Do you find it difficult to trust others?
Do you find yourself to be constantly uneasy and on-edge in your relationship? Or have you perhaps noticed this in your partner?
If there is unease and suspicion in your relationship, trust issues might be at the core of it.
Trust issues can harm your relationship as well as your chances of happiness. It is important to be mindful of signs of trust issues so as to best understand and thus move past them.
Here are 5 signs someone has trust issues.
1. Constantly comparing new people to toxic people from your past
A person with trust issues may develop a tendency to compare new people that they meet to people from their past that hurt them or were abusive to them in some way.
Do you find yourself constantly looking for similarities between your partner and these people from your past? It is important not to ignore red flags, but you may have been obsessively seeking signs of toxic behavior, even when your partner hasn’t given you reason to. If all you can think about in your current relationship is how your previous partner mistreated you, you may have developed trust issues.
Do you notice signs of this way of thinking in your partner? Perhaps they constantly mention these types of comparisons with previous partners. If so, they may be struggling with trust issues (LoDolce, 2019).
2. Keeping others at a distance
Have you observed that either you or your partner tends to keep other people at a distance?
You may feel reluctant to open up or get close to others. The thought of being vulnerable and opening up about your feelings, fears and insecurities might feel too difficult or too scary to attempt.
On the other hand, you may have noticed that it is your partner who avoids sharing their deeper feelings with you. Perhaps they always shut down whenever you try to open up this type of conversation, no matter how kindly you approach the subject.
This can also extend to physical intimacy. Perhaps either you or your partner feels unsafe or even terrified at the prospect of physical intimacy with the other. This can be traced back to different things, and trust issues are one of the possible causes—more plausible when occurring alongside other types of lack of intimacy and vulnerability.
Additionally, if you have a tendency to push partners or potential partners away, even when they are actually good prospects for you—nice, non-toxic people who treat you well—then you may have trust issues (LoDolce, 2019; GoodTherapy, 2019; Regan, 2021; WebMD, 2020).
3. Fear of commitment
Pushing people away goes hand in hand with a fear of commitment, both of which stem from a fear of opening up and being truly seen.
Thinking of relationship commitments in the long-term may indeed be a little scary, but you may end up running from people you can see yourself having loving, meaningful relationships with.
Succumbing to a fear of commitment could be detrimental to your own happiness, and is a sign that you may have trust issues to work through.
If the person you are romantically involved with is confusing you with conflicting signs of loving you and avoiding committing to you, it may be worth looking into whether they have a fear of commitment, and trust issues at the root of it (LoDolce, 2019; Regan, 2021).
4. Frequent suspicions
Trust issues are often accompanied by suspicious behaviors. This could mean that either you or your partner tend not to believe what other people say, even when there is no specific reason to doubt them. You might live life on the edge, always expecting others to hurt or betray you, constantly suspicious of people’s motives and actions.
This inclination to believe, even without reason, that others are deceptive or malevolent can also extend to friends and family. It can be difficult to accept kind gestures, love and affection because of these suspicions of ulterior motives.
Suspicion within a relationship can also involve jealous and possessive behaviors.Perhaps you or your partner sets rules for the other so as to avoid potential affairs with other people, or perhaps one of you often accuses the other of cheating and the like, even without cause.
Do you snoop through your partner’s phone or their things? Or do you perhaps notice signs that they have snooped through yours? Whether this is fueled by jealousy or other suspicions, this is a sign that you do not trust them, and may have trust issues (LoDolce, 2019; GoodTherapy, 2019; Regan, 2021; WebMD, 2020).
5. Picking fights
Do you or your partner have a history of being in dramatic and stormy relationships? More importantly, is your current relationship turbulent?
Does one of you often pick fights with the other, even over small or petty things? Issues with trust and constantly assuming the worst of your partner can build up within a relationship and result in explosions of arguments and accusations (GoodTherapy, 2019; Regan, 2021).
Do you relate to any of these signs? Trust issues can be difficult to navigate, but not impossible to work through and get past. Counseling from a qualified mental health care provider can help you overcome trust issues. Relationship counseling is also an option for working through these together with your partner.
GoodTherapy. (2019, November 27). Signs you may have trust issues. How to Get Over Them in Relationships, Marriage, and Life. Retrieved from https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/trust-issues
LoDolce, A. (2019, September 29). 7 signs you have trust issues in relationships. Love Strategies. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DX-PCVWgCDI
Regan, S. (2021, June 25). Do you have trust issues? Here are 7 signs to look for. mindbodygreen. Retrieved from https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/signs-of-trust-issues
WebMD. (2020, November 17). Signs of Trust Issues. WebMD. Retrieved February 3, 2022, from https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-trust-issues