Mental Illness Recovery Series: Story # 91

Jason is from Ontario, Canada and he is transgender. He enjoys many things, Jason said, “I play a lot of video games. I love sushi, soccer, basketball, and volleyball. My favourite band is 21 Pilots, and I have a love for The Maze Runner, and Harry Potter.” He also has a beautiful girlfriend in California. His goal is to either go to university for Biomedical Engineering, or in college for Game development or Computer Programming. Jason has various mental disorders, he said, “I am currently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), ADHD, and Gender Dysphoria.” Additionally, he was diagnosed with Chronic Suicidal ideation, but thankfully he is in the final stages of overcoming it after not having a crisis in almost a year.

His BPD was most likely caused by the bullying and harassment Jason got from his peers as a child, as well as his teacher locking him in a closet when he was six or seven years old. Jason’s mental disorders were diagnosed by a psychiatrist and he is currently visiting a counselor, and meeting with his doctor on a regular basis. Unfortunately, Jason has dealt with numerous symptoms he said:

“Frantic attempts to avoid real and/or imagined rejection, recurrent suicidal or self-harming behaviors, unstable moods, chronic feelings of emptiness, difficulty controlling anger, “black and white” perception of mood and/or reactions, unstable or intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.”

This ended up affecting his daily life because it was hard for Jason maintain relationships. He often pushed others away and saw it as rejection. Because of this he would either lash out more to push them away, or tried everything I could to make them happy and keep them close. He said, “This didn’t always work, which then made my mood plummet, and make me want to die. This would start a violent spiral.” Jason has attempted suicide 10 times in a 4-year span, with a few instances of self-harm.

This situation was hard for his parents, because they felt scared. Jason was alone most of the time, because people didn’t want to interact with him. Making his lash out to prevent rejection, or he tried to impress everyone. This made him feel all kinds of emotions. He said, “My moods were very difficult to define in any one moment. They could, and still sometimes do, change within a split second. The main emotions were anger, depression, and like I was being abandoned.”

Jason’s turning was when he was hospitalized, there he received his diagnosis for BPD, and began taking the proper medication, and counselling he needed in order to be healthy. The strategies he used to gain control over his mental illnesses was getting support from friends and family. He also used what he learned in counselling to gain more control over his life and emotions. His friends and family helped by listening and understanding why his brain worked the way it did.

This is the lesson Jason learned from this ordeal:

“That you can gain control of anything. It may take a while, and it may not be easy, but it is possible. Just put in the effort, and constantly expect more from yourself. Understand your limits, and know when to push them, and when to let things lie. Do your very best, and you will succeed.”

Even his outlook in life has changed. Jason is no longer suicidal, happier, and getting more and more stable each day. He has become positive to the point where he can see a future for himself. Jason knows he can’t prevent relapse fully, but if he keeps working on his health, both mental and physical, he can reduce the chances. He said, “If I take care of myself, and make sure I’m being safe, and that I’m in a safe environment, I can keep this from possibly ever happening again.”

This is his advice for those struggling:

“Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Be honest with you doctor and parents. Remember that they are here to help you. Most importantly, get the help you need. There is very little one can do on their own, but there is much people can do when they work together. Just be true to you. Stand up for yourself, and keep yourself and your environment healthy. Don’t be afraid, but also be smart. Educate yourself on your health, and your mental state.”

It’s amazing that Jason has come a long way, and with is his positive attitude I am sure he will go further and accomplish his dreams. Help me make a difference by sharing your story. If you or anyone you know needs a safe place to vent out and recieve advice feel free to become a member of the Mental Illness Recovery Series Group on Facebook.