Wikipedia Can’t Tell You Why Intelligent People Have a Hard Time Dating
Ever wondered why intelligent people have a hard time dating? Have you met someone so interesting, and ended up being disappointed in the long run? Is it easier for you to fall in love with your heart, but not your mind? Well, don’t worry I’ve got you covered. I have created a list of 7 reasons why intelligent people face difficulties when dating:
1. I spend more time on achievements and goals.
It doesn’t mean that I won’t make time for the person that I am interested in, but it will be less time than what most would like. I like to take two days of the week to go on a date, watch a movie, or do an awesome activity together. But when my date starts demanding more time, that’s when the problems emerge because I let them know what I want in life and what I am doing to get there. In the long run, they end up feeling like I am selfish.
2. Achieving things means feelings of inferiority from the other person.
I like to get things done, and when I set my mind to something I will stop at nothing. The problem is when you are dating someone who doesn’t have any fixed goals or have the same get it done attitude they start to feel inferior and instead of being happy for you they start minimizing your success or playing the “look at all you do, and I haven’t done anything successful” card.
3. Constant negativity is killer.
For me, constant negativity is killer and makes me push away from my date. Now hold on that doesn’t mean I don’t get negative at times or need a little push me up from the person that I like. But I like to spend most of my time focusing on the good. If I fail at something I will get back up and try harder even if I feel bad. But when you are dating someone who is always seeing the bad in everything it’s a total turn off. When that happens, I feel like my date is sucking out my energies.
4. I find joy in having rich interesting conversations.
I’m not Einstein, but I find joy in having rich interesting conversations. In fact, for me, it’s a turn on. I consider myself to be a sapiosexual, which is a person who is attracted to the intelligence of another. When I’m getting to know a potential romantic partner, I pay a lot of attention to what they say and like to speak about. If they constantly are having a small talk or demeaning others I step away. To me, there is nothing more unattractive than a person who spends their time speaking about nonsense.
5. I look for a person who I am growing with.
When dating I look for a person who I am growing with and lets me bloom. What I mean by this, is that when I’m progressing in life, I need someone who wants to also. My date needs to get the big picture. I will not waste my time on anyone who likes conformity and stays there.
6. I like my space.
I like my space, especially when I am relaxing after a long day. But when my date becomes needy and always want to be with me, that’s when problems start to kick in. You see, I enjoy and need my independence. Anyone who is too clingy is a big no for me. In my experience dating, when I want to go out alone or do my own thing, my date starts to question me. Asking me “why didn’t you tell me? I could have gone with you!” or “Are you cheating on me?” I mean like come on, if you can’t give me personally we are done.
7. I don’t mind being alone
I have found happiness and comfort being by myself, so it’s harder for me to form long-lasting romantic relationships. Since I don’t mind being alone I use it as an excuse to push away dates that don’t fit my criteria.
What’s your opinion on this? Do you agree with this article? What are some other reasons why intelligent people have a hard time dating?
Like this article? Be sure read: We All Need Friends, But Why Do Intelligent People Have So Few?
I am in love with a girl, who is exactly like that. I am a relationship type who loves doing things together and this mentality of hers of being rather independent, working a lot and enjoying time by herself is giving me a hard time. What are your suggestions how I should deal with it?
As hard as it may be, they have a goal in mind, and if she really cares about you, she’ll think she’s giving you enough time, but to you it may not be enough. there comes a point where you may not be able to take anymore of it, and that may be a reminder to her, that she needs to give the relationship some time too. but a person like this will only sacrifice 2 days at most before they feel like you’re pulling them away from their goal. i’m with a man like this for 5years and in a long distance relationship. how we make it work? talk everyday or try to at least. messaging a little, but in the evenings we try to talk for about half an hour or so before it’s his time to sleep. that’s it. some days we can talk more because our free times match up. other days, he’s at work when i’m up in the morning, and my work finishes late and he’s already in bed by the time i get home because of time difference. things like that that used to irritate me, don’t anymore. because i embraced that fact that everything he’s doing, everything i’m doing is for us, so we can be together, so that we can achieve that bigger picture. his goals became mine. and now instead of getting upset with him over choosing that over me, i understand that he’s been putting me and our future first the whole time. building something amazing so that we can have a good life.
look, i don’t know what this girl you’re in love with is like or what her goals are. but try instead of dealing with it, to join in with her. work just as hard, better yourself and have an aim in your mind if not the same one as her. and fight together rather than against each other. there will always be some argument over commitment, with this type of a relationship it will come up once in a while, of who they’re more committed to, their goal or you? but you have to understand the bigger picture and try to not let it get to you, and admire their determination instead. if that’s not something that you can do, and you need someone who can be there 24/7 for you. that’s absolutely fine, and you need to think of your needs too. but think about your future for a second before you do that. would you rather be with someone in the long run who keeps all their time free for you so that they can help you at any time? or would you rather someone who has achieved things in their life. so you can go ‘thats my girl’, and be so proud that you were there every step of the way, and that you have both moved forward in every way possible. because someone who is always free, be careful, sometimes they don’t like to move forward at all, and that could be a whole new problem for you after a goal achieving relationship like this.
my words are here to help, not to condescend or to hurt in any way at all. and if they do anything but help, please disregard them. i’m just speaking from my own individual experience with this type of love. every relationship is different.
