Mental Illness Recovery Series: Story #10

This is the 10th story for the Mental Illness Recovery Series. I want to thank Nicholas for sharing his story of depression with us. His life has been a challenging one, but he is strong willed and determined. I believe he will to continue forward in life with a positive outlook. This is his story:

Nicholas is from Switzerland and his favorite hobbies are skiing and acting. His goal five years from now is to have graduated from acting school and to be able to perform in various plays. Nicholas would be happy if he gets to work with wonderful people while acting. He had struggled with depression for three years, but has now recovered.

His depression was caused by pressures at school and the environment he was in before. Nicholas ended up suppressing his emotions. Before the summer of 2014, Nicholas did not seek professional help, which caused him to spiral downward. He later decided to consult a professional and was diagnosed.

Nicholas felt very little, mostly empty although sadness was the most he felt. This affected his daily life. It was difficult for him to complete any homework; Nicholas procrastinated a lot. He was in a constant state of numbness, and he lacked motivation to do things even on weekends. He neglected his body by working out excessively and eating too little. Nicholas almost fell into alcoholism, he ended up every other night grabbing a couple of beers to watch television with before bed.

When he felt anger, he would become self-destructive in order to control himself from hurting his family. This lead him to self-harm. Nicholas did not cut much because he relied on his scars to remind him of the pain. Once the scars started to heal he would cut in order to keep the reminder. Thankfully he received help from friends and this kept him from not committing suicide. Although he thought a lot about death, he cared too much for his friends to hurt them that way.

His depression made him a kinder person because he tried to see the pain behind others. Due to this Nicholas had to leave from more than one social gathering due to the fear of breaking down. He stopped responding to text messages because he couldn’t maintain a joyful image. His depression made him feel terrible, Nicholas said, “Depression in all its miserable glory I think always holds a component of lack of freedom. Anger is an emotion I have control over and it never slips beyond my control, sadness overcomes me on occasion and I get lost in it unable to function and that can be caused by a range of things, from seemingly insignificant things to world crushing things.”

His turning point was at a five week summer camp, it was the best time of his life. This helped him tremendously because whenever he felt the need to cut, he couldn’t because Nicholas did not have access to a knife. He was not aware he was beating his depression, until he overcame it. Nicholas said, “One of the things I learned is the validity of emotions, and to let them come and go is not a bad thing. I remember on the last day everyone was in tears but I couldn’t cry and I was fine with it because I knew my emotions were just as valid and just as powerful as everyone else’s.” He became committed to not hurt himself again, and started to express himself freely with friends he trusted, while he concentrated on positive things.

His friends helped him by listening and challenging him. Nicholas said, “I remember on one occasion I was talking about something rather personal and my friend responded by making me look him in the eye and not fiddle with objects.” Nicholas learned a lot about self-care, that pain is relative and that he is the only one that can save himself from depression. This changed his outlook in life; he is now a kinder person, for example he now offers food to the homeless and completely listens to others speaking. He said, “It has also made me much more self-aware and offered a great appreciation for the deep and lovely dark because without it we wouldn’t be able to see the stars.”

He now uses a support system to express himself by writing poetry, listening to music, hanging out with friends, playing games, and exercising. To prevent himself from falling into depression again he would like to drop out of school. His advice to others is: “Please don’t go, don’t forget to breathe and hold onto something.”

Nicholas is a strong young man and his story is proof that you can overcome depression. It is easier said than done, but nonetheless possible. Help me make a difference by sharing your story.

Edited By: Lizzie Watson