How to be MISERABLE for the Rest of Your Life

Hey, Psych2Goers! Let’s talk about the Satisfaction with Life Scale (SWLS). It measures exactly what the title says – satisfaction of life. It won’t tell you if you’re happy or not, but it will help you to categorize which things you’re most satisfied with. But who wants to be SATISFIED? Don’t you want to be unhappy with your life every day you wake up? Don’t you want to trudge through life always hoping something better comes along? Well, keep on reading! We’ll teach you how to suck the light from your eyes and the drop that pep in your step! I mean, how actually wants to be content with their life and motivated to better yourself? Pfft. So, sit back, relax, and let’s take a look at how to be miserable for the rest of your life!

Side Note: This article is meant to be sarcastic and satirical, so please don’t take it too seriously. If you feel you need to discuss your level of satisfaction of life, please reach out to a mental health professional.

Don’t ever stick to a sleep schedule.

Rumor on the street is that sleep helps regulate mood, brain function, and your overall health. Don’t believe it! You want to stay up to watch another season of that show you’re binging? Do it! Want to have a night out on the town before you have to be to work at 7 AM? Dooo iiit! All you need is like three to four hours tops. Oh, that brain fog that you get after your power nap? Don’t worry about that. It’s okay. You’ll just be miserable for life. That’s what you want, right?

Take EVERYTHING for granted!

Alright. You have a job that covers your bills and gives you some extra spending cash, you have a roof over your head, a wonderful support system, and good health. But do you care? Nope!! To be miserable, you absolutely cannot show gratitude for these things. Gratitude can increase happiness and even your hopefulness about life. But who wants to get their hopes up? So the next time someone does you a favor or gives you a gift, don’t repay them or thank them. They should do that stuff just for being your friend, duh.

Avoid anything negative at all costs!

Have you heard this nonsense about people growing from your mistakes?? Hear me out. Mistakes are bad. When you make a mistake, people tell you which makes you feel bad. Sooo… if you avoid your mistakes, you can’t feel bad! But, wait! What if bad feelings just come up? Do whatever you can to push them away. Surround yourself constantly with friends so you can’t process your emotions, ignore your negative emotions, and put that band aid over the HUGE crack in the wall. It’s fine. This is fine.

Keep your phone at the ready at all times. Don’t look away!

Are you one of “those” people who actually like *gulp* socializing? Ya know, talking… like in person? Doing things IRL is lame. It’s all about social media now, and you HAVE to keep your phone on you at all times to make sure you don’t miss a thing. So, whether you’re alone or out with friends, just keep scrolling! It’s not like it makes you seem withdrawn or rude when with others or anything.

Self-care? More like WHO cares!

Okay, we ALL know this whole “self-care” thing is just to help sell candles and essential oils, right? It’s not like self-care reduces anxiety and helps you connect with your mind, body, and emotions. It’s not even like you can make it functional and relaxing. I mean, who’s ever heard of a self-care bath, amiright? If you want to be miserable, ditch the self-care, and just keep plugging on.

Don’t exercise or be active in any way.

So many campaigns everywhere about getting up and move, but why take the time and the effort to do so? I know you see all these people posting selfies at the gym smiling, but don’t believe the hype. They all say exercise releases endorphins, helps elevate mood, increase appetite, and boost overall health, but I just refuse to believe that something that can be so painful and tiring can be that helpful in MY happiness. Nope. I’ll stay on the couch and stay miserable, thank you.

Don’t celebrate small victories. It’s all or nothing!

I just can’t stand when someone makes a big deal out of nothing. Alright, there’s a psychologist named Shawn Achor who gave a TED Talk and wrote a book about happiness. This guy says that little celebrations help keep you happy and motivated, and that happiness and motivation leads to a higher level of productivity. Let me give you an example. If your goal is to open a bakery, but you just sold your first dessert baked out of your home. Sure, that rush of your first sale could drive you forward, but why not just save all that celebration to the end.  You’re not even close! Jeez…

All work and no play is the way to go!

Ever since the pandemic happened, all we hear about is this “work-life-balance” thing. Who is she?! If you just bury your head and continue working, you can work more hours and get ahead. Sure, it can burn you out quickly to always be pouring out of your cup and never refilling it, but isn’t it just a waste of time to do something that’s not productive? Just keep working, and you’ll be sure to be miserable for the rest of your days!

Okay, we’re being a little sassy, so it’s time to come clean. This article was meant to shed some light as to some things that could be taking away from your happiness but in a satirical fashion. Do you do any of these things and notice you’re not totally happy? Need some ideas for what to do to help increase that satisfaction? Just do the opposite of what these points say! Do you know of anything that can take away from your happiness that we missed? Let us know in the comments below! As always, keep an eye on Psi for more Psych2Go content!

You can also check out 5 Things That Truly Make You Happy, According to Psychology for more!

The references used in and to compose this article are listed below:

Mikkelsen, K., Stojanovska, L., Polenakovic, M., Bosevski, M., & Apostolopoulos, V. (2017). Exercise and mental health. Maturitas, 106, 48–56.

Parker-Pope, T. (n.d.). How to be happy. The New York Times. Retrieved June 17, 2022, from

Patel, D. (2021, December 24). 20 secrets to living a happier life. Entrepreneur. Retrieved June 17, 2022, from

Pavot, W., & Diener, E. (1970, January 1). Review of the satisfaction with life scale. SpringerLink. Retrieved June 17, 2022, from

Pietrangelo, A. (2019, January 15). How to be happy: 25 habits to help you live a happier life. Healthline. Retrieved June 17, 2022, from

TedxBloomington. (n.d.). The happy secret to better work. Shawn Achor: The happy secret to better work | TED Talk. Retrieved June 17, 2022, from

Witvliet, C. vanO., Richie, F. J., Root Luna, L. M., & Van Tongeren, D. R. (2018). Gratitude predicts hope and happiness: A two-study assessment of traits and States. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 14(3), 271–282.

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  1. none of this stuff really matters unless a man is good enough to have someone to share & enjoy life with. the only thing of true value in life is relationships so those of us who are not physically attractive enough to be loved are forced to miss out on most of what makes life worth living.

    1. Thank you for sharing, Ahimsa! Personally, I was single for 5 years with no dates and felt the same. I took that time to get to know myself, my likes and dislikes, and even new hobbies to try. When I built myself up, finding a partner became a lot less of a focus. Once my focus shifted, both friends and potential partners came forward. I hope you find something that lights your spark again!


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