Is Modern Dating DESTROYING Your Self-Esteem?

Let’s face it: dating today is a whole new world. Gone are the days of chance encounters or rom-com-worthy meet-cutes. Now, it’s all about swiping left, right, and curating our social media presence. Let’s not forget the mandatory virtual stalking before you even agree to meet in person. 

But have you ever wondered if this modern dating scene is getting to you? You’re not alone. Even the most confident and self-assured of us can feel down and worn out by dating fatigue and hookup culture, leading us to wonder: Is modern dating destroying your self-esteem?

Swipe, Swipe, Swipe

Think about how dating apps work. You upload your best photos, write a witty bio, and then hope someone swipes right on you. Sounds easy enough, right? But what happens when you don’t get as many matches as you hoped for? You might start questioning your looks, your attractiveness, or even your worth. Because modern dating (like most of social media) involves constant validation-seeking, it can be a real hit to your self-esteem when someone swipes left on you.

Social Media & Superficiality

Online personas often emphasize shallow, superficial qualities like good looks, curated lifestyles, and material success. On dating apps, you only get a brief glimpse of a person’s life through their photos and a short bio, which hardly captures the essence of who they really are. This focus on appearances can make it difficult to showcase the things that truly make you unique, such as your personality, sense of humor, and values. Instead, you might feel pressured to present an idealized version of yourself that aligns with what you think others want to see. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy if you don’t measure up to these unrealistic standards.

The Comparison Trap

When you’re single and trying to mingle, it’s easy to fall into the comparison trap. Social psychology explains that we naturally compare ourselves to others to gauge our own value and social standing. In dating, this leads us to feel like we’re constantly competing with seemingly perfect profiles, making us feel inadequate. You might also see couples posting plenty of cute selfies and videos, sharing their perfect dates, and looking like they’re having the time of their lives. 

Getting Ghosted

Imagine this: you’ve been chatting with someone for a week, the conversation is going great, and then… poof! They vanish. No explanation, no goodbye. Just gone. Getting ghosted can leave you feeling confused and rejected. And unfortunately, it happens more often than you think. Psychologically, ghosting triggers feelings of abandonment, making you question what you did wrong or if there’s something fundamentally unlovable about you. This not only erodes your confidence but can also make you hesitant to trust future connections. It also exemplifies the fleeting, often superficial nature of modern dating.


Cookie-jarring is when you keep someone as a backup in case things don’t work out with your current partner. According to dating expert Eugénie Legendre explains that if you are seeing someone and want to feel more secure, you soak up attention from a potential love interest. It stems from a need to feel safe and wanted. But this behavior can hurt both your self-esteem and the person you’re keeping as a backup. It creates insecurity and makes real connections harder to form. By relying on backups, you’re not fully committing to any relationship, which can leave you feeling more alone and unsure about your worth.

FOMO & The Myth of the Perfect Match

Because dating apps are rigged to keep you coming back for more, they present you with the illusion of choice. When you’re faced with endless profiles to swipe through, it feels like there are countless potential partners just waiting to be discovered. You might find someone great, but then wonder, “What if there’s someone even better just one more swipe away?” Having too many options make it harder to make a decision and commit to it, leaving most people feeling discontented and perpetually searching.

Dating apps can be a great tool for meeting new people, but it’s important to be aware of how they might be affecting your self-esteem. By understanding the psychological traps in modern dating, you can take steps to protect your self-worth and find more meaningful connections. Remember, your worth isn’t defined by the number of matches you get or how many dates you go on — you’re a unique individual with a lot to offer.

So, is modern dating destroying your self-esteem? What’s your take? Share your thoughts in the comments down below! And if you found this video helpful, please support our content with a like, share, and subscribe. We also have videos on “6 Things To Know About Your Crush Before Dating” and “MOST Relationships Today Are TOXIC, Here’s Why.” Thanks for watching!


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