Have you ever wondered why you’re irresistibly drawn to certain people? The fascinating realm of attraction goes beyond mere physical appearance and is a powerful force that drives human relationships. While love is a complex and multifaceted emotion, understanding the patterns of attraction can provide intriguing insights into our inner selves. The people we find ourselves drawn to and romantically interested in can reveal a lot about our personalities, values, and even our subconscious desires.
However, it is crucial not to overgeneralize or stereotype people based on their attractions. People are complex beings, and attractions are just one aspect of their multifaceted personalities. Understanding the true motivation behind your attraction can help you navigate relationships with self-awareness and ensure that you engage in connections that are mutually beneficial and based on genuine compatibility.
With that said, let’s dive deeper into how our attractions shape our identities and influence our choices in relationships, according to psychology experts:
If you are attracted to typical bad boys/girls energy…
Attraction to individuals exuding the quintessential “bad boy/girl” energy can speak volumes about your own inclinations and desires. It may suggest that you crave excitement, adventure, and a hint of rebellion. You might be drawn to their confidence, assertiveness, and independent nature. According to psychologist Dr. Madeleine Fugère, however, it’s essential to reflect on whether this attraction stems from a healthy appreciation of these qualities or a subconscious need to “fix” or rehabilitate others, thinking that you can “change them for the better” and then being trapped in an incompatible relationship with the idealized version of someone instead of the real them.
If you are attracted to toxic people…
Attraction to toxic individuals can be indicative of underlying issues within ourselves, says psychologist Dr. Claire Jack. It may suggest a need for validation, a fear of intimacy, or a pattern of seeking out familiar dynamics. This attraction can stem from unresolved emotional wounds causing you to recreate unhealthy patterns from your past. Thus, recognizing this tendency is crucial for our well-being, allowing us to break free from toxic cycles and cultivate healthier connections built on mutual respect, trust, and emotional support.
If you keep dating people who are less attracted to you…
Similarly, being drawn to partners who are less attracted to you can be a sign of low self-esteem, fear of intimacy, or anxious attachment. According to a study by psychologist Helen Fisher and her colleagues, rejection can make someone more attractive to us. But this often stems from an unhealthy, deep-seated belief that we are unworthy of being desired or loved fully, which instills a need to chase after unattainable partners. This pattern can lead to imbalanced relationships, where you invest more emotionally than your partner. Understanding this attraction pattern empowers you to cultivate self-worth, recognize your own value, and seek relationships where you are genuinely appreciated and reciprocated in your affections.
If you’re drawn to those who remind you of a parent or caregiver…
Attraction to individuals who resemble significant figures from our past, such as a parent or caregiver, is a common phenomenon known as “imprint attraction”, explains Dr. Claire Jack. This attraction can be driven by unconscious desires to recreate familiar dynamics or seek qualities that were lacking in our earlier relationships. Understanding this pattern can help shed light on unmet emotional needs and provide an opportunity for healing and growth. By recognizing the influence of past experiences, you can strive for relationships that are based on genuine connection rather than unconscious repetition.
Who we’re attracted to provides a captivating window into our own selves, revealing layers of our personality and desires that may remain hidden at first glance, even to us. Thus, understanding the underlying many factors that underpin our attractions can help us gain insight into our own personalities and guide us in forming deeper and more fulfilling connections with others.
So, Psych2Goers, as you reflect on your own attractions, ask yourself: What do they say about you? How can you use this knowledge to foster healthier and more fulfilling relationships? Let us know in the comments down below! And if you found this video valuable/helpful, please support our work by hitting like and subscribing to our channel.
- Cheney, D. (2020 May 8). Why Women Find “Bad Boys” So Attractive, Even Though We Know They’re Trouble. Good Housekeeping. https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/a32314885/dating-bad-boys/#:~:text=If%20a%20girl’s%20inner%20life,D.
- Jack, C. (2020 Nov 5). “Why Do I Keep Attracting Toxic Partners?”. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/women-autism-spectrum-disorder/202011/why-do-i-keep-attracting-toxic-partners#:~:text=Attracting%20toxic%20people%20doesn’t,of%20a%20therapist%20if%20needed.
- Brogaard, B. (2016 Oct 31). Why We Can Get Obsessed With People Who Don’t Want Us. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mysteries-love/201610/why-we-can-get-obsessed-people-who-dont-want-us#:~:text=According%20to%20Helen%20Fisher%20and,reward%2C%20addiction%2C%20and%20cravings.