Just an opinion… but didn’t you contradict yourself? You said you deal with the lack of desire to spend alot of time together, by making his goals yours; because you know he’s working for the two of you to have a good life… so you can be together??
I’m not meaning to say something rude, but sounds like you are the temporary. When he is ready, able, and finds who he really wants to spend time with… he will.
i don’t deal with anything. over time, his goals became mine, thats just how it ended up happening. seeing as we’re getting married next year, i don’t think i’m anything temporary to him. we’re just both working for a future together. and working hard and missing time to talk or skype each other is the sacrifice we have to make so i can move there, and we can move in together, instead of just visiting. life’s complicated, but we’re making the best of a shitty long distance situation. and honestly, you can say that that wasn’t supposed to be rude, but it is. i don’t see how i’m contradicting myself, and i was just trying to help someone else because i have had a similar situation. that does not mean that they have to take on board what i say at all. but it doesn’t give you a right to say that i’m a temporary in my partners life. that’s very rude and hurtful, and i do not appreciate it. but all are entitled to their own opinion i suppose. you don’t know me and i don’t know you, so please don’t act like you do.
cheers.
I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to comment in a hurtful way. I looked back and see I didn’t word my thoughts very well. In your comment, you talked about commitment arguments, and didn’t mention any plans for marriage. So it seemed like you were being taking advantage of… like so many women are. Many ‘intelligent’ types are using the intelligence to manipulate women into sex without commitment.
Sounds like when you date a boring, arrogant asshole…
That’s ok. I apologise for getting so defensive. After hearing for 5years that a long distance relationship won’t work, you get used to having to stand your ground and defend it.
By commitment arguments, that was when we were younger and he would not Skype me in a whole month or more. No calls just a few messages here or there because his work just ate him up and he got consumed by it. So that was where the commitment arguments came up. Since then we’ve worked out our differences and talk every day unless we’re super busy and the timing just doesn’t work.
I get exactly what you’re saying. Some men act distant and like they’re busy so that they can see a girl only once in a while for a bang and just lead her on that way. But not all men are like that. And especially the type of person that they’re discussing in this article, is completely different. They’re just goal orrientated and have a plan for what they want so they can achieve it. And it’s absolutely beautiful to watch how they speak of what they’re so pasionate about. This type of person is intelligent and uses that to better their life and get somewhere. What you’re thinking of is a type of person that just uses people until they’re done with them. And that’s absolutely shitty. But it’s not what the real intelligent type like the one described in the article is like.
Most of this has nothing to do with being intelligent. The article might be better off named “Why Ambitious People Have a Hard Time Dating.” Just because you’re intelligent doesn’t mean you’re goal-oriented, always focusing on achievement and don’t like “needy” people.
I am very intelligent, highly educated, love intelligent conversations and consider intellectualism a must in dating and friendship. However, I am not goal-oriented or ambitious, and I am one of those people who considers work to be something we all have to do for money. I want to work my 8 hours and then go home to more fulfilling things. I am introverted, but I would love nothing more than to be with someone who wants to spend all of her time with me.
Your article has a very snobbish tone, as if there is something wrong with people who are not like you. I’d imagine your stuck-up mentality is why you have a hard time dating. I think the main way in which intelligence is a barrier in dating is having a harder time relating to others and enjoying the same kind of conversations and activities (fun ones–not ones related to goals) they do. Yes, small talk is very difficult for intelligent people to handle. And let’s face it–in modern society, you’re far more likely to attract someone by acting like trash than by speaking intelligently and with substance.
I often wonder why people like the author of this article, almost always women, even bother to date. They seem like they don’t want to spend time with anyone, or that they want someone who is there the 1-2 times a week they actually feel like socializing. That’s not a relationship…and perhaps her lack of understanding of what a relationship is also is why dating for her is hard.
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I think this is a very bias article and it should’ve been noted that these seven things were based upon your own dating experience. There weren’t any reputable sources used to construct this writing, either. This definitely would have gotten a better response from other readers if you mentioned where all of this was coming from and if you gave a background story to why you feel this way. If you were to rewrite this using academic journals, I think it would be a great story to read because as someone who considers herself very intelligent, I do have a hard time dating. I don’t feel as if many people are on the same intellectual level as I am and not many people can mentally challenge me. If this was written better, it would be a great article to read.
This article isn’t factual, or based on any credible sources – rather, it’s the author’s story, her opinion on why ‘intelligent’ people find it hard to get a date. Furthermore, the points listed out seem to be traits of someone who is overly ambitious, self-seeking, and vain; intelligence does not equal ambition. It would be nice if the author would be able to back her article up with credible sources, or re-write the article, using a wider definition of an ‘intelligent’ person.