Anxiety makes your mind feel like its running a marathon 24/7. Your thoughts rotate in circles, over and over and over again. Each time becoming louder in your head. At times, you catch a break and think you might be exaggerating or distorting the situation, only to fall back into the vicious negative thinking cycle in a matter of seconds. Friends and family tell you “just think positive”, as if you didn’t already know that. The truth is, you don’t know how to. You’ve spent so many years thinking wrongly about yourself and every situation, that when it comes to be positive you just can’t.
It gets to the point where you feel utterly crappy. You can’t find anything amazing about yourself. You look in the mirror and examine every inch and hate everything you see. When an attractive person walks into the room you feel envious, instead of accepting that your beauty differs from that person. To make matters worse you compare yourself, making adjustments trying to look the same. And when other’s compliment you, it’s unbelievable.
During class, your mind is flying into deep unwanted thoughts. Next thing you know the class is over and you did not learn a thing. You see your grades slip slowly, and at the end of the semester you try to pass the class with extra assignments. Meanwhile the professor is the lecturing you on how irresponsible you are as a student, instead of asking what is wrong. Maybe if you had a helpful hand to reach out to during the semester you wouldn’t have failed.
To make matters worse, at work your boss accuses you for their mistakes. Poisoning your mind even further. Your upset because you know it’s not your fault, but you stick to the job for that check that you will waste quickly buying things you think you need to drown your sorrows. By dinner time, you are practically devouring your food. Not even tasting it. You’re trying to fill in that inner void, only to become hungry again quickly.
At night your body is exhausted, internally screaming for rest. You lay in bed tired and right before you fall asleep your brain starts racing; reminding you of every mistake you’ve made. Reminding you of how worthless you and your life is. Making you question every move you will take the next day. You stay like this for hours, watching the clock tick away painfully slowly. By the time you fall asleep, you only have about 3 hours of sleep. The alarm clock wakes you up, and you want to throw it against the floor. Your eyes are sore and red from exhaustion. Instantly, you start making up excuses to not start the day. As the day begins, your stomach hurts so much you end up vomiting. You feel dizzy and have a headache. You believe something is wrong with you. When in reality your anxiety is making you physically sick.
But one day after years of living lifeless, and in the verge of panic. You have enough, so you distance yourself from toxic people and situations. You unfollow all triggering blogs and pages on social media. You go crazy adding motivational and healthier pages to follow. Every time a negative thought pops up you counter it with a positive one. Even if you’re having a negative day, you acknowledge you’ve come a long way and start the next day with a better thinking pattern. Now, you’re exercising each day and have new friends to be with. Even your eating pattern has changed. You’re not devouring bowls ice-cream and fast food anymore, but your taking care of your body with nurturing foods. All of a sudden it hits you, you’ve changed for the better and can now appreciate your life and yourself.
This is my short story of years of torment and how I overcame anxiety. It’s much easier said than done, but only if you have the desire and determination to change then your life will improve so much. To be honest I still have my dark days, but I will no longer let it dictate my life. I hope this story can bring some inspiration for you to start making a difference. If you don’t know how to overcome anxiety, you can read: The Ultimate Anxiety Survival Guide
If you’d like, you can also read my depression story: Depression: F*ck Depression – A True Story