“I was your only friend, and you set me up.”
Those lines are from the film “The Social Network.” It’s a memorable scene where Eduardo realizes that Mark has kicked him out of Facebook and that Mark was using him the entire time. That scene is memorable because it encapsulates what you feel when someone betrays you– anger, sadness, and betrayal.
Betrayals hurt deeply because you never imagined that the person you trusted would be the one to hurt you. But, betrayals are not as dramatic as liquidating all of your friend’s stocks in the company you both worked together to build. They are more subtle.
It’s in the small acts that leave you feeling drained, disregarded, and disrespected.
Below are a few signs that you should consider ending a friendship.
- History is sustaining your relationship.
Ending a friendship is difficult because you have invested time and effort into cultivating that relationship. So, it is understandable why you may feel hesitant to let go.
However, friendships are like investments. They are supposed to grow over time.
We often think that growth in a relationship needs to happen proportionally and simultaneously. In a friendship, it’s a common mistake to imagine that you and your friend are walking side by side and growing together. Yet, we are all on different paths, and, your growth is not the same as your friends.
While it’s normal for your friendship to change over time, what should not change is how you both treat each other and communicate. If you allow your differences to separate you from your friends, distance will settle between you both. Eventually, all you will have left is the history you both once shared.
If history is the only thing that holds your friendship together, then you might want to reflect on whether that friendship is worth continuing.
- You no longer connect.
Usually, we all assume that we are walking alongside our friends. You may be on different paths but headed in the same general direction. That is why we start friendships– similar goals and values. But, people, and consequently, their values and goals change.
You may no longer have anything in common and find it more of an effort to keep the relationship going.
- You aren’t their priority anymore, and they make no effort to stay in touch.
Like all relationships, a friendship requires effort. Both individuals need to be willing and to want to put in the effort. Having friends should not feel like a job. But, it’s is also not an excuse to take your friends for granted.
In a friendship, bonds develop and grow when you both spend time with each other, talk to each other, and make memories. You may not spend every hour together, but you should make time for each other. Check in and listen to each other regardless of how busy you both are.
If you notice that your friend no longer makes an effort to keep in touch, maybe it is best to call it quits.
- You give more than you take.
Another sign that it is time to end a friendship is if you notice that you give more than you take. This trait is somewhat derivative from the point above. When you no longer become someone’s priority, you find that you are giving more in the relationship than the other person.
It’s a disheartening feeling knowing that you are giving to someone more than you are getting. You may often feel taken for granted and ignored. If your friendship makes you feel ignored and disregarded, talk to your friend. They may be going through something that prevents them from being present in the friendship.
However, if they do not shit is time to consider letting go of that person.
- They betray your trust.
Trust is a foundation for every relationship– friendship or otherwise. So, it is difficult for a relationship to flourish when the trust is gone.
- They resent your growth.
Friends are usually the people we turn to when we want to share our success or when we need a shoulder to cry on. By default, there is the expectation that friends will be supportive of our growth and defend our well-being.
Yet, in life, there are moments when our friends can sometimes be jealous or perhaps find it difficult to relate to us. If your friendship has matured to the point where you both are open with each other, petty jealousy doesn’t get in the way. It helps you both understand each other.
However, jealous feelings cause create distance and even resentment. If unaddressed, it can quickly sour a relationship make it toxic.
If the relationship is worth saving, address those feelings with maturity and understanding. But, if it is one-sided and has already turned toxic, maybe it is best to move on.
Earlier, I mentioned that relationships are like investments. They are supposed to grow with time. But, relationships can be more than investments. They are supposed to be enriching and bring joy to your life. A good and healthy friendship is like a strong pillar. Whenever the winds of conflict, doubt, or trouble blow, you can find comfort and support in your friend.
You and your friends are supposed to grow together and support each other. When you grow and support each other, the path or direction you and your friend are on does not matter. They don’t matter because you both know that you will be there for each other no matter what.
@letstalk.mentalhealth. (2021). Signs It’s Time to End a Friendship. Instagram. Retrieved March 1, 2022, from https://www.instagram.com/p/CX4GnUfP0um/
Khidekel, M. (2019, January 28). 11 signs it’s time to let a friendship go. Thrive Global. Retrieved March 1, 2022, from https://thriveglobal.com/stories/signs-time-to-end-friendship-toxic-negativity/
Lusinski, N. (2018, December 9). 9 signs it’s time to end a friendship, according to Therapists. Business Insider. Retrieved March 1, 2022, from https://www.businessinsider.com/signs-you-should-end-friendship-therapists-2018-12
Robinson, K. M. (2021). When it’s time to end a friendship and how to end it. WebMD. Retrieved March 1, 2022, from https://www.webmd.com/balance/features/ending-a-friendship