Everyone has their own flaws and imperfections they are insecure about. But chronic insecurity can prevent you from going after your dreams or drive your romantic partner away. When people are insecure in a relationship, they often blame their partner for the jealousy and suspicion that they feel. But, insecurity is something formed from within.
It stems from your early childhood when you might have experienced insecure attachment to your parents or from the constant rejection, judgment, and dismissal of your feelings. People who are often insecure in their relationships feel threatened from irrational fears and thoughts that cause them to believe they aren’t good enough for their partner, that their partner will leave them for someone better, or that they themselves won’t find anyone better. Psych2Go wants to lift those negative thoughts from your shoulders and shares with you 5 ways to cope with insecurity in your relationship:
1. Know and value your own self-worth.
Don’t get so caught up in what you lack. Instead, focus on the qualities and traits that you do have. Perhaps it’s your body weight or your skin condition that makes you insecure. Don’t let those aspects be the only factors that define who you are. Focus on the quirks that make you unique and draws other people towards you.
Think about the personality traits you possess that sets you apart from the crowd. It might be your great sense of humor, your kindness, or your endless ability to see the best in others. There’s a reason your partner chose to be with you in a relationship. Don’t forget to value who you are.
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2. Raise your self-esteem.
Research shows that people who feel insecure within their relationship also tend to have lower self-esteem. When you think poorly of yourself, you’re more likely to turn to your partner for validation. It’s not healthy to lose any aspect of yourself and give away the power to define who you are to someone else.
No one should be given the burden or responsibility to determine what constitutes your self-worth. This will only drive your partner away. Energy is contagious, so if you feel low in spirits about yourself, chances are, your partner will also pick up those same vibes and find it difficult to be happy with you. Everyone is allowed to have their bad days, but dishing out chronic insecurity isn’t fair to your partner.
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3. Maintain independence.
A healthy relationship means two people who love and care about each other, not two people who think they need each other in order to survive. In other words, it means knowing that you can be happy by yourself, but knowing that you are happier with the other person participating in your life. It’s important to maintain a sense of self-identity and to make sure your own needs are met for your own personal well-being. Don’t let your relationship be the common excuse for missing out on other aspects of your life, such as hanging out with close friends and family, making time for your hobbies, or working on personal goals and dreams you wish to pursue.
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4. Believe in yourself!
A healthy and fulfilling relationship relies on the foundation of trust. While it’s important to trust your partner, remember that you also need to trust who you are. Trusting your gut feeling, especially if you think something is off within a relationship and trusting that you can communicate effectively with your partner so that the both of you are on the same page are a couple reasons out of many that show the significance of believing in yourself.
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5. Talk openly about your insecurities with your partner.
Don’t let your own insecurities be unheard. Although you might hesitate from talking about such details that make you fear your partner will see you as less than the person they initially fell in love with, don’t allow that to stop you from having this important conversation. Talking things out will let you gain a different perspective. This in turn will help you monitor and keep your irrational thoughts and fears from ruining the relationship once you’re able to pinpoint what is driving your insecurities.
What are your experiences dealing with insecurity in relationships? Psych2Go would love to hear your thoughts! Leave a comment down below!
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Vilhauer, J. (2016, September 30). 4 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships. Psychology Today. Retrieved October 12, 2017.