couples who participate in steadier eye contact tend to express higher feelings of: affection, liking and passionate love.

 2) Wear Red

Psychology of color notes that red signifies: power, strength, energy, dominance, competitive, outgoing nature and high status.

Let’s return back to evolutionary psychology: a variety of animals flush red when they are sexually receptive). Red captivates interest greatly because it signifies sexual openness.

redResearch has shown that:

  • Online dating profile pics of women in red attracted much more responses
  • Dating websites which are geared more towards “hook-ups” rather than serious relationships had more participants wearing red in their profile photos
  • Men expressed a desire to spend almost twice as much on a female wearing red, when in comparison with women wearing blue
  • Female waitresses who wore red received 15%-26% higher tips by male customers (women customers were neutral)
  • Men in red are perceived to be of higher status which is attractive when trying to woo over women.

3) Genuinely Smile

smileWe’ve all heard that one’s smile is most likely the first physical aspect that will capture an outsider’s attention. Although studies say that about 80% of humans can fake a “genuine smile”, with a little analytical ability, it’s not difficult to detect a genuine smile from a fake one.

A genuine smile aka a Duchenne smile involves a symmetrical raising of the cheeks and the display of crows feet around the eyes.

Women smiling signifies approachability therefore, an increase in attractiveness; and for men, smiling is associated with dominance.

How to tell a genuine smile from a fake one:

  • Real smiles are “slower” to appear. Smiles are seen more trustworthy and attractive when you tilt your head in the same direction as your eye orientation of your partner.

More flirting tips will surely come! As well as my experience with flirting in various settings: school setting, bar setting, club setting, etc.

How would you describe your flirting style? Has it been successful? What are some tips you’d like to share with us? I’d love to hear them!



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