Mental Illness Recovery Series: Story # 34

This is the 34th story for the Mental Illness Recovery Series. Anonymous fought really hard, to overcome her mental disorders. By changing her mentality she has been able to make a difference in her life. This is her story:

Anonymous is from New Zealand and she enjoys math, musicals, and Marvel movies. Her goal is to work in the States for Google. She was diagnosed by her doctor and counselor with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and depression. Thankfully her depression is gone, and still struggles, but better manages her GAD. Anonymous was medicated with Citalopram and took Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

Her mental disorders were caused a various things, anonymous said, “Stress, ignoring the early symptoms, bad emotion management, and pouring too much of myself into other people.” This made her feel constantly scared and apathetic. She also said, “I got massively overwhelmed by everything. I constantly felt a mixture of numb and overly sensitive.”  This affected her daily life in many ways. Anonymous failed university papers because she stayed in her room and did not do anything. She stopped talking to her friends and believed nobody cared about her. She said, “I didn’t think I was important. I hid behind my computer or phone screen when I did spend time with people.”

Thankfully, anonymous never considered suicide. Although she would pinch the inside of her upper arms until she bruised just to feel something. Her mental illnesses affected her relationship with others, she said, “I lost touch with a large group of friends because I disappeared off the map. I broke up with my boyfriend also, though that might have happened anyway.” This made her feel desperate, abandoned and alone.

The turning point to better manage her mental illnesses was to learn that she was important and that her feelings were valid. But the biggest turning point for anonymous was when she learned how to separate the feelings of anxiety from herself. She said, “I learned how to stop them overwhelming me and learned to put them aside so I could still do things that I needed to do.” The strategies she used was to personify her emotions by turning them into little characters. For example when anonymous felt anxious for no reason, she would tell herself, “Its ok, it’s just Bruce”. With this technique she was able to separate her feelings and comfort herself my self-talking and comforting ‘Bruce’.

In order to diminish her anxiety attacks, anonymous would ask friends to go out for coffee. She said, “Coffee would often turn into running errands or something and that massively reduced the time I spent alone which meant my brain didn’t have as much time to go in spirals.” The lesson she learned from this ordeal was that she needs to fight hard for the things she really wants in life. This experience also changed her outlook in life, she now appreciates the good times. Although she admits to being less sympathetic, she said, “Unfortunately, it’s made me a little less sympathetic sometimes to other people with depression because I fought so hard to drag myself out of it. It’s really hard to watch my friends making the same mistakes I made and not doing anything about it.”

Anonymous is now aware of the early signs of her mental disorders in order to quickly act before losing control. This is her advice for others struggling with similar mental conditions:

“You’re going to have to work really, really hard if you want to get better. It doesn’t magically happen and nobody else can do it for you. However you don’t have to get better all at once. Every little moment is a chance to take a step in the direction you want. Right now you have the choice to fight and get up even though your brain is screaming to stay safe and alone. You’ve got to stop listening to the unhealthy things your brain is saying and fight for the future you want. It’s not going to be easy, but if you do it one step at a time, you’ll be fine.”

She would also like to share:

“We have an instant gratification culture at the moment. I know a lot of people waiting around for that one thing that will make them better instantly. It doesn’t exist. You’ve got to make your own future. One step at a time.”

I am glad she has been able to beat her depression. Although she still struggles with GAD, I know that with the determination she has to get to her goals, she won’t allow herself to fall again. Help me make a difference by sharing your story.