“People Who Are Too Similar to Each Other are Not Likely to Last.”
There’s a theory that many “perfect” Hollywood marriages failed because of the intense similarity and closeness between the two individuals-Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt being a highly distinguished pair.
So is it true that couples who are intensely similar and too emotionally close to one another more prone to breaking up?
Everyone knows that couple: the one who think, act and dress almost identically. They’re hardly identified as their own individual but rather, more so as a pair of conjoined twins. You can’t even describe one of the pair differently than the other, they’re just way too alike. Moreover, most of us have been that half of the pair who can almost entirely describe your other partner as your other half. You can’t imagine not sharing every single component of your life with them and you can’t go a single day without seeing them. Does this lifestyle lead to healthy and long lasting relationships?
Researchers note that couples who are too physically and mentally similar to one another are less likely to have a long-term relationship than those with relatively some distance between them.
On the other hand, personality experts claim that similarity might not be the core problem but rather, the lack of distant.
Psychologists utilize a test called “Inclusion of Other in Self” which measures self-other inclusion and relationship closeness. This form of research, usually conducted via a simple scale pictorial, on-line questionnaires and/or paper surveys, look at how much a couple share: personality traits, values, identity and points of view. With this exam, medical professionals are capable of correlating the closeness of couples against their happiness and the strength of their relationships.
Findings: The couples with the strongest relationships were those who had an adequate amount of distance between them-they weren’t too close nor too distant. Professor David Frost notes that these couples were aware that they weren’t as close as can be however, they were perfectly happy that way. “It’s not how close you feel that matters most, it’s whether you are as close as you want to be, even if that’s really not close at all. People who yearn for a more intimate relationship and people who crave more distance are equally at risk of having a problematic relationship.”
Research states that if one wants to experience a healthy and rewarding relationship, it’s best to dentine your ideal level of closeness in a romantic context; then proceed on to find a partner that meets the standard and nothing below or above that. Although relationships require some level of compromising, it’s very difficult to be with a partner who might classify you as: “too needy” or “too distant”, when the relationship is already at that proximity you prefer it to be.
Foster goes on to explain that this concept could be utilized not only in romantic relationships but also, relationships with family members, co-workers and friends.
Have you ever felt too close or too similar to your romantic partner (to the point you knew it made you unhappy)? Do you prefer being very close to your partner or more distant? Have you ever dated someone who was intensely similar to you, but it ended up being a happy and long-lasting relationship, anyway?
Xoxo,
Chrissy
http://www.haverford.edu/psych/ble/continuous_ios/
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-inner-voice/201406/your-other-half
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