10 Signs Someone May Not Be for You

Are you currently in a relationship you feel isn’t working out? Is the physical, emotional, and sexual attraction just not the same as before? Are you having frequent thoughts of breaking up with this person? If yes, you’re most likely with someone who is not for you. 

Breaking up with someone is not easy. You might feel like you have to consider all other options before finally arriving at the bitter end. You may be trying your best to save what is left of the relationship and are making sure you’re making the right decision for the wrong person. It may help to understand that it’s worth having a good, healthy separation with someone rather than staying in a dying relationship. This is why it is helpful to understand the signs of someone not being a positive impact on your life in a lot of ways. If you want to know more about it, then go ahead and read 10 signs someone may not be for you.

1. You feel like you can’t truly be yourself when you’re with them.

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Which parts of yourself do you change when you’re with this person? Is it a certain personality of yours? Your looks? Your style? Why? You may feel like this because you’re afraid of them viewing you in a negative way. This is not a good sign because it means that you think that they are only attracted to a certain idea of you. If you feel like you have to alter a part of yourself just to meet another person’s standards or to be of value, you might be going through a personal problem brought by self-esteem or self-confidence issues that stem from childhood or previous experiences. This type of behavior may be improved by talking to your partner, friends, family, or a mental health professional. Please remember that you are beautiful just the way you are and your self-worth isn’t determined by the way you look. If you want to read more about this, you may check out What I Learned After I Changed Myself for a Guy.

2. You always initiate conversations and dates.

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Are you always texting them first? Is it you who always reaches out to them and asks what they’re doing, how their day was, or if they want to go out? Does it feel like you’re the only one putting in the effort? Someone being indifferent towards your efforts can actually have a negative impact on your self-esteem. Not having open, healthy communication in your relationship may cause anxiety and self-blame. You may also spiral into overthinking, causing great mental stress. It is recommended to bring this issue up with your partner to understand each other’s side of the story and find solutions. If this type of behavior doesn’t change after a while, it’s probably an indication that this person really isn’t for you, because you are worth more than a half-hearted relationship.

3. You don’t feel their trust.

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Do they often threaten you with breaking up if you do something they don’t like? Are they the overly jealous type? Have you tried being forbidden to talk to specific people because your partner doesn’t like them? Your partner not trusting you may be a manifestation of their own insecurity. This might stem from many possible causes like childhood upbringing or bad experiences in the past. It’s encouraged to talk to them about this behavior and telling them how you feel when they try to micromanage you. You may also extend help by encouraging them to talk to you, their loved ones, or a therapist. If their behavior doesn’t change after a while, then it’s probably better to give them some space to sort their own problem by themselves. Here are 5 Ways to Cope With Insecurity in Your Relationship.

4. You often fight instead of having healthy arguments.

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Arguments, if done right, are healthy parts of a relationship. They can promote individuality, openness, and respect between partners. Through arguments, you learn more about the other person and their perspectives on different topics. This helps you view future events through their lens and understand their way of thinking. Arguments stop being helpful when it’s all about the fighting and no longer about growth. When you notice that your fights are getting more frequent and intense, involving toxic relationship traits such as the use of negative terms, physical abuse, and manipulation, then it’s probably best to ask for outside help and intervention.

5. You can’t open up to them about anything.

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Your partner is your other half and your support person. It is only fitting that you feel comfortable around them enough to talk about diverse topics, both serious and lighthearted. If your partner constantly cuts you off, doesn’t validate your own opinions, and spends most of the time talking about themselves, they may be just looking for someone to talk to. It’s best to clear out any misunderstandings in the relationship beforehand. Do they want a vent-person? Are they irritated when you talk about yourself? If your partner does these things out of narcissistic tendencies, they really may not be for you.

6. You’re very defensive when asked about them. 

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Somehow, your friends often seem to know when things are going south in a relationship. This is because they care about you a lot. They tend to ask questions and observe you and your partner when you’re together. Do you often feel the need to defend your partner even though no suspicious questions are being asked? It probably stems from how you perceive your partner based on their own actions. What are you defensive of? Is it their attitude? Have they done something you don’t want to disclose to your friends? It might be a good idea to ask yourself these questions and why you don’t like being asked about your partner in the first place. If there really is an issue, you might want to talk about this with your partner to address the main problem in the first place.

