Hey, Psych2Goers! We all know the classic story. You meet someone you like and tell a few little white lies here and there to spice up your story. Sometimes, we even pull the “fake it ‘til you make it” card and completely change ourselves all so that they will be liked by their crush. Spoiler alert: this rarely ever works. Why? Let me ask you. How many people do you know that stayed with their partner after they found out they had lied to them from Day 1? I’ll wait… Aaaanywho, let’s check out some ways you can minimize any chance of you seeming boring and maximize the chance of impressing your crush all in one! Let’s go!
Side Note: The term “boring” is subjective, and this article is not meant to attack any individual. This article is meant to inspire healthy methods of opening up a conversation with a potential partner. If you’d like to look further into this subject, please reach out to a trusted mental health professional.
Okay, we kind of already gave this one away, but this is probably the most important tip we (or anyone) could ever give. Just be honest and sincere. Let’s talk about one of my dating faux pas. I liked someone once upon a time who LOVED anime, loved it! Anyone who knew him knew it was his thing. Now, me? I was a Star Wars and Harry Potter only kinda gal, but when I found out anime was his fandom, I lied. I told him I loved anime. I would even go as far to Google references or search to figure out the little jokes that he’d send me to make it seem like I knew what he was talking about. In the end, we never dated. If we had, it probably would have been really stressful on my end, and he probably would have sniffed out the lie pretty quickly. What I should have done is be honest and let him know I had never watched anime, but I could have asked if he would like to watch his favorite with me to see if I liked it to. Now, looking back, I messed myself up, because that would have been an awesome proposal for a first date… Naruto and chill. So, next time you’re with your crush and have that urge to spin a little web of white lies, go with the honest answer. You never know what their response will be, so don’t think for your crush! Your crush won’t be bored that you sound exactly like them, and the honestly will impress your crush that you’re secure in who you are.
Think About Your Threads
Whether we do it consciously or not, humans judge by appearance. It can be a car, a building, or a person, but we based our preconceived notions on appearance first before we have any additional information. One main thing we use to judge people are their clothes. Now, pause. This is not to say that you need to go buy the most expensive name brand clothes or to dress in a particular way to get your crush’s attention. We don’t do that here. What we DO do is dress ourselves in a way that makes us feel our best and most confident. In a 2006 study based on workplace attire, those who believed that dressing more professionally would help them be promoted actually manifested that into happening. This principle can be applied to dating, too. Dressing in a way that makes you feel attractive, confident, or even happy can help you reflect those qualities to others. During your get ready time, take an extra minute picking out your outfit, doing your hair, make-up, or any other pieces of your routine. That little extra time for you and self-care can really be projected to your crush making them a little more impressed with you than they were.
The Craft of Conversation
“Mhm.” “Right??” “Cool.” “K.” Yep, the dreaded one-word responses. It doesn’t matter whether you’re texting or in person, these types of responses are straight up conversation killers. A group of researchers conducted a study on conversation and found that there is an internal tempo that all of us have. Essentially, it helps us to know when someone is done speaking and when it’s okay for us to begin to minimize talking over one another. When you use these conversation fillers, it completely throws off that rhythm which throws off the conversation and its participants. On top of that, these short responses indicate you’re bored of the conversation and would rather be doing something else. When talking to your crush, be present in the conversation, and really listen to what the person has to say. This way you can respond with a question about what they said, your opinion, or you can expand on that thing. No matter what you choose, you’re keeping up that internal tempo which shows your crush you can be a great person to talk to and listen. The more you can contribute to a conversation, rather than the one-word easy out, the more interesting you seem and the more impressed your crush will be.
Push Away Plateaus
If you’ve ever seen Dancing with the Stars (or really any dancing show), you’ll see that the performers have to spend countless hours before they can perform their big number. Not only are they learning the routine, but once they’ve learned it, they need to perfect it as if they’ve been doing this number for years. If one partner stops practicing because “they’ve got it”, it can really drag the other partner down, especially if they’re continuing to work hard. The same happens in relationships. In The Plateau Effect: Getting from Stuck to Success, the authors, Bob Sullivan and Hugh Thompson, explain how the plateau effect pushes us to do pretty much everything from eating to getting better at a skill. When we feel content with where we are, we stop pushing to improve. Now, not everything needs to be improved all the time. We’re referring to bettering yourself. When was the last time you read a new book, watched a new genre of movie, tried a new class to learn a skill, or even tried a new food? You don’t have to like everything you try, but it helps you get to know you much better. Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone safely can definitely help you be perceived as interested, and this is sure to impress your crush.
Let’s paint a picture. You get asked out on a date, and you politely accept. You go to dinner with your date, and all they do is talk about themselves. Basically, you’re Belle on a date with Gaston. They talk about how they’re smart, good-looking, rich, blah, blah, blah… Not once do they ask you anything or even your opinions. My guess is you won’t be scrambling for Date #2. When you’re first meeting someone, sure, you want to seem interesting enough to keep them interested in you, but one of the best ways to seem interesting is to be interested. Can we get a like for every time we just said “interesting”? No one wants to hang around with someone who’s all into themselves. Taking a moment to show interest in others can also help you keep that natural conversation tempo, too! It all works together to really deliver a memorable experience and impress your crush with how interesting you can be.
Putting your best foot forward when first talking with your crush is such a critical period. That’s why it’s important that that foot is attached to YOU, the REAL you, not some character you’re trying to become. If you have a crush, try out some of these tips, and let us know what happened. If you have a crush on someone right now, go ahead and give those “Like”, “Subscribe”, and “Notification” buttons a high-five! That way you can keep an eye on Psi for my Psych2Go content!
The references used in and to compose this article are listed below:
Amodeo, J. (2018, June 4). Would you like to become more interesting? Psychology Today. Retrieved July 14, 2022, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/intimacy-path-toward-spirituality/201806/would-you-become-more-interesting
Peluchette, J. V., Karl, K., & Rust, K. (2006). Dressing to impress: Beliefs and attitudes regarding workplace attire. Journal of Business and Psychology, 21(1), 45–63. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10869-005-9022-1
Stivers, T., Enfield, N. J., Brown, P., Englert, C., Hayashi, M., Heinemann, T., Hoymann, G., Rossano, F., de Ruiter, J. P., Yoon, K.-E., & Levinson, S. C. (2009). Universals and cultural variation in turn-taking in conversation. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 106(26), 10587–10592. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.0903616106
Sullivan, B., & Thompson, H. H. (2013). The Plateau Effect: Getting from stuck to Success. Dutton.
Whelan, C. (2021, April 29). If you display these 10 traits, you might be a boring person. Reader’s Digest. Retrieved July 14, 2022, from https://www.rd.com/list/boring-habits-of-boring-people/