10 Signs That You’re the Toxic Friend

Have you ever wondered if you’re the friend that everyone gossips about? Maybe you’ve thought you were the “crazy” one in your group of friends.

Here’s a list of signs you might be the toxic friend:

1. You can’t stand being left out from anything.

Friends go to an event and don’t invite you. You feel left out and enraged that they would betray you. This is a sign of insecurity and is off-putting to your friends.

2. You’re constantly in contact with your friends, even when you know they’re busy.

Tagging a friend in a meme and expecting an immediate response is not reasonable. Consistently texting your friends will also become an annoyance and makes you appear needy. Wait a few minutes, maybe even an hour, chances are they will respond to you.

3. You show up unannounced.

If you decide to stop by a friend’s house without telling them it will result in surprise, and could be at a very bad time. Showing up at their work can be just as irritating, as they are on the clock and have to limit personal issues. A simple text that you want to say “hi” is sometimes all it takes.

4. You guilt-trip your friends into getting what you want.

Your friend says she can’t hang out, so you tell her you’ll just sit at home alone. Maybe you ask your friend to put in a good word for you, but they don’t feel comfortable. These are signs you might be playing the friend card too much. Guilt-tripping is manipulation, and it’s not a good quality of a healthy friendship.

5. You flake out on plans.

If your friend committed to spending time with you and you no-show or cancel last minute, that shows them that you don’t value their time. It’s also just a jerk move. Just be honest if you don’t feel like going somewhere or can’t fully commit to an event.

6. You can’t commit to anything unless your friend proposes it first.

You want your friends to decide what to do and where to go, but don’t want to put in any effort yourself to contribute. This adds pressure to your friend and gets old really fast. Make a suggestion or plan something every now and then. Your friends will totally appreciate it.

7. You play mind games with friends to test their loyalty to you. 

Telling a friend something another person said about them, just to get them on your side, is very toxic. Also, saying if someone is truly your friend they won’t spend time with a certain person, is just unfair. People have a right to choose who they spend time with, so try not to take it personal.

8. You only want to talk about yourself.

Sure you have a lot to say about yourself, but a conversation has to have two sides. Your friends want to talk about their life just as much as you do. Try to ask them about what’s going on with them, just as often as you update them on your life.

9. You only want your friends to come to you.

Asking your friends to always come to your house can be a turn-off. A friendship is a bit of give and take, and sometimes you have to take one for the team and drive over to their house.

10. You expect your friends to always cover for you.

Whether it’s a tab at the bar or a white lie you told someone, if you’re always asking someone to cover for you they will feel that you’re taking advantage of them. Take some responsibility and maybe cover them for a change.

Do you have any of these signs? If you do, the first thing you should do is to accept it and take action to change and be more self aware. Do not judge yourself, beat yourself up or be ashamed about who you are. Because you are worthy and you are capable of improving being a better version of yourself once you are more aware about your toxic tendencies and insecurities. Sometimes we can be the toxic person in a friendship without really knowing it, but knowing what you’re doing wrong is the first step in making it right!

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  1. I love this article. As someone who finds it hard to find time for myself, without someone having to request my services as a human being, I relate to this article heavily.
    I’m surrounded by different groups of people, some like me, some very extroverted. But sometimes I question if they really are my friends. Specifically, in sign #3, “you show up unannounced,” I feel a wave of relief from reading that. I’ve always question if I’m in fact the, ‘toxic friend,’ for denying a hangout session because I want to be alone. Multiple times a week. Or if these so called friends are really just disrespectful of my boundaries. But no, in fact, I was right. They just don’t understand how it’s not right to just show up to someone’s house unannounced. Especially past 12 Midnight. This has happened several times, and it’s nice to know I wasn’t just crazy for thinking it wasn’t right.

  2. points 2, 5, 6, and 8 describe me (in the sense that i would be a toxic friend), but i’d been aware of them already and have felt guilty about being that way for a while now. my friend said it’s okay that i’m like this because i hadn’t been socially active for years before now and have social anxiety (and thus will probably get better with experience), but i don’t think it excuses anything. idk what this says about me but i really hope i can improve from what i am like now, whatever that is

  3. Being a toxic, clingy friend myself, I feel like I would have plenty to add to this article 😭

  4. I disagree that all of these are traits of a toxic friend. Most of them are spot on, but 9 bothers me as a disabled person. There are sometimes good reasons why someone generally asks friends to come to them!

  5. Yeah but 9 is obviously understandable if you have a friend that’s disabled then you get it no one else apart from you and a friend that’s disabled needs to be offended you know them and they know you do no need for drama! Straight away we both know our friend needs assistance no need making drama or things difficult as an able person we should step up! Xx


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