5 Things INFJs Need in a Partner

Disclaimer. This article is for educational purposes. Although Myers-Briggs theory and personalities have scientific backing, topics on compatibility and the like are theoretical. 

We all have in mind an ideal partner. Some of us idealize someone who is tall, intelligent, independent, and has a 401(K), whereas others take more abstract characteristics into account. However, the ideals we pursue may not always be what we need in a relationship. You may want someone who is incredibly intelligent, but what you might need is someone relatable and tries to understand you instead of someone who is esoteric.  

Similarly, before entering a relationship, we should figure out what it is that we need. 

INFJs typically look for a partner who is authentic, intellectually stimulating, and communicative. Although these are great qualities to desire in a prospective partner, sometimes, you need someone who compliments you. 

  • Spontaneous

INFJs are not known for their spontaneity. They are planners and perfectionists. They feel comfortable with a structured and detailed plan, maybe a loose one, but anything outside of that can frazzle them. Although they may gravitate to a like-minded -IJ planner, INFJ needs someone who will shake their schedule a bit. This partner does not need to be someone frighteningly spontaneous. They just someone who will help them get out of their head.  

  • Stable

A financially stable partner is fantastic and always desired. However, an INFJs needs someone stable in their identity also. They should eschew relationships with someone who is ego-defensive because it can induce the INFJ to become ego-defensive. When both become ego-defensive, the relationship goes downhill–both might avoid communication and become passive-aggressive. 

Also, some INFJs often struggle with the odd identity crisis every once in a while. Hence, an INFJ might benefit from having a partner who has a good grasp of who they are. Having a partner know who they are and what they want provides stability to an INFJ in moments of uncertainty. 

  • Defiant

A defiant partner is not at the top of people’s list when it comes to choosing partners. We all like relationships to be easy, and they should feel that way. So, why am I recommending a defiant partner?

INFJs are advocates. They are passionate about causes and speaking up for others. However, who speaks up for them? I am not saying that INFJs are weak. No, they are opinionated and often speak up in the face of injustice. However, sometimes, they prefer to lower their voices in favor of keeping the peace. 

A defiant partner could become their advocate. A defiant person’s admirable trait is their directness and frankness. They are not afraid to call BS and rarely shy away from telling the truth even if it hurts. INFJs sometimes sacrifice the truth to maintain harmony, but sometimes you need someone to say the things you are afraid to say. 

  • Understanding

I think we all need someone who understands us, regardless of personality type. Being understood, especially by someone who loves us, is probably one of the greatest feelings ever. 

For an INFJ, and most NF types, having a partner who gets us is a pretty big deal. INFJs, and other NFs as well, tend to ramble. They talk, and sometimes they go on tangents, and sometimes they feel as though their point is not coming across (you guys get what I’m saying, right?). So, they need someone who will get, or at minimum, tolerate what they are saying. Most NF types typically delve into abstract and emotion-based conversations, so they need someone who can vibe with that. 

  • Empathetic

An INFJ will need a partner who is empathetic and will acknowledge their boundaries. INFJs frequently struggle with boundaries because they want to keep the peace. Their goal is harmony. Unfortunately, many people try to take advantage of an INFJ’s altruistic nature, so they will need someone who will respect them when they say no. 

A bonus would be a partner who fights for their INFJ’s boundaries. Most time INFJs are not going to be the ones to enforce their boundaries, so they would benefit from a partner who will. 

Frankly, we all need and deserve people who acknowledge and respect our boundaries. In a relationship, it’s a two-way street. We all deserve a partner who is understanding, empathetic, and stable, regardless of personality types. 

I hope this article was useful. Please let us know in the comment section below if you are interested in learning more about ideal partners or any personality type. 

Take care!


16personalities. “Mind: Introverted vs. Extraverted.” 16Personalities, 16Personalities, 2020, www.16personalities.com/articles/mind-introverted-vs-extraverted. 

Granneman, Jenn. “What INFJs Want in a Relationship – Introvert, Dear.” IntrovertDear.com, 24 Mar. 2015, introvertdear.com/news/who-is-the-infjs-soulmate/. 

James, Frank. “INFJ Relationships: What INFJs Need in a Partner.” YouTube, Frank James, 7 Jan. 2020, www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYY6WQ5RcBo. 

Schallock, Elaine. “What Do INFJs Want in a Relationship?” Personality Junkie, 2020, personalityjunkie.com/06/infjs-relationships/. 

Storm, Susan. “10 Things INFJs Look For in a Relationship.” Psychology Junkie, 11 June 2018, www.psychologyjunkie.com/2018/06/11/10-things-infjs-look-for-in-a-relationship/. 

Leave your vote

3 points
Upvote Downvote

Total votes: 3

Upvotes: 3

Upvotes percentage: 100.000000%

Downvotes: 0

Downvotes percentage: 0.000000%

Related Articles


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Hey there!

Forgot password?

Forgot your password?

Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password.

Your password reset link appears to be invalid or expired.


Processing files…