How Relationships Reveal Our True Selves

Have you ever noticed how being around certain people brings out different sides of yourself? Maybe you’re more outgoing with your friends, but reserved around your family. Every connection we make — whether it’s romantic, platonic, or familial — offers valuable lessons that contribute to our personal growth and self-discovery. So, wondering what your relationships can teach you about yourself? Let’s explore, shall we?

The Mirror Effect

According to psychology and relationship experts, how you feel about other people is a reflection of not only how they treat you, but how you see yourself as well. Essentially, every interaction and relationship in our lives serves as a mirror, reflecting back to us both the things we love about ourselves and the things we’d rather ignore. 

Think about it. What do all of your closest friends and loved ones have in common? What drew you to them is probably something you also see or want to nurture in yourself, like a great sense of humor for example, or a shared passion for adventure. 

In the same way, qualities that upset or irritate us in others often mirror aspects of ourselves that we haven’t fully acknowledged or accepted. Say for instance you feel uncomfortable around someone who’s highly assertive. This discomfort (or at least part of it) could stem from a lack of confidence in yourself and a secret desire to be the same way. 

Understanding this mirror effect can be a powerful tool for self-awareness.

History Repeats Itself

Do you ever find yourself stuck in the same relationship rut? Maybe you’re always drawn to partners who seem emotionally distant, or perhaps you have a habit of pushing away close friends. These patterns, often lurking in our subconscious, offer valuable insights into our past experiences.

Our early years shape more than we realize, especially our attachment style — that is, the way we relate to others. Reflect on your childhood: What were your parents’ relationships like? How did they treat you? What kind of environment did you grow up in? 

Say for instance you tend to avoid conflict or intimacy in relationships. It may stem from a fear of vulnerability or abandonment rooted in childhood experiences. Maybe a parent left you when you were younger, or emotionally neglected you as a child. 

Going back to our earlier example, if you grew up in an environment where affection was scarce or inconsistent, you may unconsciously seek out partners who replicate that emotional distance or unavailability. 

If you struggle with a history of failed relationships (be it romantic or platonic), it’s essential that you work through your unresolved issues and consciously choose healthier beliefs and behaviors. Remember, patterns tend to repeat themselves until we learn the lessons they hold.

Your True vs Your Best Self

Now, let’s talk specifically about romantic relationships and what love can teach us about ourselves. Being in a healthy, intimate relationship with someone allows us to be our most open, vulnerable, and genuine self. 

We allow our partners to see both our greatest strengths and our most terrible flaws, to witness us experience the full spectrum of human emotion. They know our most private fears and we confide in them our innermost thoughts. And as a result, we might discover things about ourselves that we hadn’t noticed before. 

When you’re in a relationship, you learn what’s important to you. You learn to forgive, to compromise, to embrace personal differences. You learn how to put others first. You learn how to resolve conflict. You learn what your toxic traits are. You learn what your life goals are. You learn how to give and receive love.

Love not only lets us be who we really are but also become even better versions of ourselves. It teaches us patience, kindness, and empathy. When you’re in the right relationship, it brings out the best in you. 

For example, say you struggle with people pleasing. In a supportive relationship, your significant other may gently encourage you to prioritize self-care and speak on your behalf about asserting your boundaries. Over time, their unwavering support helps you become more comfortable with saying no and advocating for yourself more. 

Every relationship we have offers valuable insights into who we are. Use these reflections as opportunities for self-discovery and growth. And remember, the most fascinating journey we can embark on is the one that leads us back to ourselves.

So, what’s one thing your relationships have taught you about yourself? Share your insights in the comments down below!

References:

• The School of Life. (2023 Nov 15). How Love Can Teach Us Who We Are. https://www.theschooloflife.com/article/how-love-can-teach-us-who-we-are/ 
• Wilkerson, M. (2023 May 18). How Intimate Relationships Help Us Be Our True Self. Marriage. https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/how-intimate-relationships-help-us-be-our-true-self/ 
• Chesebro, A. (2022 Aug 1). 13 Things Romantic Relationships Can Teach You About Yourself. Bolde. https://www.bolde.com/13-things-romantic-relationships-can-teach-you-about-yourself/