7. You’re afraid of them meeting the people you’re close to.

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Are you postponing your partner meeting your friends or family? Why do you think so? It might be because you already know they’re not going to hit it off well. The people close to you tend to know you a lot, sometimes even better than you know yourself. The fact that you are avoiding the inevitable meet-up shows that you think there is something that’s amiss in your own relationship. It might be a good idea to ask yourself about the reason for this fear in the first place. Is it because of how your partner behaves? Do you think their personality clashes with people you’re close to? Have they done something your family will not approve of? It’s encouraged to talk to your partner about these things for their own awareness, too. After all, not all people get along well at first. However, most of the time, the people you’re close to only want the best for you, so if you think they’ll have a negative impression of your relationship partner, there really might be something wrong.

8. You’re constantly on the lookout for new relationship partners.

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Are you often asking yourself if they’re the right person for you? Do you repetitively imagine yourself being together with other people, asking yourself if it would be a better match? If you’re always thinking about other people or looking at others during dates with your partner, it might be a sign that you’re not as invested in the relationship as you think you are. Attraction to other people is normal – it’s just an act of noticing good traits in others – but when you decide to act on those harmless feelings, it’s where things go awry. You may feel this way due to a lack of excitement in the relationship. It might also be a method of escape from a restrictive relationship or a way of seeking comfort from others because of bad communication habits in your own relationship. Whatever the reason is, it’s important to ask yourself why you’re doing this in the first place. Are you unsatisfied? Does the thought of breaking up with them frequently come to your head? Are you no longer happy being in this relationship? These might also be indicators of you having a fear of intimacy. It is encouraged to discuss these points with your partner to come across a mutual understanding and conclusion together.

9. You don’t feel like you’re becoming a better person.

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Have you reached a point in the relationship where you’ve become stagnant? Are you no longer interested in your hobbies? Does it feel like you aren’t improving? Collective growth is important in a relationship, and it’s probably part of the reason why you got together in the first place. Your partner inspires you to be a better person and vice versa. However, if you both reach a still point where you feel unmotivated by each other’s presence and instead feel tired and weary, it might be better to take a step back and give space where it is needed. A lot of this is caused when the relationship becomes a routine instead of an exciting involvement with your other half. If you’re starting to feel like it’s a task rather than an expression of love, then it might work to find other ways to get yourselves engaged in the relationship once again. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Sometimes, breaking up with them is the breath of fresh air you might actually need. To learn more about it and be sure, here are 8 Reasons To Break Up With Someone.

10. You’re staying in the relationship out of comfort.

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Has it become a habit to stay in the relationship just for the sake of it? Is the relationship dying? Are you afraid of the thought of being alone if you break up with them? If you think the relationship has reached its end and there is no possible way for it to go anywhere else, it might be best to end it properly. It’s nice to keep in mind that not all endings have to be bad. Sometimes, you just have to do it and let life move on. It may help to acknowledge that you’ve done all that you can and that is what is important. Sometimes, letting go is better than holding on to something that no longer brings you joy or growth. It might not be easy, but this too shall pass. It’s good to continuously ask yourself: Are you still happy? Depending on the answer, now you know what to do.


It sucks being in a relationship with someone who you feel isn’t right for you. Do you have someone like this in your life? What made you say so? Please share your experiences in the comment section below. We would appreciate hearing about your stories! If you want to read more in connection to this topic, you can check out 9 Tips to Help You Get Over Your Ex, 7 Stages After A Break-Up, and 9 Signs Someone Is Just Not Into You. Thanks for reading. Until next time!


Borresen, K. (2019, April 25). When Having A Crush While In A Relationship Is OK (And When It’s Not). HuffPost. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/have-a-crush-while-in-a-relationship_n_5ab2d5ade4b008c9e5f3d9db

Pulptastic. (2021, July 16). 15 Signs You’re Not With The Right Person. https://pulptastic.com/15-signs-youre-not-right-person/

Rabinowitz, L. (2021, June 23). How Often Do Couples Fight And Should You Be Concerned? Couples Counseling In Baltimore. https://baltimorecounselor.com/how-often-do-couples-fight-and-should-you-be-concerned/

Wiest, B. (2015, September 16). 7 Subtle Signs That You Know Someone Isn’t Right For You, Even If You Can’t Admit It. Bustle. https://www.bustle.com/articles/85233-7-subtle-signs-that-you-know-someone-isnt-right-for-you-even-if-you-cant-admit

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